Guess I am too happy
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Join Date: Apr 2014
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Guess I am too happy
AH is grasping @ reasons to contact me. I never put the boundary in place that there would be NC. First it was a text this am to ask about a bill to get paid, then realized he paid it friday.
Later he called to see if he could stop and get a few things. I was fine with that as there were things I didn't think about packing for him. It was only a few minutes as he was on his way to a meeting with his sponsor.
He and I talked a few minutes and he said that I seemed happy/cheery on the phone that I kicked him out/putting him through this. I reviewed with him that I need some time for myself to work on me and he needs time to work on him, that it really hurts that even thought I put a boundary in place that he was drinking anyways in our home when I was sleeping. That I was always stressing about whether he was drinking or not. He admitted that he had done it thurs/fri but I still wonder if it was more frequent.
He told me that if I want to end our marriage I have to let him know as he wants to set something up so he can see the kids and find a place to live. I told him that I want him to have a relationship with the kids regardless of what happens. He was upset that they were not happy to see them. I asked if he knew why and his reply is because he has been gone most of the summer with rehab and AA. True, but what I observe is that he doesn't spend time with the kids doing stuff when he is here, and that is how relationships are built! But he doesn't see it, he's too much in a fog.
It's too soon for me to decide what I want and at this point if I saw him making progress in his recovery over the next few weeks I would consider him moving back in. I need the time to figure out what I want and right now I am happy b/c it is peaceful here. I am not worrying about him.
He reiterated that he would never hurt me and the kids when he was drinking. I them proceeded to tell him what happened the last time he was drunk a few weeks ago and why I put the boundary in place. He didn't show any type of emotion.
He is so wrapped up in himself right now it is sad. I was telling him about the kids day and he wasn't even listening.
He hates where he is staying right now, which I gotta say, makes me smile, because he is not having an "easy ride." It has fleas (there is a cat) and mice and he is not used to that. He is staying in his friends house and his friend is usually @ his girlfriends.
He asked if he can come by this weekend to do his laundry if the kids and I are out or if he needs to go to a laundromat. shocker to me as he has never done his laundry while we have lived together.
Staying strong and enjoying the time to figure out what I want as I only have this one life to live.
Later he called to see if he could stop and get a few things. I was fine with that as there were things I didn't think about packing for him. It was only a few minutes as he was on his way to a meeting with his sponsor.
He and I talked a few minutes and he said that I seemed happy/cheery on the phone that I kicked him out/putting him through this. I reviewed with him that I need some time for myself to work on me and he needs time to work on him, that it really hurts that even thought I put a boundary in place that he was drinking anyways in our home when I was sleeping. That I was always stressing about whether he was drinking or not. He admitted that he had done it thurs/fri but I still wonder if it was more frequent.
He told me that if I want to end our marriage I have to let him know as he wants to set something up so he can see the kids and find a place to live. I told him that I want him to have a relationship with the kids regardless of what happens. He was upset that they were not happy to see them. I asked if he knew why and his reply is because he has been gone most of the summer with rehab and AA. True, but what I observe is that he doesn't spend time with the kids doing stuff when he is here, and that is how relationships are built! But he doesn't see it, he's too much in a fog.
It's too soon for me to decide what I want and at this point if I saw him making progress in his recovery over the next few weeks I would consider him moving back in. I need the time to figure out what I want and right now I am happy b/c it is peaceful here. I am not worrying about him.
He reiterated that he would never hurt me and the kids when he was drinking. I them proceeded to tell him what happened the last time he was drunk a few weeks ago and why I put the boundary in place. He didn't show any type of emotion.
He is so wrapped up in himself right now it is sad. I was telling him about the kids day and he wasn't even listening.
He hates where he is staying right now, which I gotta say, makes me smile, because he is not having an "easy ride." It has fleas (there is a cat) and mice and he is not used to that. He is staying in his friends house and his friend is usually @ his girlfriends.
He asked if he can come by this weekend to do his laundry if the kids and I are out or if he needs to go to a laundromat. shocker to me as he has never done his laundry while we have lived together.
Staying strong and enjoying the time to figure out what I want as I only have this one life to live.
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Sorry, KidsR#!, but I just have an amused (sarcastic) thought while reading your post....
So sad that he is having to rough it..living with a cat and some cute little mice.....
He ought to try living with a drinking, temper tantrum throwing, disengaged alcoholic for a while!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!
dandylion
You are doing great, by the way. Keep it up.
