My 1st real craving and realization
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Deep South, US
Posts: 62
My 1st real craving and realization
Hello all,
I just wanted to share with you what my 1st real craving was like for me, which happened last night after almost 3 weeks sober. Yesterday was my 10 year wedding anniversary. I spent a lot of time reflecting on the past 10 years, the ups and downs, and also that is the time frame where my drinking was more consistent (we drank pretty much every night before kids and a little less after kids). Well, last night my husband took us out to dinner (before me getting sober we would have grilled at home and gotten plastered). Before we left, my husband did his normal drinking beer outside until it was time to go to the restaurant. He wanted me to go sit outside with him, which is a huge trigger for me b/c that's where we would sit and drink and smoke. So as I was sitting, and craving, I thought to myself...can I just have one?
As I contemplated it the events went through my mind...I would have one, then another, then another, then would cancel plans to go out to eat so that I could stay home and drink, my kids (5&7) would be upset b/c they were looking forward to getting out, we would bribe them with a toy or candy so they would be happy, and I would wake up in the am with a hangover regretting my decision! Wow! To think that's what my life was like! How I have hurt my children in the past by my drinking! So, I am starting to have some feelings of guilt and shame, mainly for putting my kids aside for the drink. I am proud of myself for not picking up that 1st drink, I just need to be mindful for the next craving!!! Thank you for listening!!!!
I just wanted to share with you what my 1st real craving was like for me, which happened last night after almost 3 weeks sober. Yesterday was my 10 year wedding anniversary. I spent a lot of time reflecting on the past 10 years, the ups and downs, and also that is the time frame where my drinking was more consistent (we drank pretty much every night before kids and a little less after kids). Well, last night my husband took us out to dinner (before me getting sober we would have grilled at home and gotten plastered). Before we left, my husband did his normal drinking beer outside until it was time to go to the restaurant. He wanted me to go sit outside with him, which is a huge trigger for me b/c that's where we would sit and drink and smoke. So as I was sitting, and craving, I thought to myself...can I just have one?
As I contemplated it the events went through my mind...I would have one, then another, then another, then would cancel plans to go out to eat so that I could stay home and drink, my kids (5&7) would be upset b/c they were looking forward to getting out, we would bribe them with a toy or candy so they would be happy, and I would wake up in the am with a hangover regretting my decision! Wow! To think that's what my life was like! How I have hurt my children in the past by my drinking! So, I am starting to have some feelings of guilt and shame, mainly for putting my kids aside for the drink. I am proud of myself for not picking up that 1st drink, I just need to be mindful for the next craving!!! Thank you for listening!!!!
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 1,305
GOOD FOR YOU!!! I can totally relate to you on the "let's just stay home and grill" thing...easier to sneak drinks that way. :-( I too have put drinking before my kids on many occasions. I really hope that we will use the guilt to solidify our commitment to sobriety. I'm only on Day 2, so your 3 weeks is such an inspiration to me. Thanks for posting this.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Great stuff on pushing through!! Thoughts are only thoughts, they aren't actions!!
Don't beat yourself up too much, you are making the changes now for your kids, and that's something to be very proud of!!
Don't beat yourself up too much, you are making the changes now for your kids, and that's something to be very proud of!!
Thankful for this community
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Ontario
Posts: 371
This is very inspiring for me. Thanks for sharing. Good for you in your strength and prioritizing your family over booze. I understand what you're saying...the bbq, deck and drinking is familiar to me as well. Lets not get lulled into a false feeling of control after only a few weeks sober. Been there and I found myself starting over. Have a great Friday, Trying!!
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