snakes

I am back having spent an anxious night feeling bad for missing my friend's father's memorial service (because it isn't a memorial service as much as getting hammered in his memory). My friends are still telling me I am a crappy friend for not going and my friend whose dad died is still not speaking to me. Honestly I was so anxious about it I am amazed I got through last night sober.

Well, I may be a bad friend. I just don't know. But all of this feels so jr. high to me. Does this part of life ever get better? Maybe I should have made something up about not being able to go rather than telling her I can't be around alcohol.

Sasha4

You are not a bad friend.
You did well to get through last night.


Between you and me I think drinking heavily to remember someone is not the right way............but thats just me.
I think that when you drink the way we do, it is probably more of an insult to someone's memory but anyway.

It is hard for people who don't drink the same way we do to understand.
I think that is just something I have learnt to accept and the longer I don't drink, the less it is a problem dealing with.


Things are probably quite raw and early on for your bereaved friend now.
In time she/he may understand when they are further along in the grief process.
If not, well I think that is a pretty poor do, and perhaps it will just be one of those things you have to put down to experience and the ups and downs of friendship.

Have you thought of writing a letter and explaining?
Perhaps not straight away but when things settle down a bit?

Could you send a gift and a letter that might be appreciated? Perhaps a framed photo of them both together?

I don't think you have to feel bad or apologise.
I understand its hard, but try not to get hung up on this and let if threaten the progress that your making now. That would be a huge, huge shame.

I wish you the best xx

HeartsAfire

Just read a post that said, "but at the end of the day me & only me is responsible for my happiness and my destiny." I think that's a brilliant way to look at life. Not always easy, but brilliant nonetheless.

Grief does strange things to people. So does alcohol. When you combine the 2?! Lord have mercy...duck & cover!!!

Just some thoughts. Take what you like & all...

PurpleKnight

Great job on pushing through last night!!

You are not a bad friend, you are thinking about your Sobriety and that is a good thing!!

Hang in there!!

1stepup

I know its a different situation but about a month ago I got a text from an old school friend asking for me to come and jam with him and another friend, hadn't seen them in a while and to be fair they've known Ive always been a heavy drinker but didn't realise the extent it had got to, I was due to go to an AA meeting that night but didn't want to let them down and 'lose their friendship' big mistake....

Cue meeting in a bar then drinking cans of beer at a flat where we drunkenly jammed, I had 9weeks sobriety at that point and that one night not wanting to be left out led on to a 2week binge then a week binge a week later which ive only just got out of on day one.

Lesson learnt, I learnt the hard way that my sobriety MUST be the most important thing in my life and must guard it like that especially in early recovery, and I need to be honest with people from the start that I just cannot and will not touch alcohol- because I have an allergy to it- that's life threatening.

Please don't feel guilty my 'friends' from high school made fun of my 'meetings' and haven't contacted me since and I left my guitar there. My 'friends' from the meetings are true friends who UNDERSTAND that sobriety is key for us to stay alive and Im happy to be back amongst them.