Thinking about quitting drinking
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 3
Thinking about quitting drinking
Hello all,
This is my first time posting here, although I did start lurking a few months ago after I started to develop the morning-after shakes after a heavy binge and wanted to find out what was going on.
I'm 29 years old. I suppose I followed a similar trajectory to many of you -- alcoholic father, started to drink when I was a teenager and escalated as my 20s went on. I've known on some level since high school that I was probably an alcoholic, I knew my family background and I knew I could drink a lot. But everyone you knows drinks like an idiot in their teens and early 20s, and you can bounce back quick so it just doesn't feel like it's a problem. Used to be able to drink till 3 a.m. and goes to first class, later work, a few hours later. I had a stutter which generally got better when I was drunk, which I think encouraged me. It was nice being able to talk to people without the anxiety.
Anyway, as I got older the hangovers got worse, and my tolerance got higher so I was actually drinking more to go to bed with the same feeling. When I was 25, I moved to another town where I couldn't walk to the bars and I didn't have as many friends. So I would drink alone at home more. Looking back I think this made it worse, since I would drink more quickly than I might at a party or a bar, where you have other people around to temper your behavior.
When I was 28, the hangovers started to get really bad. I don't know if hangovers is the right word, maybe this is when it crossed over into withdrawals. I would go to work and be fine till late morning, probably because there was still booze in my blood. As I dried out, though, I would get sweats, leg cramps, anxiety. I would feel like I had to **** constantly, and even if there really wasn't any urine to speak of in my bladder I would still feel like I was about to **** myself.
A few months ago, after a particularly hard weekend (I was basically drinking from Friday night to Sunday night), I got the shakes for the first time. It was early afternoon Monday, I had felt OK till lunch time, then it set in. By 3-something I had the dry heaves. I had to drive somewhere for work; I tried, but pulled over, my hands shaking uncontrollably, and called into work saying I had suddenly gotten sick and had to go home. I wasn't sure if I could even make it, so I left my car and got a ride from a friend.
It's happened to me a few times since then, the shakes, and it's interfered with my work at times. Usually after a night where I binge-drink a decent amount (say more than 7 or 8) in a relatively short period. I suppose that's why I'm finally acknowledging my problem and posting this now. I take pride in what I do, and I can't be in the office or out working with my hands and legs shaking feeling like I have to **** every 10 minutes. I know having a drink late morning might help, but I guess fortunately I'm not so far gone that having a shot of whiskey at 10 in the morning sounds like a good idea.
It happened again today. Last night, I was at a bar with some colleagues, and a couple things a close friend said triggered me to think about some unpleasant things in my childhood that I try not to think about and some feelings of jealousy and loneliness in my current life. It wasn't his fault; it was a tenuous connection but my mind made it. I stayed at the bar after everyone else left pounding jacks and coke, and had a few more beers at home before going to bed. When I went to bed, I was seriously thinking about dying, wondering if things will ver get better, if I will ever be happy drunk or sober, thinking about if maybe I should just shoot myself in the head and not bother. This isn't an "I almost killed myself," I don't think I was close to doing it, but I was thinking those thoughts.
I woke up early (I often do after a binge, I'm told it's something to do with blood sugar levels waking you up), had some coffee, watched the news and went to work. I brought a few apples and pears in with me, thinking I might need the sugar. The shakes, the pain in the stomach (it's like your liver hurting and your bladder being squeezed at the same time) and the general feelings of awfulness began to set in after I'd been there about an hour. Then, I had to drive somewhere. I ended up stopping and grabbing a couple orange juices, and still I had to pull over a couple times and rest because I would start panicking and my hands were shaking too much and my legs felt numb. I was late to my appointment. Fortunately, my schedule was such that I could go home and lie down at lunchtime; I was OK after that.
I don't drink every day, and occasionally I'll go a few days in a row without drinking if I'm busy or don't have opportunity. But I do drink most days, and I have from several drinks to more than a dozen on days I do drink. I'm starting to wonder if I've damaged my bladder, I have to **** a lot even when I'm not drinking. (My dad has the same thing; he doesn't really drink anymore and still has it, so I'm not sure if it's alcoholic damage or bird-bladdered genetics catching up.) And a couple times on a Monday I've felt some of the withdrawal symptoms, but milder, even when I didn't drink or only had a few beers on Sunday. (They usually are gone by Monday night, and I seem to end up drinking most Tuesday nights for some reason.) I feel like I have often missed out on other things in life, relationships especially, because I was more interested in getting drunk.
