Meraviglioso

Today I have a lunch meeting scheduled with my new employer. This is the job that I mentioned the other day. It is for a private individual, managing his household and affairs here in Italy as he lives primarily out of the country and is not fluent in Italian.
In any case, he offered me the position and then wrote saying he would like to meet again over lunch to get to know one another more and talk more about the position.
I heard from the woman who formally held the position that he is someone who enjoys the wine and relaxation that Italy offers. I know that today he will order wine at lunch. We are going to a very nice restaurant and it would be appropriate (for a non-alcoholic)
I desperately hope that he asks me what I would like to drink (water) or if I want wine before going ahead an ordering a bottle. I would hate for him to order a whole bottle thinking I am going to share it with him.
I already have my plan. I fortunately/unfortunately have a visible eye infection. It is not so gross I can't go out, but it is noticeable. It was a stye that was pretty bad. I am going to tell him that I am on antibiotics for that and hope he doesn't ask any further details about what medicine I am on, etc because it is a lie. I do not feel comfortable, nor do I feel it would be a good idea at this point to disclose the fact that I am not drinking. I am not prepared to answer questions on why, whatever else might come up.
Also, as it is a job type situation with a new and important client I am already nervous about the meal in general, which is a huge trigger for me anyway.
I'm ready though and know once I get out the fact that I am on antibiotics I can't then go back and change my mind and drink, so I hope to drop that into conversation while we are int he car on the way.
ooohhhh, wish me luck, I am a ball of nerves!

Meraviglioso

Oh and excuse the rant here, I try to stay positive, but I am mega annoyed that I am forced to tell a bold-faced lie over this. If I had a food allergy there would be nothing wrong with saying "I can't eat that" yet because I can't drink safely I am finding I have to lie to people as to why I cannot have alcohol at any given time. :/ such is life, I know it is for the best, but it is so irritating. I'd rather just be proud of my positive steps and confident and say "thanks, but no thanks, I am an alcoholic and don't drink" In any case, I have pre-gamed, with food that is, so I also don't go in overly hungry, which has never ben a major trigger for me but have heard from others is puts us alcoholics more into the danger zone. Had a little snakc and now am just waiting!

mecanix

good luck ,
Even if i were a drinker , i'd hope my affairs were handled by a sober and level headed individual .

Keep on

m

Meraviglioso

Exactly! Not only is a good idea for me personally not to drink due to my alcoholism, but despite it taking place over lunch, this IS a business meeting and I need to impress. I most certainly wouldn't be able to do that if I were to get drunk at lunch.

FeelingGreat

I agree that it would be better not to go into the details at this stage. You could say 'not drinking at the moment' and see if you need to say more. Make sure you have a big soft drink on hand to start the meal.

HeartsAfire

Good luck, Mera. I'm thinking about you & sending you positive vibes. You can do this!

PurpleKnight

Keep it simple, your a non drinker, there are people in this world that don't drink for religious or cultural reasons, and so they would be saying the same thing to this guy, "sorry, i don't drink, I'll have a water", end of story!!

You can do this!!

Amajorityofone

Amen.

ScottFromWI

I agree with purple, a simple no thank you is likely all that should be needed. Only alcoholics obsess about whether we are drinking or not, most others really don't think twice or care one way or the other. No explanation is needed, just ask for water and concentrate on the interview itself.

Charlie117926

I have used the antibiotic tactic before. I say whatever works at this point. Again, congratulations on the new position and I know you will be just fine. Please remain committed to your goal. you have been a huge inspiration for me. Have a great day Mera.

Meraviglioso

Lunch done! 3 HOURS! But it was a success! I got in the car and he started talking about the restaurant we were going to, explaining the things he likes to eat there and the fact that they have "a great wine list" I took this as an opportunity to "prep" the situation and said "it sounds delicious but I won't be able to partake of the wine due to my eye infection" Which also served as an opportunity to point out that my eye is, in fact, infected and not just red and swollen normally. At the restaurant we were ready to order and as is custom the waiter took our water order first (here is is all bottled water, still or sparkling) Later after ordering our meal he asked about wine and my host asked again "so you won't be having wine?" and I said "no, thank you" Easy!

DoubleFelix

Yay! Glad to hear it went well, Mera! A good reminder that what we expect is often worse than what we get.

Meraviglioso

Yes indeed. I never really thought about it either, but I think the eating something before I left was a help. I had not noticed hunger being a problem situation for me, but I do realize now- analyzing the situation with a clear head- that had I gone in overly hungry I might have ben more prone to just caving and having wine. As it was I went in feeling very even in terms of my general physiological state, I think that was a help even if Id like to chalk up my victory to sheer will....

pakman

Awesome job! I just recently had to find a way to tell some folks (golf buddies) that I'm not drinking. I obsessed over it, but it turned out to be no problem. Whoever said it earlier is correct. only alcoholics worry about saying no to drinks. (well recovering alcoholics, that is)

Great job!!

Soberwolf

I've had a similar experience and I got it out before the taxis just when I got asked how I was/hello

As for telling a lie just know not many who haven't experienced this will understand im not saying he won't I'm saying there is a chance he won't

Really pleased with ur approach and maturity don't overcomplicate it by overthinking it

Well done

Hobbers

This doesn't sound all that hard. Just order first. Order an iced tea, or a coffee, or something (besides water/in addition to water), and that both sets the tone of the lunch/meeting, and establishes to him that ordering a whole bottle of wine is probably not going to be fun for him.

Seriously, give us a tough one next time,

FeelingGreat

Now you've got though the lunch so successfully may i say how utterly envious I am about your new job?

pakman

I know. It sounds like a good gig.

ccam1973

Was going to post this same thing. Thanks Purple, now I can just say... "what Purple said".

Keep it simple. Last time I was in the same situation was with with my boss who rarely drinks and two of his partners who are heavy drinkers; about a month ago. To celebrate the day, they opened a bottle of wine and offered me some. I simply said no thanks, nothing more. I was the only one not drinking that day and I'm proud of that. I do have to say, initially I was worried about how they would react or respond.

No one dwelled on my decision, asked why, or treated me like a sober freak. lol.

Sometimes, I feel we as alcoholics think too much into explaining to others why we don't want a drink when offered one. The only thing that matters is that you aren't drinking. Stay true to you and your decision.

You can do this!! Best of luck with the meeting.

ccam1973

Man, i wrote that whole post and didn't even realize you had already made it through the lunch before I started typing!

Congratulations, well done!