mesmith2

I'm an alcoholic who has known it for two years. Every morning I would say, feeling hungover, " that's it! I quit today!" And by 5 pm I'm at one of the many liquor stores I frequented (didn't want any one liquor store to get used to seeing me) buying a pint which I would start drinking on my commute home and I'd finish it ... Hiding in my closet so my husband wouldn't know.

I'm 14 days sober, and nearly every time I pass a liquor store, my mind says, "go ahead, no one will know"

So messed up! Because I then have a debate with myself over whether or not I will do it. Thank god for AA, because when my mind talks like that I drive straight there for some serenity. And for that, I'm grateful!

livingnow

14 days sober is amazing.
thats 14 days of debate winning....keep it up

razor15

Congratulations on 14 days mesmith! Good on you for making a change. It's amazing the things we do to hide and mask our problem, thinking people won't know. There were times I have mixed a screwdriver (very strong screwdrivers...) in my coffee mug and happily driven along to wherever. Not sound thinking :-(

Dee74

Congrats on two weeks mesmith

D

Soberwolf

14 days is amazing, stay sober it will get easier

hang in there

Sasha4

Have you read about addictive voice recognition technique?

It explain and help you understand that voice that says 'go ahead, no-one will know'.

I think many, many of us here, hear something similar to you. A voice challenging us to drink and grab every opportunity to do it.

You might think it is messed up, but I can reassure you it is very common experience here, shared by most of us.

Once you recognise that thought is not you, its your addictive voice, it makes it easier to ignore it, laugh at it, tell it to shut up or take no notice of it.

I wish you the best x

least

Congrats on two weeks sober. Keep it up. It gets better.

fini

no-one will know, huh?

only if you're no-one to yourself.

make yourself count to yourself, and oh yes! someone will know!!


keep going.

kirstensmith

Wonderful! Congratulations on 14 days sober!

esinger

14 days is awesome.
I used to think no one would know. The thing I realize now is I was fooling no one. Those who knew me could tell right away. My wife knew I was trying to hide it for years. Didn't say anything until she had enough and snapped. I now can tell almost instantly if someone has been drinking.
I totally identify with the liquor store thing. There was a rotation of five on my 30 mile trip home from work. The crazy things you do for your addictions!
Keep fighting the temptations. It will get much easier.

Soberpotamus

That was one of the strongest pulls for me as well... no one will know. I used to see it as my right to drink the way I wanted and in the privacy of my own home.

No hangover was ever enough to make me want to quit though. For me, it was mental/psychological/spiritual anguish.

Wastinglife

Mesmith, I think many of us know that mental battle you described. I didn't care about the hangovers in a physical sense. It was the anxiety that kept me running back to the liquor stores and pubs after a night of drinking. I couldn't sleep unless I had at least half a bottle of vodka before bed. Then wake up the next day, rinse and repeat.

I got away with the drinking for a while when I was in mid-20's and I could just say I am young and just acting my age, but when all my friends started to settle down and focus on their careers/family, it became apparent to every one that I may have a problem.

I was engaged when I was 31 (rehab at 34), but kept delaying any wedding plans because I was getting so out of control with the booze and I was terrified of everyone finding out I was a full-blown alcoholic. (Although, many of them probably already knew)

Keep up the good work! 14 days!

suki44883

You'll know.

jryan19982

I've done that multiple times in my travel mug. Prob not the smartest idea but heckling I thought it was. I don't miss that anxiety filled ride home trying not to get pulled over. Its a miracle I was never pulled over. But I know my luck would run out and I am glad I am not in that position.

Great job on 14 days. It took hard work and that deserves an atta boy or girl. Think of all the great things you have done over the past 14 days sober and use that as motivation.

PickleMan

Congrats on the 14 days, that is awesome! Keep at it!! I hope you keep coming back here

FeelingGreat

The AV and habit will keep trying for a while. Stay clear of temptation as much as possible, and be confident that they will become easier to resist every time you say no.

hopefullylost

I am the same way. I could get past the physiological aspect of it as long as I didn't have depression, anxiety or was regretting my actions from the night before. I justified my drinking by saying, "well at least I behaved myself last night". On the nights that I didn't behave, that was a different story. I'd just beat myself up. It was always worse when I got blackout and had to have people tell me the terrible things I did. Definitely anguish.

luvmygirls

mesmith, I know you posted this a few days ago, but thank you. "No one will know" is my Achille's heel in sobriety. Outside of this forum, literally no one knows I stopped drinking. I'm sure that on some unconscious level, it's to give me an "out," just in case.

mesmith2

I can identify with that, josharon. My drinking buddies have no idea I quit or that I'm alcoholic for that matter... I drank alone for the most part or "pregamed" before drinking with them. I suspect they wonder why I haven't seen them in a while.

Another interesting experience I had when disclosing I was alcoholic to my sister and three close friends... Only ONE took me seriously. The others said to me... Things like... "No you're not! It's ok to have a little every day!" I never disclosed that I was knocking back a pint every night. See, I was highly functioning.

My point is... If you tell anyone, their reaction may not be what you expect!