KissMyTiara

I see threads now and then about people hiding their alcoholism/addictions from their family....husband/wife, BF/GF etc.

I guess I don't understand that. How can you do that? If you are a true alcoholic why wouldn't they know? Seeing them, phone calls, being mysterious, other things. Just kinda mystifies me.

Ghostlight1

Mystifies me, too. As much as I tried to hide it, everyone knew I was a drunk.
Got to the point I didn't care.

FreeOwl

They know.....

it's just that our own addictive ignorance combines with their own loving denial to create a perfect storm of pretending and hoping....

They know.

PurpleKnight

Very few knew I had an alcohol problem, I got up, went to work and came home, I'm not married or have kids, so I live on my own and so no one really saw the extent of my drinking, which primarily was alone, on my sofa, in front of the TV!!

Other family members were the only ones that sometimes commented on my drinking, my mum is teetotal and my sister is a normal drinker, so both if I was around them would sometimes say something or when they were starting to get concerned!!

Wastinglife

I was always known as big drinker who could party. The type to buy rounds of tequila at the bar or be the last one standing at 6am. For a while, that's all I was. A good time drunk. Slowly things began to change however. When I got my own condo at 28 yrs old, I lived alone for the first time. I would come home from work on weekdays and have a few drinks by myself. Then it was a fifth of vodka by myself everyday after work. No one saw this part. I think everyone assumes I only drank socially, but I was drinking alone the whole time too.

During my worst drinking period, my girlfriend at the time didn't know how much I was drinking daily until she moved in with me. Then it was impossible to hide my alcoholism. I resorted to hiding bottles and such but you can't live with someone for very long without being exposed.

JimJim

On the contrary, I think THE 'best' alcoholics are the most devious, cunning and find the most thoughtful ways of hiding it

Personally I went to great lengths, I was creative and spent a lot of time planning how I could do it.

The more deceptive I was the greater the remorse and guilt. The amount of deceit was a measure of the mess I was in.

Alynn

My husband knew... I often tried to hide the amount I had from him. I would have a beer or 2 at dinner but it was never enough.. I had more hid at home. So glad I'm leaving that non sense behind!

I can do all things through he who strengthens me

sthlondonab

Friends and family confronted me long before I admitted the problem. About blackouts and levels of drunkeness far above everyone else.

I then pretended I had stopped and started loading up at bars on the way home from work or even at work in the bathroom.

It was so obvious, everyone knew despite the pretence of meeting people and sipping on diet coke whilst already wasted. I know instantly when someone has had a few drinks - the eyes, the slightly slower movements, the smell.

I carried on regardless, then came the sips at home upstairs or the nervous waiting for OH to go to bed so I could down wine, or making up business trips to go away for the night and drink.

I used to think I was the master of hiding my stash and empties from my other half at home, but I used to cringe when empties I went to throw out had already been discovered and gone. Must have been heartbreaking for them. I was warned and swore off so many times. The storm of pretending and hoping above rings so true. He left several weeks back, rock bottom arrived.

Thankfully I stopped all this by seeking help and I am relieved that I don't have to lie and cheat myself and others now. Recovering slowly but surely a day at a time.

I guess the progression of the illness runs that maybe you can hide it for a while, but the slippery slope means sooner or later you won't be able to, or won't care.

Lola23

How? basically you just drink when people aren't looking. It was easier than it seems actually. I live alone so that took care of a lot of times. When meeting friends/boyfriends out, I would drink as much as a bottle before I went out...and then just kept up drinking while at dinner or at a bar with others. If someone mentioned I smelled like alcohol when I showed up, I would just say I had a glass of wine while getting ready...totally normal right?

I would sometimes pour vodka into other bottles in the refrigerator, so when making dinner or something for my boyfriend at the time, we would share a bottle of wine...but I was also drinking vodka on the side.

Sadly, its easier than it seems to hide an addiction when you have no reservations about lying straight to someone's face.

Soberwolf

OK

Where I live only my next door neighbours knew I had a drink problem and that was only when things started to go downhill rapidly

I would never drink or hardly at all at my gf house as soon as I was home it was a litre bottle of vodka

I made excuse after excuse to get out of such things

I hid it so well you would have never known I also would never hide drinks why would I ? I wouldn't want you thinking anything now would i

In the end I couldn't control it I was drinking a litre of vodka (sometimes more) since my mum died everyday give or take for nearly 5 years

My alcoholism progressed to breaking point I should be dead I am lucky to be alive

Believe me some of us hid it so well you would have never of known only if you drank with me the first thing you would have noticed was me pouring a drink and coming out with my saying before every drink

Till the end


I was so lost

oldsoul1122

The number one person who knew I drank to excess was the guy down at the Quick Stop on the highway. I bought beer all week long. I'm in the country and live alone. It's been awhile now, he probably thinks I'm dead.

nomis

In a word, isolation. I traveled around to, what I thought were the most secluded places in the world, hoping to minimize the effects of my drinking. Maybe it was successful to some extent. But hiding one's alcoholism is full time job. Most people probably know most alcoholics drink too much, it's impossible not to. But they usually don't know the full extent.

Reminds of the scene from Flight when the attorney is giving Denzel Washington advice on how to answer questions about his drinking, to which he replies "Don't tell ME how to lie about my drinking! I've been lying about it my entire life."

Lola23

Same here. Mine was the 2 people who worked at the liquor store closest to work. I would stop and get either wine or vodka just about every day so I could crack open something to have on the drive home. I couldn't stock up b/c I would drink whatever I had...so would just buy what I needed each day. I actually found myself wondering the other day if those two cashiers noticed I hadn't been coming by....

Taking5

Here is a quote from the AA big book about Dr. Bob:

Like Dr. Bob, more people knew of my drinking than I had ever imagined. I think most alcoholics fall into this category, even if we are experts at hiding it (and we are). Eventually we a pass a certain point in our addiction and our problem is plain to see.

Lionhearted1

One of my great techniques was to only become good friends with other people that drank like me and also find partners that had addiction problems that way I could hide amongst it all.. Lol but when I was round a moderate drinker then I was exposed for all iam an alcoholic...