So sad that he is having to rough it..living with a cat and some cute little mice.....
He ought to try living with a drinking, temper tantrum throwing, disengaged alcoholic for a while!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!
dandylion
You are doing great, by the way. Keep it up.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by KidsR#1 
It's too soon for me to decide what I want and at this point if I saw him making progress in his recovery over the next few weeks I would consider him moving back in. I need the time to figure out what I want and right now I am happy b/c it is peaceful here. I am not worrying about him.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 256
I am thinking at least a few months. Many yrs ago (13) we were separated for about a yr. It was something he felt he needed, but is was not related to alcohol (or at least I think.) It was related to being "tied down", having to be home every night, etc. We worked through our issues and got back together. Actually when he saw that I was getting strong and living my life without him/moving on that is when he got serious about us getting back together. the bachelor life wasn't all it's cracked up to be.
I think because we got through that period that there is hope that we can work through this too, but it really is going to be based on his recovery (his actions) and mine as well.
I think because we got through that period that there is hope that we can work through this too, but it really is going to be based on his recovery (his actions) and mine as well.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 494
he said that I seemed happy/cheery on the phone that I kicked him out/putting him through this
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Location: Iowa
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He told me that if I want to end our marriage I have to let him know as he wants to set something up so he can see the kids and find a place to live.
This is a high pressure sales tactic, trying to rush you into a decision based on fear. Like a used car salesman telling you that someone else was looking at the same Pinto you wanted earlier so you have to let him know RIGHT NOW if you're buying.
He reiterated that he would never hurt me and the kids when he was drinking.
I used to hear this a lot. Usually after he terrorized me and the kids when he was drinking. The fact is, he can't make a promise like that. He doesn't have that kind of control. If he did you wouldn't be in this situation.
He is so wrapped up in himself right now it is sad. I was telling him about the kids day and he wasn't even listening.
He hates where he is staying right now, which I gotta say, makes me smile, because he is not having an "easy ride." It has fleas (there is a cat) and mice and he is not used to that. He is staying in his friends house and his friend is usually @ his girlfriends.
He asked if he can come by this weekend to do his laundry if the kids and I are out or if he needs to go to a laundromat. shocker to me as he has never done his laundry while we have lived together.
Yep, pretty typical. It's all about how this is inconveniencing HIM and is an uncomfortable situation for HIM, because the world revolves around him and his comfort. After I left my ex actually had the nerve to whine to me about having to do his own laundry and take care of the animals and blah blah blah.
Tell him to go spend his beer money on a pack of Frontline and get a roll of quarters while he's at it because the laundromat is open 24 hours.
This is a high pressure sales tactic, trying to rush you into a decision based on fear. Like a used car salesman telling you that someone else was looking at the same Pinto you wanted earlier so you have to let him know RIGHT NOW if you're buying.
He reiterated that he would never hurt me and the kids when he was drinking.
I used to hear this a lot. Usually after he terrorized me and the kids when he was drinking. The fact is, he can't make a promise like that. He doesn't have that kind of control. If he did you wouldn't be in this situation.
He is so wrapped up in himself right now it is sad. I was telling him about the kids day and he wasn't even listening.
He hates where he is staying right now, which I gotta say, makes me smile, because he is not having an "easy ride." It has fleas (there is a cat) and mice and he is not used to that. He is staying in his friends house and his friend is usually @ his girlfriends.
He asked if he can come by this weekend to do his laundry if the kids and I are out or if he needs to go to a laundromat. shocker to me as he has never done his laundry while we have lived together.
Yep, pretty typical. It's all about how this is inconveniencing HIM and is an uncomfortable situation for HIM, because the world revolves around him and his comfort. After I left my ex actually had the nerve to whine to me about having to do his own laundry and take care of the animals and blah blah blah.
Tell him to go spend his beer money on a pack of Frontline and get a roll of quarters while he's at it because the laundromat is open 24 hours.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 256
I know that he is just trying to make me feel guilty- it is what he does. His friends keep reminding me of that too. He seems to forget that because I have a houseful of kids that I care for, its good to be cheery.
Am I happy that he is miserable and squirming- yup! I have been on the receiving end for too long and am really enjoying the peace for a bit.
Tomorrow is another day and I may feel totally different.
Am I happy that he is miserable and squirming- yup! I have been on the receiving end for too long and am really enjoying the peace for a bit.
Tomorrow is another day and I may feel totally different.
. Thank you for the laugh! Hilarious
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