Thomasthetank

So since I quit I've been thinking about the people I've known over the years who have died from drink over the years- 3, as far as I know. Plenty are well on their way to the death beds and others just dissapeared and may not still be around.

Even though the doctor says I'm fine I can't shake the feeling that I can't have gotten off that lightly, that I hit it worse than the others and if there's any logic or justice to this world I should have gone before them. I keep worrying the tests were wrong, every time my ribs ache I get a rush of anxiety right through me. I was ill the other week and had a terrific fear that when I threw up it would be blood.

I'm wondering if this deep down is some kind of manifestation of guilt from being alive through sheer dumb luck.

Tom.

Meraviglioso

I don't know Tom. I don't have any friends who have died due to drinking, so I am not sure what that feels like. I can say that I do feel extraordinarily lucky that nothing majorly horrible has happened to me. Sure, I've had a million really, really bad things happen, but nothing seriously grave.
I would say to you that you need to take that "luck" you have been given and now live life to the fullest, staying sober and aware. Do this for two reasons, one, as a way of saying thank you to the powers that be that you have escaped serious health issues and two, as a way to honor the lives of your friends.
A big hug.

Dee74

Look around tho Tom - there is no logic or justice in the world...or we wouldn't have a third world with children dying, sectarian and religious violence, racism or a thousand other things...including people I've known who died from addiction too.

Maybe you 'got off lightly' - or maybe you were spared to do something really special and decent with the rest of your life?

I don't know if that's the case, but it's not a bad way to approach the rest of your life, is it?

D

anattaboy

Yes, I was also fortunate in that somehow I did not do as much damage as I felt at the end and am still blown away that I beat HCV which I had for 14 yrs. (that really changed my outlook as I was resigned to dying from that) but it has left me more with a "now what?"
I've been living for a long time in self-imposed doom, sure that liver failure was eminent...and now it isn't. A new outlook requires a new Plan--the clock is still tickin and I may have a little more time but I still gotta do the right thing.