ontherightpath

I Admit my problem.he doesn't. I am in recovery. He is not. I need support. He doesn't give it. I can be hard to live with. He can be hard to live with. I don't want him to quit for me. I have taken that topic off the table. I quit barking at him about what he NEEDS to do about his addiction. I focus on me. What I need. That's a a little caring from him. A little recognition about the things I am going through. (Sick family member, friend attempted suixide, juggling work, house work and 2 kids) I have no soft place to fall. I keep praying about it. I just want him to put down his guard and see past all the stress that I am under and be there for me. But on the nights that he is home, his pothead friends take rank. They get conversation, the laughs, the hang out time. I get sloppy seconds. Nothing changes. EVER. When I read this is see divorce is probable. When I see him (he travels full time for work) my anger reignites and I get snappy and irritated by everything he does. We argue about money. He never has time for a phone call on the road. He's always busy and I am so sick of it. I don't know what to do or where to go from here.

Ann

First, congratulations on your recovery, it's hard enough under good circumstances but your relationship is far from good and must place a strain on you.

You're right, as much as you want him to get sober or clean, it has to come from him. If he is unwilling to discuss this and unwilling to change his ways...then the change must come from you unless you want this toxic cycle to continue.

Surrounding yourself with recovery right now would help you make it through the tough days. I don't know if you go to meetings, but if you go to AA maybe try some Al-anon too, we have a lot of "double winners" here who work both programs, one for their battle with substance and one to find their balance again in relationships.

I wish I had a magic "fix it" answer, but the best thing you can do is to take very very good care of yourself and you've already done the hard part by getting sober. Well done.

Hugs

zoso77

Hey...

Ann summed it up best. My hope is that you are doing everything you can to take care of you. As long as you're doing that, you'll be able to make a decision at a point of your choosing.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

Trying2bhappy

OMG! I think that we have the same life! I too am married to a pothead/alcoholic and I've just quit drinking about 2.5 weeks ago. We have 2 boys. My brother, who is addicted to prescription meds and alcohol just, what we think, had a suicide attempt that landed him in jail! My husband and his alcoholic/pothead brother just stay outside on the weekends and drink themselves into oblivion. My future SIL came over last weekend (she doesn't drink either) and told me how she is fed up with his drinking too! They refuse to quit and will probably do this until they have some type of scare (health scare, arrested, etc)! We are otherwise happy in our relationship. I can tolerate his drinking, by himself, but when his brother comes over it's totally different... It's like they feed off of each other and can't help but to get completely wasted.

I had/have to learn to separate myself from them when they are drinking. I say the serenity prayer often, asking for acceptance of the things that I cannot change. I plan to take my boys out of the house to do fun things so that they aren't around when their dad and uncle get drunk watching football (they do not smoke unless they are somewhere else). I am trying to get back into exercise and working out. My mood has gotten better since I don't drink so I am better able to handle this situation. If you need anything, please feel free to pm me. I may not be an expert, but, I know what you are going through!

ontherightpath

Thanks. He got home last night and leaves again Sunday. I vented a bit last night. And I told him that this same coversation is getting old, if he can't find a way to me me and the kids a priority, I'm moving on. And I walked away and went to sleep. I'm sick of my own voice at the moment. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired of a one sided marriage. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired from drinking and hangovers and guilt shame and remorse---- so I quit. One might think that he would catch on. Anyways, I'll keep ya all updated. Thanks again