SoberComposer

Hi everyone,

I am on day 12 now and starting to get this odd feeling of being in uncharted territory. I have been this far about 4 times in the past but now I know I am an alcoholic (despite the label at this point.. and honestly around fellow alcoholics I will always be one.. just not sober peoples business ) and I cannot ever drink again. I think it's this understanding now that I can't try to control it after a 30 day reprieve.. that I must quit forever. I don't know, it's just weird knowing that I can't have what has been such a big part of my life for so long. I still don't want to drink because my last few months of drinking wasn't fun at all, so the fun facade isn't there. I guess it's just being scared of the unknown... maybe, how can I deal with the rest of my life with that drink. How did you get over these revalations?

FreeOwl

Time.

I know exactly the feeling you're feeling. It faded over time. Still pops up sometimes, but it's gotten so much easier.

Most days are far more about Gratitude than loss now.

Stick with it and it will lessen.

SoberComposer

Thanks Freeowl

GracieLou

I grieved for a while too. I depended on it for so long it was like losing a friend, but it is no friend.

Let the feelings come and go. Try to let them leave and not hang on to them. It gets easier and at some point you are going to feel that you can’t imagine drinking again. You won’t miss it because it has been replaced with peace and gratitude that you don’t have to live in that vicious cycle anymore.

Anna

Grieving was part of the process for me, too.

Have you read "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp? It's an amazingly brave and honest account of a young woman and her love affair with wine.

PurpleKnight

Day 12 is still early days, our emotions/thoughts need to level out and adjust after years of drinking, that's going to take some time to heal.

Hang in there!!

lilgolden73

I know exactly what you mean! It's hard for a Catholic, irish Italian girl to imagine a life without drinks! But these days it's harder to imagine a life with drinks. I'm going to my grade school festival this weekend and will be sober, a sober person at a Catholic festival, who does that? Me, that's who! I grieved the loss of my backstabbing friend alcohol but they treated me bad and had to go! Hang in there!

Dee74

You take it one day at a time

None of us lives our lives any other way...we all have to live day by day - good bad or indifferent - it's the same with recovery.

Things do work out. They may not always work out the way you might imagine at the start, but they really do always work out.

Noone would still be here in recovery if they thought they lost out on the deal at all

D

VikingGF

I cried for a full day the day before I put the bottle down for what I hope will be for good. While I knew I could not keep going the way I was, I remained unsure how I would go forward without my drinks. My many, many drinks. I actually found it comforting, once I really decided this was it, and I was done, that I never ever had to drink again. While letting go of the alcohol seemed like it would be the biggest hurdle, I didn't realize that the payoff of no longer being a SLAVE to it would outweigh any doubts I had at the very beginning. Once I figured that out, I was no longer losing anything. I was gaining everything.

SoberComposer

Thanks, it helped to read your posts. I'm ready for a new normal!