I'm not sure what I want to do. I don't want to drink as much as I do now, certainly. I know it's too much. I'm not sure if I want to quit, or will. It would be tough, I do enjoy drinking, and pretty much everyone I know drinks a good deal (although I admittedly drink more than most of them), I'm honestly not sure anymore how I would socialize without spending time at places where drinks are served. (I'm single, and still want to meet someone.) I don't live near my family anymore so that's not really an issue or a trigger, but most everyone I work with drinks, it's a major form of after work socializing, where ideas are formed and friendships and alliances cemented. My profession gives a lot of leeway to functioning alcoholics. But I'm getting to the point where some mornings I'm not so functional.
Anyway, thanks for reading.
This is my first time posting here, although I did start lurking a few months ago after I started to develop the morning-after shakes after a heavy binge and wanted to find out what was going on.
I'm 29 years old. I suppose I followed a similar trajectory to many of you -- alcoholic father, started to drink when I was a teenager and escalated as my 20s went on. I've known on some level since high school that I was probably an alcoholic, I knew my family background and I knew I could drink a lot. But everyone you knows drinks like an idiot in their teens and early 20s, and you can bounce back quick so it just doesn't feel like it's a problem. Used to be able to drink till 3 a.m. and goes to first class, later work, a few hours later. I had a stutter which generally got better when I was drunk, which I think encouraged me. It was nice being able to talk to people without the anxiety.
Anyway, as I got older the hangovers got worse, and my tolerance got higher so I was actually drinking more to go to bed with the same feeling. When I was 25, I moved to another town where I couldn't walk to the bars and I didn't have as many friends. So I would drink alone at home more. Looking back I think this made it worse, since I would drink more quickly than I might at a party or a bar, where you have other people around to temper your behavior.
When I was 28, the hangovers started to get really bad. I don't know if hangovers is the right word, maybe this is when it crossed over into withdrawals. I would go to work and be fine till late morning, probably because there was still booze in my blood. As I dried out, though, I would get sweats, leg cramps, anxiety. I would feel like I had to **** constantly, and even if there really wasn't any urine to speak of in my bladder I would still feel like I was about to **** myself.
A few months ago, after a particularly hard weekend (I was basically drinking from Friday night to Sunday night), I got the shakes for the first time. It was early afternoon Monday, I had felt OK till lunch time, then it set in. By 3-something I had the dry heaves. I had to drive somewhere for work; I tried, but pulled over, my hands shaking uncontrollably, and called into work saying I had suddenly gotten sick and had to go home. I wasn't sure if I could even make it, so I left my car and got a ride from a friend.
It's happened to me a few times since then, the shakes, and it's interfered with my work at times. Usually after a night where I binge-drink a decent amount (say more than 7 or 8) in a relatively short period. I suppose that's why I'm finally acknowledging my problem and posting this now. I take pride in what I do, and I can't be in the office or out working with my hands and legs shaking feeling like I have to **** every 10 minutes. I know having a drink late morning might help, but I guess fortunately I'm not so far gone that having a shot of whiskey at 10 in the morning sounds like a good idea.
It happened again today. Last night, I was at a bar with some colleagues, and a couple things a close friend said triggered me to think about some unpleasant things in my childhood that I try not to think about and some feelings of jealousy and loneliness in my current life. It wasn't his fault; it was a tenuous connection but my mind made it. I stayed at the bar after everyone else left pounding jacks and coke, and had a few more beers at home before going to bed. When I went to bed, I was seriously thinking about dying, wondering if things will ver get better, if I will ever be happy drunk or sober, thinking about if maybe I should just shoot myself in the head and not bother. This isn't an "I almost killed myself," I don't think I was close to doing it, but I was thinking those thoughts.
I woke up early (I often do after a binge, I'm told it's something to do with blood sugar levels waking you up), had some coffee, watched the news and went to work. I brought a few apples and pears in with me, thinking I might need the sugar. The shakes, the pain in the stomach (it's like your liver hurting and your bladder being squeezed at the same time) and the general feelings of awfulness began to set in after I'd been there about an hour. Then, I had to drive somewhere. I ended up stopping and grabbing a couple orange juices, and still I had to pull over a couple times and rest because I would start panicking and my hands were shaking too much and my legs felt numb. I was late to my appointment. Fortunately, my schedule was such that I could go home and lie down at lunchtime; I was OK after that.
