Scram

Very slowly. This process has taken years, almost a decade. I'm 34 years old now, and things are starting to happen that I never thought would.

I showed up at a work event very drunk, and continued to get more drunk. By the end of the evening, my boss was well aware, and this morning we had to discuss it. I didn't get fired or anything, I just got more of a "What's going on? I'm pretty concerned" talk...

When did this become me? When did the shift take place from fun party weekend warrior to a guy who is drunk every night and shows up to work functions blasted?

I've tried AA, probably been to 20 meetings at this point. I'm seeing a therapist at $140/session. I've read countless books. Reached out to other sober people I know, only to disappoint them. I don't know how much more I have to lose in order to get better.

Or maybe I never will. And that thought is just so sad and so scary because it's so real. It's happening.. I'm falling apart.

flossyfressia

You will get sober. You can do this. Do you have an AA sponsor? Are you following the steps?

Anna

Hi Scram and Welcome,

Not one of us sets out to become an alcoholic and I think a lot of us (me included) were shocked to find out the truth. There is hope and you can change. Since you've tried a lot of things that haven't quite worked, what do you think is stopping you from recovering? I avoided recovery because I was scared to death of dealing with the emotions I'd been numbing for years. I was so afraid that I made myself physically, mentally and spiritually sick with alcohol. And, the emotions were still there.

I hope that you can find something that works for you and there is lots of support here.

biminiblue

Alcoholism is progressive. This is as good as you are going to get, and it will get far worse.

Stop for today.

Do it again tomorrow. Keep doing that. Please take back your life.

Good news/Bad news? No one else can save you, it's up to you.

jryan19982

Its a very slight downgrade, but when you've been on that downgrade for a long time, you really get far away from what was that initial party phase. I did it too. When I graduated college, i stopped during the weekdays and just did so on the weekends. It really wasnt until about 5-6 years ago, that I noticed hell I am drinking every day. And I continued to do that until very recently. The walk uphill might be tough, long, and full of rocks blocking your way, but you can do it. You may take a few steps back, but you will take more forward.

I have relapsed and then quit again. Most of us arent successful the first time around. If we WERE then a site like this wouldnt be here and I wouldnt be here, no one would be here. We need support to keep going, and support you will get. It will get easier.

Use this meeting as motivation.

HerezHouzee

Thank You for sharing. I to went thru 25yrs. of self torture knowing deep down I had a problem(denial) I tried everything to control it. I had so many bottoms(fights,loss,jail,probation,etc.) that should've made it enough. But I guess for Me I had to want it. It's not an easy choice and there are days you question it. But 6mos. sober now I do see and feel Hope for Myself and I am learning to get to know Myself, Forgive Myself and for the First Time Love Myself. So hang in there keep trying I know I Will.

Jupiters

welcome you found the right place for support!
I'm 37 and have not one, but 2 DUI's under my belt. I did jail for my last one this summer. If someone were to have told 20yr old me that would have happened, I would have said "F*** off, I'm not THAT stupid"
but it did.
I don't know where the shift happened either I've spent way too much time trying to sort out where it all "went wrong"....I guess in the end, it doesn't really matter does it? What matters is you are here now, asking for help

Soberwolf

Your trying thats the main thing

looking back is as good as looking down walking a tightrope with no harness

good luck in moving forward