Uuummm... PAWS Quackery?
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: The Bright Side of the Moon
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Uuummm... PAWS Quackery?
So, here I am feeling all relieved that my custody case is finally settled and X texts to say that he is setting up an outing for next week. I ask who the supervisor will be and he tells me, his parents.
Um, no. The plan he signed a week ago has a phase of professionally supervised visits, followed by a phase of visits supervised by his family members.
When I say, "No," and, "It seems like you didn't read the parenting plan before signing it,"he responds that he did, but that he didn't know it was only professionally supervised visits right now and, "What is the purpose of that? You'll be getting results if my weekly UAs."
Grr. Why would we have professionally supervised visits at all if they were just going to be arbitrary? Jeez.
I haven't responded yet, but this pushed my caretaker button big time. I'm proud of myself for identifying that pretty quickly. It's like I thought I need to fix this problem, because I wasn't clear enough in our parenting plan. I really do want to be fair to our son and to X.
Still, he has been like this for the whole last 10 months: Passive, passive, passive, then at the 11th hour, "Wait! I actually care! I'm trying!"
This guy was a master manipulator. He's either slipping [Honestly and sadly, I think his brain is damaged.] or I am just catching on more now that I've been away from him for so long. Maybe its both.
I guess I'll just tell him that the time for questions and clarifications has passed. I'll explain that the professionally supervised visits are so that he has a neutral 3rd party observing instead of his enablers. I would have had professionally supervised right from the start if I'd had my way.
Really, who signs a legal document that will be effective for the next 16 years without questioning every tiny detail? That comment about weekly UA reports? I've seen one monthly summary that he brought to mediation.
I'm disappointed. He was smarter than this. Sad.
Um, no. The plan he signed a week ago has a phase of professionally supervised visits, followed by a phase of visits supervised by his family members.
When I say, "No," and, "It seems like you didn't read the parenting plan before signing it,"he responds that he did, but that he didn't know it was only professionally supervised visits right now and, "What is the purpose of that? You'll be getting results if my weekly UAs."
Grr. Why would we have professionally supervised visits at all if they were just going to be arbitrary? Jeez.
I haven't responded yet, but this pushed my caretaker button big time. I'm proud of myself for identifying that pretty quickly. It's like I thought I need to fix this problem, because I wasn't clear enough in our parenting plan. I really do want to be fair to our son and to X.
Still, he has been like this for the whole last 10 months: Passive, passive, passive, then at the 11th hour, "Wait! I actually care! I'm trying!"
This guy was a master manipulator. He's either slipping [Honestly and sadly, I think his brain is damaged.] or I am just catching on more now that I've been away from him for so long. Maybe its both.
I guess I'll just tell him that the time for questions and clarifications has passed. I'll explain that the professionally supervised visits are so that he has a neutral 3rd party observing instead of his enablers. I would have had professionally supervised right from the start if I'd had my way.
Really, who signs a legal document that will be effective for the next 16 years without questioning every tiny detail? That comment about weekly UA reports? I've seen one monthly summary that he brought to mediation.
I'm disappointed. He was smarter than this. Sad.
Last edited by LightInside; 08-18-2014 at 04:46 AM. Reason: Typos
Stoic
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wash D.C.
Posts: 321
He knows exactly what the agreement says. He's testing the boundaries. If he can get you to not follow the legal agreement once, then he (thinks he) has leverage later.
You said yourself that he's a master manipulator. Believe your own gut! Don't stray from the legal document one iota...don't do him any "favors".
You said yourself that he's a master manipulator. Believe your own gut! Don't stray from the legal document one iota...don't do him any "favors".
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 873
"he responds that he did, but that he didn't know it was only professionally supervised visits right now ,
I would simply respond have your lawyer contact mine so he can explain and send him the check. This will result in future miscommunication.
I would simply respond have your lawyer contact mine so he can explain and send him the check. This will result in future miscommunication.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: The Bright Side of the Moon
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You are right that if I bend this once, he will try to use that as leverage forever. I was upset yesterday, but not anymore.
We are both pro se, but communicating with him about this is fine with me. I did have an atty that I got advice from through this process, but she never appeared for me in court or anything. There's not really anything X can do except quack (which he's great at) or take me back to court, which he has no $ for (can't even afford the visits), nor does he have the initiative/focus for that (hence the "not knowing" and quacking).
You know, I am FINALLY starting to really feel like he did me a great favor by ending our relationship. He's an abuser and that is not changing. I am FINALLY starting to FEEL (not just think) that he was completely idiotic to give up a life with me and DS so he could sleep with lots of women and make music. He made music when we were together. I never stopped him from that, but people say that he comments about that "freedom" on his Facebook. [Rolling eyes] I sure hope continuing a life of lies and chasing women is worth tearing up our family (sarcasm).
Thank you all for your support. I hope this guy is able to reverse some the damage to his brain and to be a decent father throughout the rest of our son's life.
We are both pro se, but communicating with him about this is fine with me. I did have an atty that I got advice from through this process, but she never appeared for me in court or anything. There's not really anything X can do except quack (which he's great at) or take me back to court, which he has no $ for (can't even afford the visits), nor does he have the initiative/focus for that (hence the "not knowing" and quacking).
You know, I am FINALLY starting to really feel like he did me a great favor by ending our relationship. He's an abuser and that is not changing. I am FINALLY starting to FEEL (not just think) that he was completely idiotic to give up a life with me and DS so he could sleep with lots of women and make music. He made music when we were together. I never stopped him from that, but people say that he comments about that "freedom" on his Facebook. [Rolling eyes] I sure hope continuing a life of lies and chasing women is worth tearing up our family (sarcasm).
Thank you all for your support. I hope this guy is able to reverse some the damage to his brain and to be a decent father throughout the rest of our son's life.
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