JoeShrugged

I've been given every opportunity in life to succeed. I've been blessed with intelligence, health, loving parents, and friends. But for some reason I have terrible insecurities.

I went to a prestigious private school, had many friends, and never had a problem with girls. Every time I had a girlfriends, i determined she must not be attractive. Every time I had a close friend, I would push them away, because I assumed they must not be worth it.

I went to the best university in the country. I constantly compared myself to everyone else. I broke up with a beautiful girl that I loved because I wanted to be with the "hottest girl on campus" to impress my friends. I became a military officer to prove to everyone that I'm not a piece of ****...and I suck at it. I drink almost every night and I show up hungover and I know my men know it. Some days I secretly cry in my office because I feel so terrible and sleep deprived and feel horrible for having failed them. Weirdly enough, I consistently get ranked above other officers because I know how to ******** with the higher ups. When I meet people or girls, they always comment I impressive I am, and I can't help but laugh. If only they knew.

I drink constantly and have indiscriminate sex with random people to make myself feel better. At times in my life, I used to read atleast two books a week, was incredibly fit, and thought I could take over the world. Now I just feel like **** constantly. I still go to the gym everyday, but I struggle to keep up with my old self.

I feel like I have no way out. I really love drinking more than anything in the world. I feel like if I could just get a month at a rehab center, away from everything, in an environment without alcohol, I could beat this. But I am in the military, in a foreign country, and I cant just dip out. Every day I tell myself I'm not gonna drink and sure enough I just snag a bottle of whiskey at the PX as I leave work because its so easy. And theres nothing else to do.

I'm 25 years old and I know I have nothing but nightmares ahead of me if my life continues like this. I can only keep up the act so long. Appreciate anything you guys can offer.

GotGrace

Welcome Joe. We can all relate to this. The reality is there is a way out. It takes commitment and work, but you are no stranger to those.

Stick around, read lots and post as much as you need; we are glad you here.

ScottFromWI

Welcome Joe. There is a way out, you just need to accept the problem and take action to deal with it. It's always possible to come up with an excuse as to why we cannot quit or seek help, but at the end of the day it's just an excuse. The differnce between those who get sober and those who don't is making sobriety your #1 priority.

Nonsensical

More than anything in the world you love the thing you feel like you cannot escape?

That's called addiction.

If you self-refer for level 2, 3 or 4 sustance abuse, your commanding officer has to act on it. Free rehab awaits, just say the word.

You may not need it, though. You may just need to focus on the next thing you need to accomplish - figuring out how to live a happy sober life.

Addiction doesn't give a **** about what school you went to, the hot chicks you're hanging with, or your ability to impress your boss. It wants to be fed and it sees you as nothing more than a rat in a cage tapping a lever.

Make an impression on your addiction. Starve it.

least

Welcome to the SR family. You could reach out for help. What about seeing a counselor? I see one and it's been very helpful in staying sober.

I hope you can find the support you need to break this addiction. It will only get worse if you do nothing.

maverickspoint

I respect your honesty. It is hard to be that honest about yourself and it probably feels good for you write it down. The advice I give here is the hard line but it is also the right thing to do, you need to face reality and get yourself discharged from the military on the grounds you are an addict. Yes there is an issue of pride here but in many ways I think giving up your pride would be a major step to recovery for you. You openly admit that you have followed a certain path through bravado and insecurities, in a sense you have lived much of your life for the appreciation of others. Forget that now. It is your life. You are not happy living this life so what does it matter? Who cares if people find out, talk behind your back, look down on you, forget them. What is important here? You! If you don't change your life now you will continue to be unhappy at the expense of an image others look upon with admiration. You know what, people really don't care as much as you think, if anything people would be happy to know you did what was right for your well being and health. I am sure there are many people that care about you and would rather see you unemployed on the path to recovery and health than an alcoholic officer on the verge of total self destruction. You only live one life mate, live it for you and no one else. You have everything going for you so quit, start again and do something that makes you truly happy. There is no shame in being honest with yourself or others. Good luck.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Joe!!