I don't drink every day, and occasionally I'll go a few days in a row without drinking if I'm busy or don't have opportunity. But I do drink most days, and I have from several drinks to more than a dozen on days I do drink. I'm starting to wonder if I've damaged my bladder, I have to **** a lot even when I'm not drinking. (My dad has the same thing; he doesn't really drink anymore and still has it, so I'm not sure if it's alcoholic damage or bird-bladdered genetics catching up.) And a couple times on a Monday I've felt some of the withdrawal symptoms, but milder, even when I didn't drink or only had a few beers on Sunday. (They usually are gone by Monday night, and I seem to end up drinking most Tuesday nights for some reason.) I feel like I have often missed out on other things in life, relationships especially, because I was more interested in getting drunk.
I'm not sure what I want to do. I don't want to drink as much as I do now, certainly. I know it's too much. I'm not sure if I want to quit, or will. It would be tough, I do enjoy drinking, and pretty much everyone I know drinks a good deal (although I admittedly drink more than most of them), I'm honestly not sure anymore how I would socialize without spending time at places where drinks are served. (I'm single, and still want to meet someone.) I don't live near my family anymore so that's not really an issue or a trigger, but most everyone I work with drinks, it's a major form of after work socializing, where ideas are formed and friendships and alliances cemented. My profession gives a lot of leeway to functioning alcoholics. But I'm getting to the point where some mornings I'm not so functional.
Anyway, thanks for reading.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi Cornelius, you're going through a painful process of looking at your lifestyle and drinking and, although it doesn't seem that way, you're lucky because some people never hit that point and go on to become life-long alcoholics. It shows great maturity that you can finally deal with these issues.
I didn't start excessive drinking until my 30s and 40s, but in my 50s I realised I had to decide to either stop, or continue drinking too much. I'd tried moderating, but had to face facts that I couldn't keep it at that level for long.
Now you're getting concerned, why not do some reading, go and talk to your doctor, maybe seek support in a group? Becoming sober is a big confronting step, but for me it's been hugely rewarding. The social aspect tends to take care of itself, but sometimes you need to put work into creating new pastimes and interests for yourself. You won't do that drinking alone at night.
Stay around SR; you'll get lots of support here.
I didn't start excessive drinking until my 30s and 40s, but in my 50s I realised I had to decide to either stop, or continue drinking too much. I'd tried moderating, but had to face facts that I couldn't keep it at that level for long.
Now you're getting concerned, why not do some reading, go and talk to your doctor, maybe seek support in a group? Becoming sober is a big confronting step, but for me it's been hugely rewarding. The social aspect tends to take care of itself, but sometimes you need to put work into creating new pastimes and interests for yourself. You won't do that drinking alone at night.
Stay around SR; you'll get lots of support here.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
G'day Cornelius
Seems alcoholism caught up with you real quick.
Shaking / Dt is serious stuff.
I have never experienced them, but a little research after I got sober revealed that around 70% of alcoholics will get the shakes, while 30% of us will drink on till the bitter end and never shake.
Seems I was one of the 30%.
I had all the physical symptoms you've described above except shakes and I got a few others too, but for the sake of scaring you and others, I won't list them.
Look.... Fact of the matter is, this is a warning sign, a BIG one.
Thinking time is over , take action.
Seems alcoholism caught up with you real quick.
Shaking / Dt is serious stuff.
I have never experienced them, but a little research after I got sober revealed that around 70% of alcoholics will get the shakes, while 30% of us will drink on till the bitter end and never shake.
Seems I was one of the 30%.
I had all the physical symptoms you've described above except shakes and I got a few others too, but for the sake of scaring you and others, I won't list them.
Look.... Fact of the matter is, this is a warning sign, a BIG one.
Thinking time is over , take action.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Hey Cornelius,
I am just a few years older than you at 32 and I can relate to every word of your post. My timeline was almost identical and at 29 I knew something was seriously wrong with my daily consumption of 10-12 drinks. It's funny you mention the late morning thing. I had almost forgotten about that. You're right. I would wake up at 7:00 and feel okay but have a headache. I'd go to work and feel pretty alert and aside from obvious dehydration and the headache, I could function. Around 10 or 11 I would feel like I was going to die. I hid it pretty well but I had moments where I wondered if I would have a panic attack. I hated wondering everyday: How will I make it til 5 pm so I can go home and have a drink to calm my nerves?
