KCrazy

Hello everyone, been reading all of your thoughts and feelings for about a week now, thought it was time to post my own... Been with my xabf for 8 1/2 years, on and off... He's left too many times to count, days, weeks, months, at a time, but always to return, make amends and false promises. I found alanon about a month before the incident that resulted in him leaving AGAIN, he's been gone almost 2 months now. With alanon, I was FINALLY starting to see "the light" at the end of the tunnel, I knew change was necessary, so I figured, I could/would, if he couldn't/wouldn't. Well "the light" didn't last long... or, we didn't, anyway... This time feels different, we BOTH know he HAS to quit drinking before he comes back... And we all know what a daunting task that seems... So here I am, alone, with all the emotions/feelings that go along with the loss of the "love of my life" and the devastation of shattered hopes and dreams... Obsessive waiting, wondering, what now...

CodeJob

Welcome KCrazy!

Glad to hear you are trying Al Anon. SR is a great resource too!

mejo

The leaving is the cycle that all addicts use. I think it is a sense of control for them. They want us to change, just as we want them to. Sorry you are hurting. Keep posting. You will find strength here.

NYCDoglvr

Recovery is a process that doesn't proceed as fast or smooth as any of us would like. For me it was two steps forward, one step back. But you're on the right path, you have tools and support.

“I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.”

dandylion

KCrazy....yes, it is true that waiting and hoping are pretty useless tools when diealing with alcoholism.

Acting on your own behalf is what will light your path..... going to alanon is great action on your part!

dandylion

AnvilheadII

He's left too many times to count, days, weeks, months, at a time, but always to return, make amends and false promises.

this has become the "normal" for both of you.....come here, go away, i'm leaving, i'm back and always, ALWAYS with the Alcoholic Oath:

I'm Sorry
Please Forgive Me
It Will Never Happen Again

until it does.

I know you are in a sad and painful place right now. but this is also your opportunity to BREAK the pattern, do something different. THIS TIME. i'm really glad you found us and that you found alanon. those are two really big steps!!!