Tetra

I have been sober since July 12th 2014.

I am 33 years old, unemployed and live with my parents in a rural area.

For as long as I can remember, fear has been my constant companion. Fear of what, I don't know.

I used to come home from work or college, lock myself in my flat or bedsit and drink.

Since my last relapse, I have been making a great effort. I am doing two classes, charity work and making real efforts to get a job.

I had three job interviews this week, one yesterday and two today. (Although I was exhausted and made a complete mess of the second one today. I can't begin to explain how bad it was. I had to say "do you mind if I start that again". He smiled and and said "not at all, actually I admire your honesty".)

I got 100% in my class assignment tonight. The lecturer said "whatever you are doing, keep doing it".

I am sitting here with a cup of tea. I feel so sad that I wasted all those years, hiding myself away in fear and drinking. Fear of what? There is nothing to be afraid of. Whether life is good or bad, night will fall and the sun will rise again.

I mentioned this to my dad tonight and he said "no regrets. You are not going backwards so stop looking that way".

Actually I also told him tonight that if I got a job in town, I would be moving into a flat with a couple of other girls. He said "that's fine, just don't go out drinking with them"...

I will be 34 in two weeks and I am also thinking a bit about that.

All that wasted time killing myself worrying over nothing.

Gilmer

Aren't you glad you are where you are now? It's a good place to be.

Soberwolf

im 32 my sobriety date is july 14th 2013

Your doing well stay positive !

Tetra

Yes I am actually It's a calmer, happier place.

Jupiters

good for you Tetra! Keep it up!
and congrats on kicking butt in class.
And telling your dad that you are looking into moving out. It is YOUR life. We only get one.

Soberpotamus

Happy for you

No need to look back in regret though. I mean, some of that's inevitable but try not to let it get to you.

You're doing great!

Rina

I have been feeling really guilty about the wreckage of my life. We have to look forward. It has to get better from here!

luvmygirls

Good for you, Tetra! It sounds like you're on the right path. Your fear isn't holding you back from excelling in school. You're going on interviews (not to mention getting them...I imagine that's no small feat, especially in a rural area!) Congratulations on your sobriety. You can do this. We are here for you.

Barnumb

Congratulations on your fantastic progress. Recovery, to me is a place of personal growth and discovery, sounds like you are doing awesome. Good luck with the job hunt!!!

Nowsthetime

Tetra: YOU are making all these things happen and are showing by your actions. Keep the great momentum going. Love what your dad said. Let's keep moving forward!!!

Wastinglife

Me too Rina. I have been in recovery for 3 years with a a few relapses. Been sober since last Decemeber but dealing with guilt and shame about the destruction alcohol caused. I wish I could erase some memories cuz they haunt me.

Dee74

I've done more in the last seven years sober than I did in the 20 years before that.

I can also pull up a massive load of examples on what not to do in recovery from my own mistakes

Good or bad it all contributed to me being where I am today

I no longer see that time as wasted. Tetra

D

trachemys

Tetra, you sound so good now. Just keep doing what you're doing. Look Forward, Live Forward.

bigsombrero

Nice work Tetra. Keep building on this, keep the momentum going!

MIRecovery

Yes it take a what it takes for us to get sober. If I had an incurable disease and only had a year to live I would not drink. Whatever time I'm granted will be time spent sober

airwick

Tetra: What I would do to be in my thirties

VikingGF

Hi, Tetra. We have the same sobriety date. Good for you on 83 days today. I have to say, you are in a better place than I am. You know why? Because you are 33 and I am almost 49. If I ONLY had the mindset you have now when I was 33- but there is nothing I can change about the years I have wasted, and yes, I have wasted quite a lot. It is important that you let go of the guilt and regret and move forward. As long as you are clinging to the past, you are essentially STILL wasting time. I had to realize this also, on top of giving up what I thought was my favorite thing in the world, drinking. Well, I was wrong about drinking being my favorite thing, and I was also wrong to hang onto the guilt- because I can only change what comes next.

You are so fortunate to have so much left to live and offer and experience. Keep going forward sober and who knows where you will end up. Let go of the guilt, and maybe some of the fear will go, too. Live your life, you are giving yourself the best chance- take it. I am.

MavisTheFairy13

We should only look back in order to see how far we've come

PurpleKnight

You dad has wise words, we can only keep moving forward and carve out the life we want to live!!

Sasha4

I'm happy for you Tetra xx