What one year of sobriety has taught me
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
What one year of sobriety has taught me
I have been an alcoholic for 20 years. I am now one year sober. I have never been to AA. Instead, I have relied primarily on you wonderful, smart, supportive people here at SR as my main support system.
I am not an expert on alcoholism or alcohol treatment. I have only my personal experience to draw upon. So I don't have a formula for success to offer. I still struggle to stay sober, just like I did when I was at Day 1, or Day 51. But I struggle a little less each day.
What I do have are a few random thoughts. Take from them what you will.
1. If I can get sober after 20 years of drinking 8-10 drinks, or more, at least 5 or 6 nights per week, YOU can get sober. It doesn't just happen. You DO need a plan - a concrete plan for getting sober. If you fail, you need to revise the plan - and again each time you fail - until you find a plan that works for you.
2. My sobriety began with a simple, but critical recognition that I am not like "normal" drinkers. I am unable to drink one or two drinks. I need 8. Or 10. Or 20. Once I figured out my "on/off" switch simply doesn't work, it became easier to accept that I must stop drinking altogether. It is so blatantly obvious. It is the only conclusion that makes any sense. Consider whether you may be the same as me in that respect.
3. The main common denominator that I see among those who still struggle is that they don't seem to like themselves. We have all done things as drunks that are shameful, hurtful and maybe even unforgivable. But I have yet to meet someone here at SR who is undeserving of being loved. And as guilty and ashamed as I am for what I have done in the past, I am remembering that I am (especially when sober), an overall good person who deserves to have my own self-respect. I wish many of you felt the same way about yourselves. It is critical to recovery, just as self-hatred is a recipe for failure.
4. I used to be a magnate for problems. Always problems. Other people's problems became my problems. And the unfairness of life. I would dwell on that all the time. "Why me? Life is so unfair. It's not my fault because the world is out to get me." Now, I kind of picture my life as a long canoe ride down a river. I see beauty and joy, and I try to appreciate it as I pass it by. I see problems and strife, and instead of pulling my canoe ashore and getting caught up in those problems, I take comfort in knowing that the river's current will soon take me downstream from it. (And perhaps I paddle a little harder to get past it). Maybe that is selfish of me. But in early recovery, I think being selfish is a necessity.
5. Life IS better in sobriety. The crippling anxiety that I experienced following a night of heavy drinking is gone. My health is better, my relationships are better. My sex life (there, I said it), is better. My problems didn't all disappear with sobriety, but many of them did. And the ones that remain are much easier to deal with sober than drunk or hungover.
6. The mods provide a critical role here at SR. They have helped me through the darkest, early days of recovery. I sent an email to SR today, recommending that the mods be paid (or paid a lot more) for the invaluable service that they provide. I hope I am not talking out school here, but I encourage others to do the same.
I am actually not feeling particularly celebratory having reached one year of sobriety. A little relieved perhaps. But more than anything else, I am deeply, profoundly grateful for all of you. In ways that none of you will ever appreciate, you helped me get my life back. So, thank you. All of you.
I am not an expert on alcoholism or alcohol treatment. I have only my personal experience to draw upon. So I don't have a formula for success to offer. I still struggle to stay sober, just like I did when I was at Day 1, or Day 51. But I struggle a little less each day.
What I do have are a few random thoughts. Take from them what you will.
1. If I can get sober after 20 years of drinking 8-10 drinks, or more, at least 5 or 6 nights per week, YOU can get sober. It doesn't just happen. You DO need a plan - a concrete plan for getting sober. If you fail, you need to revise the plan - and again each time you fail - until you find a plan that works for you.
2. My sobriety began with a simple, but critical recognition that I am not like "normal" drinkers. I am unable to drink one or two drinks. I need 8. Or 10. Or 20. Once I figured out my "on/off" switch simply doesn't work, it became easier to accept that I must stop drinking altogether. It is so blatantly obvious. It is the only conclusion that makes any sense. Consider whether you may be the same as me in that respect.
3. The main common denominator that I see among those who still struggle is that they don't seem to like themselves. We have all done things as drunks that are shameful, hurtful and maybe even unforgivable. But I have yet to meet someone here at SR who is undeserving of being loved. And as guilty and ashamed as I am for what I have done in the past, I am remembering that I am (especially when sober), an overall good person who deserves to have my own self-respect. I wish many of you felt the same way about yourselves. It is critical to recovery, just as self-hatred is a recipe for failure.
4. I used to be a magnate for problems. Always problems. Other people's problems became my problems. And the unfairness of life. I would dwell on that all the time. "Why me? Life is so unfair. It's not my fault because the world is out to get me." Now, I kind of picture my life as a long canoe ride down a river. I see beauty and joy, and I try to appreciate it as I pass it by. I see problems and strife, and instead of pulling my canoe ashore and getting caught up in those problems, I take comfort in knowing that the river's current will soon take me downstream from it. (And perhaps I paddle a little harder to get past it). Maybe that is selfish of me. But in early recovery, I think being selfish is a necessity.
5. Life IS better in sobriety. The crippling anxiety that I experienced following a night of heavy drinking is gone. My health is better, my relationships are better. My sex life (there, I said it), is better. My problems didn't all disappear with sobriety, but many of them did. And the ones that remain are much easier to deal with sober than drunk or hungover.
6. The mods provide a critical role here at SR. They have helped me through the darkest, early days of recovery. I sent an email to SR today, recommending that the mods be paid (or paid a lot more) for the invaluable service that they provide. I hope I am not talking out school here, but I encourage others to do the same.
I am actually not feeling particularly celebratory having reached one year of sobriety. A little relieved perhaps. But more than anything else, I am deeply, profoundly grateful for all of you. In ways that none of you will ever appreciate, you helped me get my life back. So, thank you. All of you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 465
Thank you, and congrats on a year of sobriety!
I think point 3 is a VERY important one to take to heart, especially those still struggling to get to day, hour, even minute 1 of sobriety. We are all, every single one of us, deserving of happiness. We all have the ability to change for the better, and we all DESERVE the gift of sobriety, no matter our past actions.
I think point 3 is a VERY important one to take to heart, especially those still struggling to get to day, hour, even minute 1 of sobriety. We are all, every single one of us, deserving of happiness. We all have the ability to change for the better, and we all DESERVE the gift of sobriety, no matter our past actions.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Bay Area, California
Posts: 314
Congrats and thank you the very wise post! I agree with all your points. You're so right, if our on/off switch is broken, there's no really other choice but to stop, and self love is key. Which thankfully gets strengthened with continued sobriety. Beautiful insights here.
Great post.
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