I ended another co-dependent relationship
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
I ended another co-dependent relationship
I have written before about troubles with my business partner. My business is coming up on one year of being open and I have been unhappy with him since two months in.
It took me a while to figure out I was dealing with an alcoholic/addict. He never came to work drunk (when he came), he never came to work high. Yet all the signs were there. Pathological lying, stealing, blame shifting, narcissism, lack of work ethic. Plus a trash can full of Red Bull daily. Constantly broke. Working weird hours with visits from questionable people that weren't there for business.
I rationalized a lot of it because he contributed financially, and I felt that at some point he would come around. We have been friends for many years and had talked about opening a business together since 2005. I feared having the whole of the business on my shoulders financially. I had gotten to where I vacillated between anger and depression all too often because of his behavior. I found out about 2 months ago that his DOC is Ecstacy, and was drinking his weight in booze nightly. So as they say ……more will be revealed.
In the meantime I had become a door mat. Cleaning up his mess and losing money daily due to his theft. It was never a lot at a time but it was constant. My business was holding steady but not growing. His participation was at the very minimum necessary to survive. Approaching him meant a blame shifting argument where i would end up questioning my own sanity. Any problem that I had with him he would immediately project back on me. If I said "I am missing a flat iron" he would counter "yes I have noticed some of my things are missing too". Then the whole conversation would never address my missing tools or retail rather his "supposed" missing things and what I needed to do to correct it.
Last weekend I caught him stealing red handed. All he did was shrug his shoulders.
Yesterday he called me a B***h and I fired his a** right then
. I own the business 100% legally. I packed his sh1t and threw it on the sidewalk while he scrambled to get it in the car. A couple of people gathered around while this was going on. I never shut up, that whole year and every sh!tty thing he has done I screamed at him while an audience looked on. He said nothing. He scurried like the rat f**k he is I wish I had video taped it.
He who laughs last laughs loudest. It went on way too long. Thank you everyone on SR were it not for you, your support, your wisdom, your experiences, I might have let this drag me to the bottom of the pool. Today I am so happy I never have to lay eyes on him again I can't even put it into words.
It took me a while to figure out I was dealing with an alcoholic/addict. He never came to work drunk (when he came), he never came to work high. Yet all the signs were there. Pathological lying, stealing, blame shifting, narcissism, lack of work ethic. Plus a trash can full of Red Bull daily. Constantly broke. Working weird hours with visits from questionable people that weren't there for business.
I rationalized a lot of it because he contributed financially, and I felt that at some point he would come around. We have been friends for many years and had talked about opening a business together since 2005. I feared having the whole of the business on my shoulders financially. I had gotten to where I vacillated between anger and depression all too often because of his behavior. I found out about 2 months ago that his DOC is Ecstacy, and was drinking his weight in booze nightly. So as they say ……more will be revealed.
In the meantime I had become a door mat. Cleaning up his mess and losing money daily due to his theft. It was never a lot at a time but it was constant. My business was holding steady but not growing. His participation was at the very minimum necessary to survive. Approaching him meant a blame shifting argument where i would end up questioning my own sanity. Any problem that I had with him he would immediately project back on me. If I said "I am missing a flat iron" he would counter "yes I have noticed some of my things are missing too". Then the whole conversation would never address my missing tools or retail rather his "supposed" missing things and what I needed to do to correct it.
Last weekend I caught him stealing red handed. All he did was shrug his shoulders.
Yesterday he called me a B***h and I fired his a** right then
. I own the business 100% legally. I packed his sh1t and threw it on the sidewalk while he scrambled to get it in the car. A couple of people gathered around while this was going on. I never shut up, that whole year and every sh!tty thing he has done I screamed at him while an audience looked on. He said nothing. He scurried like the rat f**k he is I wish I had video taped it.He who laughs last laughs loudest. It went on way too long. Thank you everyone on SR were it not for you, your support, your wisdom, your experiences, I might have let this drag me to the bottom of the pool. Today I am so happy I never have to lay eyes on him again I can't even put it into words.
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
Good for you! I'm so glad that this stressor is out of your life now. You'll see your business flourish and you'll wonder why you didn't go solo earlier. I can feel it. Enjoy your freedom and go celebrate!
