oh really!
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 256
oh really!
So today my RAH came for a visit and asks what I have posted on FB about us. I told him nothing, b/c that just isn't my style. Over the last 6 mths I have only ever mentioned positive things about RAH in my posts.
He tells me that he has had 3 different individuals ask him out via text to his cell. Oh really!! He says he has told them no, but won't tell me who they are. He says that I know 2 of the individuals but probably not the 3rd. There are probably many more people that know what is going on with us than I thought. We live in a small town
What gets me is that if these individuals did ask him out and have any idea of our situation, they have a lot of nerve! On the other hand I am wondering how they got his cell #. It's not like I would give it to any of my friends. There would be no reason unless I specifically asked them to send him a message for me. He told me that he doesn't want to date anyone but me.
Maybe he is just trying to manipulate me by telling me all this today of all days (on my b-day). Every so often in the middle of a conversation he'll say "we'll have to talk in a few weeks about what is going to happen with us." I usually say huh- huh and talk about something else. Maybe he told me this today so I would feel pressured to make a decision about our relationship and what I want.
Today has brought on a wave of emotions- At first I was upset over this news, then mad (not sure at who) and now need to find a way to just let it go. If he chooses to act on any of these invitations it would probably make my decision about our marriage that much easier and not in a way he would hope.
He tells me that he has had 3 different individuals ask him out via text to his cell. Oh really!! He says he has told them no, but won't tell me who they are. He says that I know 2 of the individuals but probably not the 3rd. There are probably many more people that know what is going on with us than I thought. We live in a small town
What gets me is that if these individuals did ask him out and have any idea of our situation, they have a lot of nerve! On the other hand I am wondering how they got his cell #. It's not like I would give it to any of my friends. There would be no reason unless I specifically asked them to send him a message for me. He told me that he doesn't want to date anyone but me. Maybe he is just trying to manipulate me by telling me all this today of all days (on my b-day). Every so often in the middle of a conversation he'll say "we'll have to talk in a few weeks about what is going to happen with us." I usually say huh- huh and talk about something else. Maybe he told me this today so I would feel pressured to make a decision about our relationship and what I want.
Today has brought on a wave of emotions- At first I was upset over this news, then mad (not sure at who) and now need to find a way to just let it go. If he chooses to act on any of these invitations it would probably make my decision about our marriage that much easier and not in a way he would hope.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,913
What a jerk! You should tell him to GO FOR IT! He's lying and you know it. Even if it's true, which I seriously doubt, they have no idea what they are getting themselves into.
Still, I think he's just quacking. Trying to make you jealous so you'll think...OMG! Some other lucky girl is going to get him for her very own! Pffftt...
Still, I think he's just quacking. Trying to make you jealous so you'll think...OMG! Some other lucky girl is going to get him for her very own! Pffftt...
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Are you sure he's not putting himself out there as available? Whether it's true or not, it's a pretty transparent way to manipulate you by making you jealous and paranoid about your friends.
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Southeastern Michigan
Posts: 137
Happy birthday, BTW! Sounds to me like he's being an insensitive jerk and not working on his recovery, if he has the time to worry about being asked out ( or take the time to make it up)!
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Maybe he is just trying to manipulate me by telling me all this today of all days (on my b-day).
I think you can take the "maybe" out of this sentence. He is desperate to get back home and resume the status quo from before you started setting boundaries.
My ex told me a couple of months ago that he was getting married that afternoon. Once I finished laughing I heartily congratulated him (not the reaction he was hoping for). It was such a pathetic attempt to rile me up and make me jealous that I couldn't help it. When he called a few weeks later I asked him how the wedding had gone. He mumbled that he had been joking around.
I do often think I deserve better and just hope that he turns out to be the better person I deserve.
Oh hon, I hoped the same thing for a long time. That he would sober up and change so I could be happy. My thinking was totally distorted from living with his disease for so long.
I think you can take the "maybe" out of this sentence. He is desperate to get back home and resume the status quo from before you started setting boundaries.
My ex told me a couple of months ago that he was getting married that afternoon. Once I finished laughing I heartily congratulated him (not the reaction he was hoping for). It was such a pathetic attempt to rile me up and make me jealous that I couldn't help it. When he called a few weeks later I asked him how the wedding had gone. He mumbled that he had been joking around.
