Iquit992

Hi guys and girls

Feeling pretty terrible and full of regret

I promised myself i wouldn't touch drugs again

I was at the bar and won a major jackpot whilst gambling. As soon as i won it was almost expected that I buy a lot of cocaine for my friends.

I was weak... I succumbed to the expectation and haven't slept for a day now

The anxiety is starting to set in as I worry about work tomorrow morning

Who else finds that money is a trigger for drug use

I'm so over feeling like this

larrylive

I am overwhelmed with the responses that popped into this recoveredcrackhead's mind.
So I'll just say yes, money was my one and only trigger. But doorbell was starting to have the same effect.
That money-trigger is a tricky situation to deal with, but I have hundreds in the bank and a debit card now (makes me smile just thinking about it) I will go to church shortly, then a meeting. After that I shall spend my Sunday afternoon cleaning a local park (for free) and then mow my Pastor's lawn. I suppose most of that would still happen if I still smoked crack because payday is on Wednesdays and the money would be gone by now. But then again I wouldn't be associating with those people, so I would be sitting home alone...wishing.
I no longer wish. I plan, I pray and I work. It's s good life. and I got money in the bank.

Be well,
Larry

OxyMaddened

I wouldn't say money was a direct trigger, but it sure made things easier to "justify" buying as I had it in the bank and wasn't using money meant to pay the mortgage or utility bills. To think I could've had a newly remodeled kitchen, or a new car or something else makes it real, AND real disgusting.

I finally got the courage to go C/T when I saw my account balance dip below 4 figures for the first time in many years. I told myself, ok, what happens when that's gone? Do I start selling off my MC collection? Then when that $$$ is gone, do I start using my bill/mortgage $$$? And when that's gone....what next?

Thankfully I somehow kept enough moral fortitude to never consider stealing money or pills from anyone, although I had plenty of chances. I don't know how I could've lived with myself had I betrayed people I love in that manner. I have so much to be thankful for, but it's still hard to think about the estimated $18-20K or so I wasted. I'll never know the exact figure. Maybe it's better that way...

Ashamedof

Money was a trigger for me too, I understand. I would justify it in my head "it's the beginning of the month, I'll make up the difference" and this went on till it was the end of the month and I used up most of the money. It got really scary towards the past month before I started subs. I was looking around at my coach bags and wondered what I could get for them. Anything to get your DOC. The brain doesn't act "normal" in active addiction and we do things we wouldn't do sober, most of us anyway.
I'm sorry you're having anxiety. Do you have someone close to you that you can trust with your money? I know, it's admitting you're not strong enough to handle your own finances but it's one of sad parts of addiction. We have to swallow our pride in order to get better.

Mamahawk

Money is a huge trigger for me. I think it is for most addicts. Unfortunately a lot of my morals went out the window for my addiction. Thankfully I have been able to overcome the person I was and with forgiveness and work to right my wrongs I can be happy and healthy and know that I am loved.

AlexThedude

Yes. I snorted meth almost every day for over a year with dollar bills... It still sends shivers up and down my spine to even see money, and I haven't had meth in 6 months almost. Also, it's a trigger for other substances, cause obviously it's used to purchase said substances.

soberclover

Money was a trigger but just being in a bar was a bigger trigger for me as it just brought me closer to where the action and drugs were available. Everything and I mean everything about how I was living my life when I was using had to change when I stopped using.

AnvilheadII

Everything and I mean everything about how I was living my life when I was using had to change when I stopped using.

that bears repeating, since I can only hit the thanks button once!!!

everything. yes. and then some!