Relapse #2. Help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 9
Relapse #2. Help.
Hello to all.
I am posting this after a 2 week binge on all kinds of downers and uppers.
This is my second relapse. You would think I would get it by now after loosing custody of my daughter one year ago.
I could not go to work today because of the aches and pain. Physically and mentally.
I cried to my mother that I need some kind of help and attempted to have myself baker acted. But got scared after the evaluation and was left with a choice to stay the 72 hours and see a psychiatrist or go home. Here I am now. I feel depressed. Worthless. All of these hopeless feelings. I am so scared of an inpatient facility and not quite sure if that's what I even need. I just need help.
I am posting this after a 2 week binge on all kinds of downers and uppers.
This is my second relapse. You would think I would get it by now after loosing custody of my daughter one year ago.
I could not go to work today because of the aches and pain. Physically and mentally.
I cried to my mother that I need some kind of help and attempted to have myself baker acted. But got scared after the evaluation and was left with a choice to stay the 72 hours and see a psychiatrist or go home. Here I am now. I feel depressed. Worthless. All of these hopeless feelings. I am so scared of an inpatient facility and not quite sure if that's what I even need. I just need help.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Grayslake, IL
Posts: 732
Welcome Crueltyfreeme,
This is an excellent place for support. You will find lots of good advice and a wealth of wisdom. I get your fears of inpatient rehab, I fought to get out of it and in the end went through intensive outpatent therapy. It made a huge difference for my recovery.
Keep your lifelines close, hopefully you will find treatment soon. Its okay to be scared, but it will be ok.
Bunnez
This is an excellent place for support. You will find lots of good advice and a wealth of wisdom. I get your fears of inpatient rehab, I fought to get out of it and in the end went through intensive outpatent therapy. It made a huge difference for my recovery.
Keep your lifelines close, hopefully you will find treatment soon. Its okay to be scared, but it will be ok.
Bunnez
Thankful for this community
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Ontario
Posts: 371
I wish I had some magical advice, but all I can offer is that I hope you allow those willing to help you to do so. I'm trying to get my stuff together too and I know how hard it is. I am wishing you well this night and we are all here for you.
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
Hi CFM and welcome!
The problem with seeing a psych is that if you're on stuff, it could be causing the odd behavior, or masking something else. But talking to your doctor and inpatient therapy could be the way to go. Why not? They would help you get better, you know? Binges of uppers and downers can kill you.
Also, have you looked at NA?
At any rate, take it a day at a time, keep posting, don't give up.
The problem with seeing a psych is that if you're on stuff, it could be causing the odd behavior, or masking something else. But talking to your doctor and inpatient therapy could be the way to go. Why not? They would help you get better, you know? Binges of uppers and downers can kill you.
Also, have you looked at NA?
At any rate, take it a day at a time, keep posting, don't give up.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: midwest
Posts: 484
Originally Posted by Tamerua 
talking to your doctor and inpatient therapy could be the way to go. Why not? They would help you get better, you know? Binges of uppers and downers can kill you.
Also, have you looked at NA?
At any rate, take it a day at a time, keep posting, don't give up.
Also, have you looked at NA?
At any rate, take it a day at a time, keep posting, don't give up.
Hi Crueltyfreeme, I am glad you are actively seeking help. Inpatient care does seem a little scary because you would be leaving your comfort zone and habits. I have never been to one but they are a facility designed to provide professional assistance in the very problem you are having: addiction.
This problem you have is not because you are a bad person. The things you have done while drunk do not define WHO YOU ARE unless you give in and continue the devastating cycle of addiction. Your future is indeed in your hands.
Please seek all available help and treat this like a life-threatening disease. We may not die from any particular 'night' or 'benge'.. but it's the course of hundreds of bad decisions over time that take us to these places in life that truly is hell on earth.
You can absolutely do this! As Tamerua said, be safe from withdrawals if that is a concern and inpatient care would completely help with that in a professional way.
You deserve to be happy and so does your family!
You Can Do This
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi CFM...don;t feel too bad...some of us had to experience that same lesson many many times over...
I'd hate that to be in store for you.
I know thinking about help is scary, but what could you do differently for your continued sobriety and recovery this time that wouldn't freak you out too much?
any ideas?
D
I'd hate that to be in store for you.
I know thinking about help is scary, but what could you do differently for your continued sobriety and recovery this time that wouldn't freak you out too much?
any ideas?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi CFM...don;t feel too bad...some of us had to experience that same lesson many many times over...
I'd hate that to be in store for you.
I know thinking about help is scary, but what could you do differently for your continued sobriety and recovery this time that wouldn't freak you out too much?
any ideas?
D
I'd hate that to be in store for you.
I know thinking about help is scary, but what could you do differently for your continued sobriety and recovery this time that wouldn't freak you out too much?
any ideas?
D
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,574
Welcome CrueltyFree. I'm so glad you joined.
This is a great place for understanding & support. I hope it'll help to talk things over here. Sorry for all that you've been through, but it can end - and you never have to go back to that life.