I do often think I deserve better and just hope that he turns out to be the better person I deserve.
Oh hon, I hoped the same thing for a long time. That he would sober up and change so I could be happy. My thinking was totally distorted from living with his disease for so long.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
Reminds me of a story from the "Getting Them Sober" books, about a lady who told her AH's ladyfriend to go ahead and take him home for the weekend.
Halfway through the weekend, the ladyfriend brought him back, begging the wife to take him off her hands.
The wife wouldn't do it....
Halfway through the weekend, the ladyfriend brought him back, begging the wife to take him off her hands.
The wife wouldn't do it....
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
My husband tried the same lame attempts to get me to react.
Your husband gave a you a great gift today. He showed you a lot about his character if you dont minimize it or justify it....like I did. I actually thought his desperation was kind of cute and endearing. Somehow, I made it all about me but it was really all about him and his character or lack there of.
Your husband gave a you a great gift today. He showed you a lot about his character if you dont minimize it or justify it....like I did. I actually thought his desperation was kind of cute and endearing. Somehow, I made it all about me but it was really all about him and his character or lack there of.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by KidsR#1 
Maybe he is just trying to manipulate me by telling me all this today of all days (on my b-day).
He isn't able to manipulate you around his drinking so now he will prey on the possibility he can manipulate you based on fears of being alone?
My guess is when and if this approach doesn't work he will then start in with threatening to take the kids.
I'm so sorry he's such a jerk to say the things he did on your bday no less. If it is any comfort, it is my experience with an xAH that this is a part of the manipulation game.
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Join Date: Feb 2007
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Chances are quite high he is trying manipulate you to make a decision about your relationship and that none of that is true.
Originally Posted by KidsR#1
So today my RAH came for a visit and asks what I have posted on FB about us. I told him nothing, b/c that just isn't my style. Over the last 6 mths I have only ever mentioned positive things about RAH in my posts.
He tells me that he has had 3 different individuals ask him out via text to his cell. Oh really!! He says he has told them no, but won't tell me who they are. He says that I know 2 of the individuals but probably not the 3rd. There are probably many more people that know what is going on with us than I thought. We live in a small town What gets me is that if these individuals did ask him out and have any idea of our situation, they have a lot of nerve! On the other hand I am wondering how they got his cell #. It's not like I would give it to any of my friends. There would be no reason unless I specifically asked them to send him a message for me. He told me that he doesn't want to date anyone but me.
Maybe he is just trying to manipulate me by telling me all this today of all days (on my b-day). Every so often in the middle of a conversation he'll say "we'll have to talk in a few weeks about what is going to happen with us." I usually say huh- huh and talk about something else. Maybe he told me this today so I would feel pressured to make a decision about our relationship and what I want.
Today has brought on a wave of emotions- At first I was upset over this news, then mad (not sure at who) and now need to find a way to just let it go. If he chooses to act on any of these invitations it would probably make my decision about our marriage that much easier and not in a way he would hope.
He tells me that he has had 3 different individuals ask him out via text to his cell. Oh really!! He says he has told them no, but won't tell me who they are. He says that I know 2 of the individuals but probably not the 3rd. There are probably many more people that know what is going on with us than I thought. We live in a small town
What gets me is that if these individuals did ask him out and have any idea of our situation, they have a lot of nerve! On the other hand I am wondering how they got his cell #. It's not like I would give it to any of my friends. There would be no reason unless I specifically asked them to send him a message for me. He told me that he doesn't want to date anyone but me. Maybe he is just trying to manipulate me by telling me all this today of all days (on my b-day). Every so often in the middle of a conversation he'll say "we'll have to talk in a few weeks about what is going to happen with us." I usually say huh- huh and talk about something else. Maybe he told me this today so I would feel pressured to make a decision about our relationship and what I want.
Today has brought on a wave of emotions- At first I was upset over this news, then mad (not sure at who) and now need to find a way to just let it go. If he chooses to act on any of these invitations it would probably make my decision about our marriage that much easier and not in a way he would hope.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: OREGON
Posts: 228
I hope your birthday is full of love and laughter. Be blessed and count all of your blessings and accomplishments on this day made for you! In this world... you matter.... that isn't something to remember just on your birthday but every day! Blessings....
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