It was bad at 29 but I pushed it three more years because I just wasn't quite ready or willing to give it up. I had hope that I would slowly stop wanting it as much and settle on a few beers here and there. It didn't happen. What did happen though is that I go too sick to drink everyday. I felt so awful at 5 pm that alcohol didn't even tempt me. Boy, that was a surprise. So I became an every other day drinker. Sick all the time though. I felt absolutely horrible every minute of every day, even when drinking. The drink stopped giving me the sense of calm even after five or six. Yuck. It was such a yucky cycle and I wondered how I would ever stop.
I know that for me, moderation wouldn't work. I wouldn't even enjoy it if drinking still worked for me. Two beers had roughly the same appeal to me as zero beers. I never became a mouthwash drunk but I certainly craved my 12 evening beers. I just had to stop. There was no denying it this past June when I finally did stop. I had shooting pains in my back in addition to the pains in my liver area that I had felt for several years. I could feel my body shutting down and I was given the gift of desperation.
Life seemed a bit dull in early sobriety and evenings seemed to stretch on forever. There was certainly no instant gratification but there was a subtle satisfaction in knowing that I wasn't actively killing myself by poisoning my organs with ever-increasing amounts of alcohol. It stopped working for me plain and simple. It would be like if chocolate started tasting like dog poop to a chocolate addict.
It's not easy but it can be done. I never lost a job or friends really. I was a very sick functioning alcoholic. I say "functioning" with a chuckle because nobody who is functioning consumes anything that makes them feel like dirt everyday. You can do this. Checking in here everyday is my number one tip!
I am just a few years older than you at 32 and I can relate to every word of your post. My timeline was almost identical and at 29 I knew something was seriously wrong with my daily consumption of 10-12 drinks. It's funny you mention the late morning thing. I had almost forgotten about that. You're right. I would wake up at 7:00 and feel okay but have a headache. I'd go to work and feel pretty alert and aside from obvious dehydration and the headache, I could function. Around 10 or 11 I would feel like I was going to die. I hid it pretty well but I had moments where I wondered if I would have a panic attack. I hated wondering everyday: How will I make it til 5 pm so I can go home and have a drink to calm my nerves?
It was bad at 29 but I pushed it three more years because I just wasn't quite ready or willing to give it up. I had hope that I would slowly stop wanting it as much and settle on a few beers here and there. It didn't happen. What did happen though is that I go too sick to drink everyday. I felt so awful at 5 pm that alcohol didn't even tempt me. Boy, that was a surprise. So I became an every other day drinker. Sick all the time though. I felt absolutely horrible every minute of every day, even when drinking. The drink stopped giving me the sense of calm even after five or six. Yuck. It was such a yucky cycle and I wondered how I would ever stop.
I know that for me, moderation wouldn't work. I wouldn't even enjoy it if drinking still worked for me. Two beers had roughly the same appeal to me as zero beers. I never became a mouthwash drunk but I certainly craved my 12 evening beers. I just had to stop. There was no denying it this past June when I finally did stop. I had shooting pains in my back in addition to the pains in my liver area that I had felt for several years. I could feel my body shutting down and I was given the gift of desperation.
Life seemed a bit dull in early sobriety and evenings seemed to stretch on forever. There was certainly no instant gratification but there was a subtle satisfaction in knowing that I wasn't actively killing myself by poisoning my organs with ever-increasing amounts of alcohol. It stopped working for me plain and simple. It would be like if chocolate started tasting like dog poop to a chocolate addict.
It's not easy but it can be done. I never lost a job or friends really. I was a very sick functioning alcoholic. I say "functioning" with a chuckle because nobody who is functioning consumes anything that makes them feel like dirt everyday. You can do this. Checking in here everyday is my number one tip!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Thank you for sharing your story with us Cornelius. It is incredibly clear you have so much more to offer this life than the light you are drowning with the drink. Don't waste another second..sobriety is the place your light finally shines my friend. Choose it.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Some great advice here Cornelius 
In the end I worked out I could live a peaceful life, being who I wanted to be - or I could drink.
But I couldn't be both.
I think that's the bottom line for most of us when quitting?
I'm glad you found us - welcome
D
In the end I worked out I could live a peaceful life, being who I wanted to be - or I could drink.
But I couldn't be both.
I think that's the bottom line for most of us when quitting?
I'm glad you found us - welcome
D
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
please remember our medical advice rule guys.
