My little brother is on life support, ot
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: OREGON
Posts: 228
My little brother is on life support, ot
My little brother is on life support. It is a long story, but, went in to get a physical for a scuba diving trip he is going on. He hasn't been scuba diving for a couple of years, but was having some issues with his ears. While there his heart rate and bp were way up so they did some testing. They found he had some clots in his lungs, and kept him over night to monitor his heart rate, and bp, following up with a specialist. They medicated him to drop those underline issues. When they released him, he returned home and the above issues dropped tremendously to really dangerous levels. They got him back into the hospital... and he bottomed out. They brought him back to life.... twice. They put him in an induced coma. They hooked him up to machines that are pumping his heart for him, and breathing for him. His heart is working at only 20% as of last I talked to my step mom. He is going on a heart transplant list. They are weaning him off of the coma to see how his body is working for now. They have had the family go say their last good byes to him.... just in case, but say there is still a chance they can save him. They had to transport him to a hospital more capable of helping him medically.
Sad right? So very sad. Here is the flip side. His dad, is also my bio dad. He didn't find me til I was 18 years old and about to graduate. I heard all of the stories... all of the excuses... yada, yada, yada. Went and spent the summer with his family the day after I graduated and then moved to Alaska where my family had moved, also the day after graduation. When I was there, my bio dad, was working all the time... I sat and watched my little sister or the summer. When he did have time off, we would go to the beach, and do family things... etc... trying to get to know that side of the family. I loved my siblings. I loved them a lot and feel blessed to have met them etc... and that I had these people in my life.
All summer long, I would hear stories from him how his mom was this and that... and how he really messed him up during childhood... on and on. When we were out and about, and when he was home, there was always beer. Always drinking. ALWAYS. I was a teen, and didn't really put two and two together. I also found a lot of porn in my brother's rooms, when we would be in there visiting, and they told me they got it from their dad.... my bio dad. They also took me to his closet and showed me a bunch of bongs, etc, and told me that he had confiscated them during busts... as he was a narcotics cop at one point of his life. I dismissed it all as weird... but dismissed it. He woke up several times during my visit and was puking... from drinking. Weird...
Upon my returning to my family home, now transplanted to Alaska, I kept in constant contact with them for quite some time. Suddenly he started to pull away from me. It was odd, and again had a feeling of what did I do wrong? I could not figure it out. When I moved back to Washington and was about to marry, his kids were a part of my wedding. He called a week before and cancelled due to me not inviting his sister to the wedding. I dealt with it. In the meantime, I married... and he had nothing to do with me, until he found out I was having a baby. Then, he called... was going to be a grandpa, yada yada yada. Sigh... I let him back in. He would not talk to me until he would call on my birthday each year, until I had enough and told him not to call if he couldn't remember me on any day other than my birthday. Fast forward til I had cancer. I had to call and get family history. Again, he was the big guy on campus... calling everyone he knew being the devoted man... blah blah blah... had people come lay hands on me to pray... I refused... we lost contact. When I moved to Oregon, I made contact so I could see my siblings. I did so several times. I always loved them. I only lived an hour or so from them... but he would never initiate coming to see me... always when I would make the trip that way. I would always initiate.
My step mom divorced him years ago. He moved and remarried... so he could be a cowboy... wth?
So here comes this crashing news on my little brother. My heart is hurting, as I love him. Yet I am p*ssed off. I am p*ssed off at bio dad. I am pissed I didn't get to know them even better. I am so hurt by knowing my little brother is laying there, and I didn't get that chance.
Since going to alanon and coming here, I realize bio dad is an addict as well. I know and recognize all of the quacking I have heard from him when he has talked with me and been in my life. I am mad that he is there.... (which he needs to be there) with my brother. He is staying with my little sister. He traveled to be there. I want to go say my good bye to my brother just in case. I want to hold his hand and just sit next to him, and cry and mourn such a young life in this situation. I want to support his wife and child. Yet, I will not go as I do not want to get caught in that relationship with bio dad. I don't want to listen to the excuses and his profession of love for me to return to the way it always ends up. I don't want drama for my sister in law, or my sister or nephew. I want peace for them. I know myself, and I will want to tell him to zip up his quacking and .... well... you get the feelings behind it. It is only about an hour or so away. I just feel bad for my brother and his family. I feel bad that we could not have been closer. He is really close to our bio dad... I am just so p*ssed, that even when I didn't understand it, alcohol has played in the demise of him being a dad to me...
Now I just sit and think of my brother... sending him prayers and peace... I can't focus on too much right now. I just needed to vent. I want to be there, yet I know it is not going to do any of us any good.
