Staying strong...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 256
Staying strong...
Ugh. Is the day over yet? Ah came home, obviously been drinking. He asked me if I wanted him to leave. I calmly told him that I could not have a repeat of last nights events (that he doesn't even remember!) and that the choice was his- If he could not drink anymore tonight that he could stay but if he would rather drink that he needed to leave because I would not put the kids through what happened last night again.
He started in on his usual drunk stuff- you don't care, I hate so and so and on and on while I was making dinner. (actually mashed meat in my hands which probably helped me keep it together.) I told him that I do care and he knows that and I also told him what I thought he should do about the people he has resentment for. I was silent for alot of his "quacking." Finally I told him that I knew he was just trying to get me upset and that wasn't going to work! He then started teasing the kids, and I told him to stop and they were exhausted as well.
He was carrying his drink around the house and refused to put it down. I also noticed it was a little fuller than it was when he first got home. I followed him into the bed room and reminded him about what I told him. I asked if I could have a drink of his bottle. He was very hesitant and admitted there was vodka in the drink. I told him that it then meant that he needed to leave as he was choosing that over staying there for the night. He said OK and after a bit he finally left. I also wanted him to leave at that point as I knew if he stayed what the rest of the night would hold for the kids and I and it would not be peaceful!
He then called a few hrs later to say he was 2 hrs away @ the casino! He told me he would be home in a few hrs! Um, WHAT!!!!! I reminded him of the conversation we had before he left. Said he didn't remember. Told him that he needed to find a place to stay for the night as he should not be driving (which he agreed.) He was shocked again that I was saying that he can't come home. Called later and said he would be leaving in 3 hrs and home in the morning. I told him that he is not to come home unless he is totally sober! Again he was shocked! I repeated this statement several times during our conversation. Pretty sure I will have to say it again tomorrow!
Luckily we had a friend at the same casino for the weekend and she actually saw him there but didn't speak to him. His family and I were worried that he was still driving who knows where! She saw the security guard speak to him so she went up to them and talked to them about knowing AH and that he's been drinking. They reassured her that they have his eye on him and he will not be driving anywhere tonight and they will get him a room (unless he gets belligerent which in that case they then call the cops.) So the ball in his court and I will go to bed knowing that he is not driving anywhere for tonight and wait to see what tomorrow holds!
Ironic that yesterday a.m. I prayed for a clear sign that he was drinking again as I just wasn't sure. I guess I got my sign!
Sorry for the long post- find it therapeutic to write what has happened. I have also learned that I am much stronger than I thought I was and SR has been a godsend!
He started in on his usual drunk stuff- you don't care, I hate so and so and on and on while I was making dinner. (actually mashed meat in my hands which probably helped me keep it together.) I told him that I do care and he knows that and I also told him what I thought he should do about the people he has resentment for. I was silent for alot of his "quacking." Finally I told him that I knew he was just trying to get me upset and that wasn't going to work! He then started teasing the kids, and I told him to stop and they were exhausted as well.
He was carrying his drink around the house and refused to put it down. I also noticed it was a little fuller than it was when he first got home. I followed him into the bed room and reminded him about what I told him. I asked if I could have a drink of his bottle. He was very hesitant and admitted there was vodka in the drink. I told him that it then meant that he needed to leave as he was choosing that over staying there for the night. He said OK and after a bit he finally left. I also wanted him to leave at that point as I knew if he stayed what the rest of the night would hold for the kids and I and it would not be peaceful!
He then called a few hrs later to say he was 2 hrs away @ the casino! He told me he would be home in a few hrs! Um, WHAT!!!!! I reminded him of the conversation we had before he left. Said he didn't remember. Told him that he needed to find a place to stay for the night as he should not be driving (which he agreed.) He was shocked again that I was saying that he can't come home. Called later and said he would be leaving in 3 hrs and home in the morning. I told him that he is not to come home unless he is totally sober! Again he was shocked! I repeated this statement several times during our conversation. Pretty sure I will have to say it again tomorrow!
Luckily we had a friend at the same casino for the weekend and she actually saw him there but didn't speak to him. His family and I were worried that he was still driving who knows where! She saw the security guard speak to him so she went up to them and talked to them about knowing AH and that he's been drinking. They reassured her that they have his eye on him and he will not be driving anywhere tonight and they will get him a room (unless he gets belligerent which in that case they then call the cops.) So the ball in his court and I will go to bed knowing that he is not driving anywhere for tonight and wait to see what tomorrow holds!
Ironic that yesterday a.m. I prayed for a clear sign that he was drinking again as I just wasn't sure. I guess I got my sign!
Sorry for the long post- find it therapeutic to write what has happened. I have also learned that I am much stronger than I thought I was and SR has been a godsend!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 256
He came home in the middle of the night while we were sound asleep 
Never heard him til I woke this morning. seemed sober and was willing for me to take a swig of of drink to make sure there was no alcohol in it. Not sure what is in store for today, but glad his close friends and family will be back in town. He called some last night and if knows they are going to want to talk to him today and he is dreading that.