10. Medical Advice: No Posts giving medical advice, medication advice, or psychiatric advice. Do not use the forum to give or ask for professional medical or psychiatric advice. If you are a medical professional, please remember the forums and chat are for peer support only and not to be used for distributing professional medical advice and/or using the forum to represent your professional services. Medical and Psychiatric advice includes giving a diagnosis, treatment plan, medication advice and dosage suggestions, over the counter and natural home remedies that should be approved by medical professionals. Detox can be dangerous and life threatening at times. Please consult with your physician.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Hi Cornelius, I am glad you are here.
The honesty in your post shows that you are not in denial. You can see you have a problem and are looking into dealing with it. That is a good thing. Reaching out for help is the first step.
I had the dry heaves and that absolutely awful feeling after a heavy weekend of drinking. As you said, from Friday night until Sunday night. I drank every night as well but the weekends were my let loose days.
I understand those past events playing again drinking even harder to try and chase them away. The anger and resentment that happens.
I hope you stick around. There is a lot of information and support here. It does get better once you get sober. The first couple weeks are rough but it is so worth it. I can tell you are a sincere, articulate person. Don’t waste any more of your life drinking it away. You can do it, you just don’t know how yet. You will if you keep coming back.
Hang in there.
The honesty in your post shows that you are not in denial. You can see you have a problem and are looking into dealing with it. That is a good thing. Reaching out for help is the first step.
I had the dry heaves and that absolutely awful feeling after a heavy weekend of drinking. As you said, from Friday night until Sunday night. I drank every night as well but the weekends were my let loose days.
I understand those past events playing again drinking even harder to try and chase them away. The anger and resentment that happens.
I hope you stick around. There is a lot of information and support here. It does get better once you get sober. The first couple weeks are rough but it is so worth it. I can tell you are a sincere, articulate person. Don’t waste any more of your life drinking it away. You can do it, you just don’t know how yet. You will if you keep coming back.
Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,420
Welcome, Cornelius. It's a tough spot to be in, not knowing if you want to stop but feeling like you should. Lots of us battled with that for years and years. Personally, I do wish I had come to the inevitable conclusion sooner- me and alcohol are an impossible combination.
While I don't have any experience with the shakes, I know that my symptoms were eventually enough for me to pick up my head and take notice. Yours sound like they are really trying to get your attention.
It's time to listen. You are so young- wouldn't it be nice to look back in a few years on a sober life rather than possible (inevitable, sorry) irreversible damage to your health, career and life?
It's a hard line for such a newbie- but I say it with compassion. If you think you have a problem, it's likely true- and with the insight you are already demonstrating, you can make glorious strides in a short time. I hope you choose to stay, read, post, put down the drink and get through the hard parts so you can enjoy the good parts.
While I don't have any experience with the shakes, I know that my symptoms were eventually enough for me to pick up my head and take notice. Yours sound like they are really trying to get your attention.
It's time to listen. You are so young- wouldn't it be nice to look back in a few years on a sober life rather than possible (inevitable, sorry) irreversible damage to your health, career and life?
It's a hard line for such a newbie- but I say it with compassion. If you think you have a problem, it's likely true- and with the insight you are already demonstrating, you can make glorious strides in a short time. I hope you choose to stay, read, post, put down the drink and get through the hard parts so you can enjoy the good parts.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Hi Cornelius- glad you found SR.
I know you are ambivalent about stopping drinking- you will work out what works for you in time. I found that my problem only got worse with time. All the efforts I took to 'get it right' (ie have the benefits without the downside) were unsuccessful- but all the while the torment and struggle grew.
In the end the only thing that brought me any quality relief, and freedom in my mind was sobriety. it wasn't my preferred choice- but now I am sober over 3 years I wish I had done so years ago.
I know you are ambivalent about stopping drinking- you will work out what works for you in time. I found that my problem only got worse with time. All the efforts I took to 'get it right' (ie have the benefits without the downside) were unsuccessful- but all the while the torment and struggle grew.
In the end the only thing that brought me any quality relief, and freedom in my mind was sobriety. it wasn't my preferred choice- but now I am sober over 3 years I wish I had done so years ago.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Still there, Cornelius?
While you're sorting out your thoughts, make an appointment with your doctor for a complete physical. There's no way of knowing what your worrisome physical symptoms are about, and your doctor is the best person to help you with this.
While you're sorting out your thoughts, make an appointment with your doctor for a complete physical. There's no way of knowing what your worrisome physical symptoms are about, and your doctor is the best person to help you with this.
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