Meraviglioso

In the form of a pill.... today is the day I start my antabuse and I cannot wait. When I first started considering it I was so frustrated that I just couldn't pull it together and quit on my own. But I don't care anymore, not at all, I will do anything to get and stay sober and if that means taking medication then so be it.
I am a bit, ok, a LOT frustrated with my doctor though. You may recall a earlier post where she instructed me to drink a glass of wine on day 6 and "experience the reaction" I found this to be a crazy suggestion as this was just to be on my own at home, no supervision. She did say "you might want to do it when the kids are in bed" hmmm.... I'm going to skip that.

I am also pretty angry about her dosage suggestions. She told me to start with 3 pills a day for 3-4 days then drop to one. Well the pills are 400mg each, that would put me at 1200 mg a day which is WAY over the 500mg recommended maximum dosage. Everything I have found online says DO NOT exceed 500 mg a day.
I know that "doctor knows best" but I am going to trust myself on this and just do 1 a day. I am already nervous about the possibility of harmful side effects, I don't agree with a higher than maximum dosage and frankly feel it was quite careless of her to prescribe that. I am glad I did my own research.

Anyway, I feel great, so happy and hopeful that I will find freedom from alcohol with this pill. I plan on taking it for 5 months as she prescribed and then go from there. I hope I will feel strong enough then to go off the medication and continue the sober path with other, non medication resources.

HERE I GO!!!!

Gilmer

With all due respect, that doctor sounds incompetent. If you followed her advice, you might be dead! Can you get a second opinion (even if it means driving a little farther to an urban area)?

Meraviglioso

Honestly, at this point I trust the internet more than I trust her. I don't think it is just her, I just haven't found much understanding here. Several medical professionals have advised me to "just drink 1 glass with meals" which CLEARLY indicates that they don't understand alcoholism at all. My god, 1 glass with a meal, wouldn't that be amazing? More like amazingly impossible.

Meraviglioso

Hmmm, well the literature that came with the medication gives starting directions as

Initial dose: take 2-4 tablets at one time
Maintenance dosage: Take 1 and a half per day

Below that there is something called therapeutic treatment schedule and that is where it says take 2-3 tablets for 3-4 days followed by 1 a day.

I am still wary of that though and think I will just do 1 a day. I wonder why it would be different here. I know different countries have different laws but dangerous is dangerous no matter where you are.

MavisTheFairy13

That's a little confusing. I would probably only have one too. Hope that it works for you good luck

Meraviglioso

I know I sound absolutely bat-sh*t crazy but I am nearly in tears I feel such relief. RELIEF. having this prescription in my hands. I am nervous about taking it on an empty stomach (although the literature says that is not an issue) so I am waiting for mealtime, but I cannot wait. I want to drink down the entire bottle of pills! i won't! Just an exaggerated way of saying how eager I am to get a little bit of mental rest.

I know this will not be a magic pill but I just feel like it will buy me some time while I put other resources and support into place. I just need to get alcohol out of my life immediately though and do not want it to be an option at all.

I called my psychologist and made an appointment. She cannot see me until the 13th of October, but once in I can see her weekly. I have googled online AA meetings today as there is just no way I can get to an in person one here. Logistically it does not work.

God, now I am crying. I cannot tell you what relief I feel. I am just so exhausted, so beaten down by failing so miserably time and time again. I am a good person, I am, I just cannot do this by myself. I have no idea why, I have tried so hard. So like I said, this is my way of just taking a rest mentally from the battle of finding sobriety. As I no longer have to deal with the issue of am I or am I not going to drink, I can now concentrate fully on becoming a healthier person physically and most importantly mentally.

I know this is a life-long affliction, it won't ever go away and I will always have to stay sober, eventually without medication. But if you could see the tears flowing now, pure joy.

Gilmer

That is wonderful.

Change4good

I am glad you have some relief, and this plan works for you.

IOAA2

Hi again.
The relief you felt happened to me my last day I had a drink. In pain and despair I said a little prayer in my den “Please God help me stop drinking.” I’ll add I’m not a religious person. At that point it felt like a huge weight was lifted from me and I was elated.

A thought I had in regards your location situation is to perhaps order the Big Book called Alcoholics Anonymous and Living Sober. They are the types of books that if they are read every day for years many will say I never saw that before.

There are excellent conference speakers on a site called XA-Speakers which has a procedure to download thousands of MP3s to a listening device for future listening.

BE WELL

Meraviglioso

Thanks for that suggestion. I think I will order some reading material. I found the Big Book online but I much prefer a hard copy, especially if reading in bed, my preferred spot for reading. I assume I can order it on amazon, I'll look into that now. I would also like to re-read Drinking: A Love Story. I remember relating so much to that book when I read it years go. I misplaced my copy along the way. Actually, I'm going to go have a look at the thread on suggested books, might as well load up while placing an order!

And yes, I feel pure, unadulterated relief. Again, I want to be clear that I FULLY understand that this medication will not sort out the root of the problem, but just to take away the option of drinking- in pill form- while I work on the rest feels like I have been thrown a lifeline.

Charlie117926

Awesome post Mera:

I am wishing you the best with this help that you seeked out. I hope it assists in getting some time under your belt. You have been in my thoughts and prayers. You can do this Mera. The determination is clear in your posts. Have a great day my friend.

EJ43

Awesome mera! Great thread!!!

Meraviglioso

Thanks for the positive messages. From what I have read in other threads here it is pretty normal to feel like a "cheat" for taking antabuse, so I hope my little joke won't offend anyone else on the same path.... In my head I've been referring to myself as the Lance Armstrong of recovery. heh heh heh. Ok, not as funny written out as it is in my head.

So, I took my first dose of antabuse yesterday and it was fine. I waited until my boyfriend arrived as I was nervous about any possible side effects. Not that there are many that would cause immediate trouble (as long as one is alcohol free) but I still felt anxious. It tasted fine, I generally don't like those effervescent medications but there wasn't really any taste, just a bit chalky. I was hypersensitive to my body afterwards, but even so didn't notice anything really.
I will say that I had a lovely moment when I swallowed it down. I apologized to my boyfriend for all the times I have let him down due to alcohol and thanked him for his unwavering support. I cried and told him how free I felt and I think he finally understood.

I plan to go to a private blood center in a few weeks to get my liver checked again. My doctor doesn't seem to be too on top of the management of this drug. I saw on numerous websites that a liver function test is recommended after 2-4 weeks and then again periodically throughout the drug's use. Fortunately here there is the public system and then the private system and in the private I can go and get any test for any reason any time and it is not that expensive.

Thanks again for your support. I am just thrilled to have the opportunity to learn to be sober while having a medication as a back-up. The day I go off the medication and walk the sober life on my own two feet will be the greatest day of my life.

heartcore

You are already walking on your own two feet. Those two feet took you through the challenges of early sobriety & relapse, to a Drs. Office for help, to the Internet to do additional research (ok, that was your fingers), and finally to the pharmacy.

We use the tools we need. I don't think my sobriety is any lessened because I need the support of AA meetings & could not do it alone.

You are a strong (some might say stubborn...but I'll say tenacious) woman. Getting sober. In a far away land...

I picture you crying in relief, and wish I could just reach out & hug you. This will have to do. I'm here - on the other side of the planet, in the cold Far North, thinking about you, Ms. M, & sending my very best wishes to you.

Meraviglioso

Thanks for this. Really and truly.

songthread

Congratulations on all of your progress and for moving forward with a plan!!