Planning to get the kids out of the house for most of today because even when he's tired, he can be a grump.
For me I have a meeting with a group of ladies today. I know that sometimes his family doesn't agree that during the middle of his downward spiral I shouldn't go to these meetings, but they are helping me focus on something else for just a few hrs and that helps more than I can say!
Never heard him til I woke this morning. seemed sober and was willing for me to take a swig of of drink to make sure there was no alcohol in it. Not sure what is in store for today, but glad his close friends and family will be back in town. He called some last night and if knows they are going to want to talk to him today and he is dreading that. Planning to get the kids out of the house for most of today because even when he's tired, he can be a grump.
For me I have a meeting with a group of ladies today. I know that sometimes his family doesn't agree that during the middle of his downward spiral I shouldn't go to these meetings, but they are helping me focus on something else for just a few hrs and that helps more than I can say!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
His family doesn't live there and deal with this. You do. It's none of their business. He will spiral, down whether you are there or not. If his family thinks he needs a babysitter let him move in with them, see how they like it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: My mind wanders a lot, but I try to stay in the present.
Posts: 1,007
My heart goes out to you Kids, it sounds like his family is adding to the stress instead of making it better.
Tie a cute little bow on him and drop him off at their doorstep. It sounds like you could use some peace around you house. I'm actually serious. Is there any way he could stay with them for a while?
Tie a cute little bow on him and drop him off at their doorstep. It sounds like you could use some peace around you house. I'm actually serious. Is there any way he could stay with them for a while?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 256
Oh they do support me 100%! While I have been educating myself the last 4 months on what to do, they have just started to learn about the disease. When he was @ rehab they all saw a video for families/friends to attend about the disease. I have given them some literature and suggested talking with parents locally that have been through this with adult children. It is just hard for them. The initial reaction is they want to save him (or shake him as my MIL says) , but are learning they can't and that I need to put the kids first. my MIL and I are very close 
She is the one I called the other night when things got bad and I felt I needed to be on the phone with someone. They are fine with whatever boundaries I put in place and grateful that I have stuck with it
She is the one I called the other night when things got bad and I felt I needed to be on the phone with someone. They are fine with whatever boundaries I put in place and grateful that I have stuck with it
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,784
During a spiral is exactly when you should be reaching out for help, like additional meetings. They obviously lack education on addiction & codependency. You don't know anybody any explanations for doing what is right for you and your kids. If they don't like it they can get their own therapist to discuss it with. 
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: My mind wanders a lot, but I try to stay in the present.
Posts: 1,007
Originally Posted by KidsR#1 
Oh they do support me 100%! While I have been educating myself the last 4 months on what to do, they have just started to learn about the disease. When he was @ rehab they all saw a video for families/friends to attend about the disease. I have given them some literature and suggested talking with parents locally that have been through this with adult children. It is just hard for them. The initial reaction is they want to save him (or shake him as my MIL says) , but are learning they can't and that I need to put the kids first. my MIL and I are very close She is the one I called the other night when things got bad and I felt I needed to be on the phone with someone. They are fine with whatever boundaries I put in place and grateful that I have stuck with it
She is the one I called the other night when things got bad and I felt I needed to be on the phone with someone. They are fine with whatever boundaries I put in place and grateful that I have stuck with itAs you move forward, you may find that you need your support, just like they may need theirs. That's not to say that you won't be an amazing amount of support to each other. It's just that you're both coming at this from different angles and, quite honestly, may need some opportunities to safely complain, or work through issues, about each other. My daughter and I both go to Alanon, but rarely at the same time for this very reason. It's worked out very well. Keep in mind, this is a family disease, and can sometimes be insidious in how it affect the whole family, and how they relate to one another.
That's sort of a long way of saying you still need to go to that meeting.
(((((( hugs ))))))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 256
Guess I should clarify, not Alanon meetings- The groups I volunteer with in our community. They make me feel stronger just being with them, their companionship and focusing on doing good for others. I used to do alot more, but when AH started drinking more it was suggested I needed to be home more. Now I know that is exactly what I should not have done b/c it is something I do for me.
I do need to get to alanon meetings, but the one in my area is not convienent. I have been online to some.
I do need to get to alanon meetings, but the one in my area is not convienent. I have been online to some.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,784
If it helps you, it helps your recovery, IMO. I don't do Al Anon meetings, so for me 'extra meetings' would be more yoga, reiki sessions, more SR time, etc. Your recovery is your own, you gotta go with what works!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: My mind wanders a lot, but I try to stay in the present.
Posts: 1,007
I thought maybe it was something other than Alanon, but it still makes you feel better in a healthy way. So it's still important. We're more than just this disease. right?
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
