kam7189

The sun rose this morning on day 4 of RAH's sobriety. I know this is just the beginning of a very hard journey but I truly feel like we are heading down a different path that we've never been down before. There have been times in fairly recent history that he's gone 5 days without a drink but never with the intention of stopping completely - just waiting for the weekend to roll around. Now when this weekend rolls around I can look forward to spending time with my husband and doing "normie" things.

He is pursuing several different avenues for counseling and I am looking in to it as well. We haven't looked in to AA or Al-Anon yet but definitely haven't ruled that out. SR has proved to be an invaluable tool for both of us and I know I will continue to utilize it to the fullest extent.

dandylion

kam.....I am glad that you haven't "ruled out" alanon....because there is more to this sobriety thing than just not drinking. It involves changes from the inside out. As his partner...you have surely been involved in the "dance" with him (whether you realized it or not). You have played a part. And, you have suffered damage--as the disease damages all that it touches...including the loved ones.

I hate to be the Debbie Downer, here......(I know that I am).
I am just giving you a heads up on the situation

I am wishing you the best.....

dandylion

hopeful4

I too wish you both all the best. Keep coming back to SR, we are always here for you to listen to the good along with the bad.

Have a wonderful upcoming weekend!

Eauchiche

"I can look forward to spending time with my husband and doing "normie" things. "

You know, all of us who are affected by alcohol have an impaired idea of what "normal" is.

You might want to check out the books entitled "Getting Them Sober."

fridgey

learning to trust is a process and vulnerability follows which causes endearment then love. Did you have that experience with your guy? Or was it about escaping wretchedness?
AA and Alanon is about learning to trust and vulnerability which ...............

atalose

I’m also glad you haven’t ruled out al-anon. It’s great that your husband is pursuing sobriety and talking of other avenues to help him with that this time.
What caught my attention more in your post was…….

When you say both of you, I hope you mean as separate individuals independent of each other and not all enmeshed as one recovery.

FireSprite

Just a word of caution from someone who has BTDT with this very thing - be careful about these kinds of expectations........ just a few days of sober time & especially without a program to fall back on is a very vulnerable, volatile time for any alcoholic.

I couldn't wait to get on with "normal" activities but in reality it was weeks & months before RAH was ready for that same stuff. For him, getting THROUGH each day sober was tough & I found myself disappointed over & over again that he couldn't just participate in what I thought was really easy, normal "stuff". He just didn't have the capacity to handle it yet & I kept badgering that hardware store for bread anyway. It took me too long to see my part in that, that *I* had set myself up with completely unrealistic expectations.

Best of luck in the coming weeks - keep posting!

Kboys

These books have been super helpful, enlightening, and empowering for me as well.
Good luck and stay strong

kam7189

I guess I should have been a little more clear on what I meant by that. Being sober (and wanting to stay that way) is a whole new concept in our house and we are still learning what needs to be done. I have looked into Al Anon meetings and there are none close by that I can go to at this time. There are things that I need to do before I can consider driving 40-60 miles for a meeting. We are looking in to counseling locally for each of us, it's just not Al Anon or AA yet.

kam7189

I know what "normal" is (as much as anyone can). I was previously married to a non-drinker so I can remember what it was like to live a life not ruled by alcohol. I've just never had these experiences with him.

kam7189

Yes, we are on here as separate individuals. Right at the moment he doesn't even know my screen name. I know his (he told me) but we have discussed him going with another name so he has anonymity from me.

kam7189

It's just a couple of small things this weekend and it's stuff that he has chosen to do. I'm definitely letting him set the pace for things he wants to do because he's the only one that can tell me if he's ready or not.

I know we still have a few days before the weekend and everything could change between now and then, but *today* I can say that I am looking forward to the weekend.