This is a great place for understanding & support. I hope it'll help to talk things over here. Sorry for all that you've been through, but it can end - and you never have to go back to that life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 9
Thank you to everyone here for not judging me. I went to see a counselor today. Although it made me feel even more horrible about my relapse. I am back in bed.
To those that have suffered a serious relapse...How did you manage to get back on track?
To those that have suffered a serious relapse...How did you manage to get back on track?
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
I relapsed after 2 years sober in AA.
The kind of AA meetings I attended followed an "Anything goes " policy.
It was up to me what I did etc.
No plan, no program, just freewheeling along and hoping for the best.
This time, I have a sponsor who holds me accountable, a group of 45 others who do likewise.
This "type" of AA scares a lot of people.
What i have come to realise is this.
These people care more about my LIFE than my feelings.
So if they need to tell it to me straight sometimes, they will.
Some people can discipline themselves and stay sober.
Not me, tried that, didn't go so well.
I realise I need "coaching" I need "training " in how to be the best I can be.
Anything goes AA was in hindsight, like expecting someone to become a professional ballet dancer, just by teaching themselves.
I'm sure it can or maybe has been done, but 98% of professional ballet dancers, subjected themselves to countless hours of teaching, coaching and lessons.
Do you think you can master sobriety being self taught?
The kind of AA meetings I attended followed an "Anything goes " policy.
It was up to me what I did etc.
No plan, no program, just freewheeling along and hoping for the best.
This time, I have a sponsor who holds me accountable, a group of 45 others who do likewise.
This "type" of AA scares a lot of people.
What i have come to realise is this.
These people care more about my LIFE than my feelings.
So if they need to tell it to me straight sometimes, they will.
Some people can discipline themselves and stay sober.
Not me, tried that, didn't go so well.
I realise I need "coaching" I need "training " in how to be the best I can be.
Anything goes AA was in hindsight, like expecting someone to become a professional ballet dancer, just by teaching themselves.
I'm sure it can or maybe has been done, but 98% of professional ballet dancers, subjected themselves to countless hours of teaching, coaching and lessons.
Do you think you can master sobriety being self taught?
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Seattle
Posts: 70
Hi CFM
I think almost everyone quits multiple times. I have had a crazy journey the past few years. But each time I decided to make a commitment to quit again I understood new things about myself. And I could see some small ways I had set myself up for failure from the start. And I'm doing it again, and better and differently.
How did the trip to the counselor make you feel worse? It's so important to have a good relationship with a therapist. Unfortunately sometimes you have to go to a few different ones to find one you trust.
A psychiatrist might be a good idea. Many people use all kinds of substances to mask some kind of depression or severe anxiety. A psychiatrist is not the end all be all, but can be a help. Take all the help you can get.
What is the situation in regards to your daughter? Does she live with people you know? Is the court asking you to complete any requirements for custody?
I think almost everyone quits multiple times. I have had a crazy journey the past few years. But each time I decided to make a commitment to quit again I understood new things about myself. And I could see some small ways I had set myself up for failure from the start. And I'm doing it again, and better and differently.
How did the trip to the counselor make you feel worse? It's so important to have a good relationship with a therapist. Unfortunately sometimes you have to go to a few different ones to find one you trust.
A psychiatrist might be a good idea. Many people use all kinds of substances to mask some kind of depression or severe anxiety. A psychiatrist is not the end all be all, but can be a help. Take all the help you can get.
What is the situation in regards to your daughter? Does she live with people you know? Is the court asking you to complete any requirements for custody?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,536
Hi CFM
Just wanted to add my 2 cents. I did do the inpatient and, it may sound crazy, but I loved it. It was the healthiest thing I could have done at that point. It was a supportive environment with counseling, healthy eating, exercise, meditation and 28 days of care. Yes, I was scared at first, but that was gone as soon as I started meeting people and getting involved.
Just a thought. Inpatient treatment will not only give you that 4 week healthy jump start into your new life, but it could be helpful later in getting your child home to her healthy mom.
Just wanted to add my 2 cents. I did do the inpatient and, it may sound crazy, but I loved it. It was the healthiest thing I could have done at that point. It was a supportive environment with counseling, healthy eating, exercise, meditation and 28 days of care. Yes, I was scared at first, but that was gone as soon as I started meeting people and getting involved.
Just a thought. Inpatient treatment will not only give you that 4 week healthy jump start into your new life, but it could be helpful later in getting your child home to her healthy mom.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Originally Posted by CRUELTYFREEME
To those that have suffered a serious relapse...How did you manage to get back on track?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 550
I've been drinking 30 years and relapsed many many times. I think I finally got tired of the whole ordeal. I drank way to much - way to often, and being an alcoholic got to be hard work. The feeling like crap, the disappointment in myself, the whole shebang.
I got back on track because I was sick of that life. Or maybe sick of not having a life. The ball and chain had to go. How I'm doing it, I'm saying no and toughing it out. A little willpower can go a long way.
You can do it as well. I wish you the best.
I got back on track because I was sick of that life. Or maybe sick of not having a life. The ball and chain had to go. How I'm doing it, I'm saying no and toughing it out. A little willpower can go a long way.
You can do it as well. I wish you the best.
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