(Did he steal nail polish, too? You'd be amazed what some htf OPIs and China Glazes will go for on eBay! Yes, I have a slight polish hoarding problem. Lol)
(Did he steal nail polish, too? You'd be amazed what some htf OPIs and China Glazes will go for on eBay! Yes, I have a slight polish hoarding problem. Lol)
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
I just stood up & gave you a standing freaking ovation, right here, on my back deck in South Florida.
You are SUCH an inspiration to me for what a healthy recovery looks like. WTG & CONGRATS on your freedom!!!
You are SUCH an inspiration to me for what a healthy recovery looks like. WTG & CONGRATS on your freedom!!!
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Nothing angers me more than working my butt (or in this case your butt) off and someone sucking the little bit of cream that starts to rise to the top of a new business. my good friend just opened her own salon and it took her 20 years of hard work to establish the clientele and $$.
It is difficult and expensive enough to make it work, to have him STEAL from you is awful.
I gather you are in hair/beauty and this is some expensive stuff, you want to supply your customers (that pay you) with quality.
You can replace him with someone BETTER in a heartbeat who will be glad to have a job.
If those questionable people come around, tell them he is gone and ask if they want a service, otherwise stay away.
what a scum-sucker piranha he was.
I wish you had filmed it too. but the witnesses are good to have.
congrats on being smart and strong.
It is difficult and expensive enough to make it work, to have him STEAL from you is awful.
I gather you are in hair/beauty and this is some expensive stuff, you want to supply your customers (that pay you) with quality.
You can replace him with someone BETTER in a heartbeat who will be glad to have a job.
If those questionable people come around, tell them he is gone and ask if they want a service, otherwise stay away.
what a scum-sucker piranha he was.
I wish you had filmed it too. but the witnesses are good to have.
congrats on being smart and strong.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Yes I am in the beauty industry Fandy.
I am a makeup artist and work primarily in film/tv/advertising. The purpose of opening the studio was to migrate my business to in-house work as being on the road and lugging around 80 lbs a gear is not something I see myself doing as I get older. Just ready for a change.
What has happened is my onsite business has increased, and the in studio business has expanded slowly for lack of him being there on a regular schedule, and his lack of participation on any level of building my business while I built his. So the business model as is is a waste of money for me, and really was only benefitting him (sound familiar)?
I think that may have been the most empowering thing I have ever done in my life. I don't know if it hasn't sunk in, but I am not even worried. I simply don't care. If it doesn't work out then I will move on and we will be fine. I think, though, now that the "cancer" is gone everything is going to be ok.
I am a makeup artist and work primarily in film/tv/advertising. The purpose of opening the studio was to migrate my business to in-house work as being on the road and lugging around 80 lbs a gear is not something I see myself doing as I get older. Just ready for a change.
What has happened is my onsite business has increased, and the in studio business has expanded slowly for lack of him being there on a regular schedule, and his lack of participation on any level of building my business while I built his. So the business model as is is a waste of money for me, and really was only benefitting him (sound familiar)?
I think that may have been the most empowering thing I have ever done in my life. I don't know if it hasn't sunk in, but I am not even worried. I simply don't care. If it doesn't work out then I will move on and we will be fine. I think, though, now that the "cancer" is gone everything is going to be ok.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,099
Good for you, Red! Your posts have always been helpful to me. I haven't posted much lately but always check in and read. Virtual high fives and fist bumps! Bet your business will prosper now as well as your well being! You took out the trash so to speak...no more red bull cans or rat f $# ks cluttering your life! 
would have enjoyed you tossing their SH-- that's for sure!
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
You're a badass! Good for you for standing up for yourself! I remember you writing about him and his partner and all of the drama that they were having. You've given him many, many chances to turn his crap around to no avail. Enough is enough!
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
I have got all my contacts out now looking and am advertising everywhere. I really need an established stylist with a full book. I rent the hair portion, they need to already be making money. Additionally I need people who can do special style's and so forth for onsite work.
Shoulda coulda woulda - I should have done this while he was still there, but I knew he would take all their product and tools and it would cause problems, so I never tried.
Shoulda coulda woulda - I should have done this while he was still there, but I knew he would take all their product and tools and it would cause problems, so I never tried.
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