mrsjosaphat

OK so today is my second consecutive day back on SR, and my first day sober. I am feeling a little better with all the sharing and reading but for some reason I'm ashamed for my husband to know I'm on here. He knows very well that I'm an alcoholic. I probably hurt him the most, but for some reason I don't want him to know. I can't seem to wrap my head around why I feel this way. I know he has to be wondering why I'm so attached to my phone and what I'm doing I'm just deathly afraid he'll ask. He drinks too but he doesn't get out of control like me. Not to say we don't think he has a problem I'm just really bad.

SoberLeigh

Alcoholism creates enough shame in our lives. Try to be proud of your recovery, Mrsj; it is an amazing process. I had been sober for two years before I found SR. I was caring for a dying parent and didn't have time for outside support. My husband was curious when, after Mom died, I was on-line so frequently. I let him know that I wanted and needed to make the changes in my life permanent and that I needed support to accomplish that. He was okay with that.

ccam1973

MrsJ, my wife wondered the same thing last year. I never joined SR but lurked a ton which got me stronger.

After relapsing, I finally told her about this site and that I was an active member; joined in April this year.

She doesn't really get why I need this community, but she is supportive now. For me, I was tired of hiding it from her; not that I needed to hide anything anyway.

Kind of silly that I hid something that was helping me / is helping me get sober. Think part of me didn't want to admit that I was quitting for good... That's probably a big reason for my several relapses since quitting for good July 7.

Best of luck with your decision. Weather you decide to tell you husband or not, the most important thing you can do for you, is to stay sober. Don't take that first drink. If this site helps, then get as much of us as you can.

Nothing to be ashamed of for using SR to help achieve your sober goal!! Ultimately, your husband will be proud of you.

You can do it.

mrsjosaphat

Thank you Leigh. I think my biggest fear is he will think I am weak, or maybe he will be ashamed of me. But I guess anything has to be better then all I've put him through.

mrsjosaphat

Thanx ccam and your absolutely right. There is nothing shameful about wanting to be better. I will tell him if he asks but I'm not ready to out myself.

SoberLeigh

It takes strength and courage to fight this beast. The fight is worth it; I am a much happier person now; my guess is that you will also be.

huntingtontx

I was so ashamed of my drinking that it was easy to tell my hubby about SR. He is an alcoholic also, but does not want to quit. One day maybe he will come to the computer and see where I am at. I pray that happens. Be proud that you are doing something to get better. You are showing strength, not weakness. We are all here for you.

herradura

Never be ashamed of trying to improve yourself. You never know, he might give you big old hug and say he is proud of you!! Good luck.

aasharon90

We have an illness. Alcohol or drugs makes
us sick in mind body and soul. Where do we
go when we are sick? What do we take when
we are sick? Who takes care of us when we
are sick?

We go to the doctor. We take our medicine.
and we have loved ones to care for us.

The doctor for me is AA meetings. I have
to take my daily dose of AA medicine everyday
to help me get and stay well in mind, body and soul.

The fellowship within recovery, for me, are
the ones that rally around me, support me,
listen, care, understand and show compassion
when I need it.

Today, I have that love, care, understanding
communication from you here in SR and my
husband. Faith, love, care from the Man Upstairs
to strengthen, protect and guide me.

mrsjosaphat

Wow it may sound crazy but I never even thought of that. To busy expecting the worse.

leviathan

NOT weakness! dealing with it is a courageous act.

I feel shame for some of my using actions. I felt shame holding me from admitting I was having a serious problem. then I admitted it.

I refuse to feel weak for trying to fix something. luckily, spouse was onboard for whatever support I needed. this site has been a lifeline. I don't think I would have all these tools I use without finding the wisdom posted on SR.

if you think husband is up for it, you might suggest the friends and family forum. they share too!

Altoids

My hubby loves that I have SR. I invited him to take a look around so he could see what it was about if he wanted to. He didn't, but I tell him about some of the discussions and he loves to talk with me about it. Whatever I need to do to stay healthy and present is okay with him. I hope you find the same support with your hubby.

mrsjosaphat

Now that I think about it I feel this way because we are so different. He comes from a home with 2 loving parents. Neither of them drink or do drugs, they don't even smoke cigarettes. He has a lot of brothers and sisters and non of them have addiction problems. Not that I know of, at least I never seen them behave like me. I on the other hand come from a home that never had a father (a lot of boyfriends though). My mom is a recovering drug addict and alcoholic and she's all the family I have. My mom excepts and reminds me all the time I have a problem but I think him and his family look down on me. Not to mention I'm an American and they aren't.

080514

I understand the shame. And also the fact that this means I really have to quit. I still have a hard time talking to DH about my alcoholism, I really only feel comfortable talking to other alcoholics. Even though DH and I have been married for almost 13 years, and have good communication about most things, this feels more personal... more ... I don't even know how to explain it (which is probably how you are feeling too). Like he doesn't understand and it makes him look at me differently (in my head).

mrsjosaphat

Unfortunately I think I may not have that kind of support from him. As a matter of fact I told him I was feeling bad today and he said "we're not going to do this today" I think that's why I started looking for support on line. I don't think he even wants to talk about it.

SoberLeigh

Speak to us anytime, mrsj. SR is 24/7.

Having said that, I will be away for a couple of weeks and posting may be challenging. I look forward to catching up with you later.

mrsjosaphat

Thank you so much for listing