Sad right? So very sad. Here is the flip side. His dad, is also my bio dad. He didn't find me til I was 18 years old and about to graduate. I heard all of the stories... all of the excuses... yada, yada, yada. Went and spent the summer with his family the day after I graduated and then moved to Alaska where my family had moved, also the day after graduation. When I was there, my bio dad, was working all the time... I sat and watched my little sister or the summer. When he did have time off, we would go to the beach, and do family things... etc... trying to get to know that side of the family. I loved my siblings. I loved them a lot and feel blessed to have met them etc... and that I had these people in my life.
All summer long, I would hear stories from him how his mom was this and that... and how he really messed him up during childhood... on and on. When we were out and about, and when he was home, there was always beer. Always drinking. ALWAYS. I was a teen, and didn't really put two and two together. I also found a lot of porn in my brother's rooms, when we would be in there visiting, and they told me they got it from their dad.... my bio dad. They also took me to his closet and showed me a bunch of bongs, etc, and told me that he had confiscated them during busts... as he was a narcotics cop at one point of his life. I dismissed it all as weird... but dismissed it. He woke up several times during my visit and was puking... from drinking. Weird...
Upon my returning to my family home, now transplanted to Alaska, I kept in constant contact with them for quite some time. Suddenly he started to pull away from me. It was odd, and again had a feeling of what did I do wrong? I could not figure it out. When I moved back to Washington and was about to marry, his kids were a part of my wedding. He called a week before and cancelled due to me not inviting his sister to the wedding. I dealt with it. In the meantime, I married... and he had nothing to do with me, until he found out I was having a baby. Then, he called... was going to be a grandpa, yada yada yada. Sigh... I let him back in. He would not talk to me until he would call on my birthday each year, until I had enough and told him not to call if he couldn't remember me on any day other than my birthday. Fast forward til I had cancer. I had to call and get family history. Again, he was the big guy on campus... calling everyone he knew being the devoted man... blah blah blah... had people come lay hands on me to pray... I refused... we lost contact. When I moved to Oregon, I made contact so I could see my siblings. I did so several times. I always loved them. I only lived an hour or so from them... but he would never initiate coming to see me... always when I would make the trip that way. I would always initiate.
My step mom divorced him years ago. He moved and remarried... so he could be a cowboy... wth?
So here comes this crashing news on my little brother. My heart is hurting, as I love him. Yet I am p*ssed off. I am p*ssed off at bio dad. I am pissed I didn't get to know them even better. I am so hurt by knowing my little brother is laying there, and I didn't get that chance.
Since going to alanon and coming here, I realize bio dad is an addict as well. I know and recognize all of the quacking I have heard from him when he has talked with me and been in my life. I am mad that he is there.... (which he needs to be there) with my brother. He is staying with my little sister. He traveled to be there. I want to go say my good bye to my brother just in case. I want to hold his hand and just sit next to him, and cry and mourn such a young life in this situation. I want to support his wife and child. Yet, I will not go as I do not want to get caught in that relationship with bio dad. I don't want to listen to the excuses and his profession of love for me to return to the way it always ends up. I don't want drama for my sister in law, or my sister or nephew. I want peace for them. I know myself, and I will want to tell him to zip up his quacking and .... well... you get the feelings behind it. It is only about an hour or so away. I just feel bad for my brother and his family. I feel bad that we could not have been closer. He is really close to our bio dad... I am just so p*ssed, that even when I didn't understand it, alcohol has played in the demise of him being a dad to me...
Now I just sit and think of my brother... sending him prayers and peace... I can't focus on too much right now. I just needed to vent. I want to be there, yet I know it is not going to do any of us any good.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: OREGON
Posts: 228
I sit and contemplate things. I think if bio dad would have called me and told me, I would have gone. I think I could hold it together long enough to see my brother. However, he did not. I had to find out from my step mom, who is now in NC. She didn't find out from Rick's wife, she found out from my sister, not one person has reached out to her either rather than her daughter... the only reason she knows. We are on the out. She was his mom for 20 years until she left my bio dad... and now, she too is just a memory. She is gathering money etc to make the trip. She is in close contact with my sister and giving me all the updates. I know my bio doesn't want me there. He has already gotten in a p*ssing match with the EMTs during the transport of my brother to a more advanced medical facility, and I guess he is at his finest right now. For me being there, I know it will cause a lot of tension and it will make people uncomfortable. Heck, I don't even know if my brother would want me there if he was able to say his wishes. I was thinking about driving up there tomorrow morning after I get off work, at like 1 a.m., and just sitting in the parking lot, just to be as close as I can to him. My sister and his wife are taking turns sleeping there, and my bio dad as well. I just can't risk a peaceful setting for my brother and his family. I just wish it could be different.
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