WendyOR

Today I found out that my nephew is taking a substance called synthetic marijuana. I did a lot of research on it. Also known as spice. I was talking to my mom about it. He had lived with her for a couple of years... she is the one that told me. She made a couple of comments in which I knew were not good thinking. I told her to study up on the codie of addicts. I sent her a couple of links and told her to join a site with like minded people etc for support. She is getting older and didn't think she would go to a support group. She asked me for the link here as she knows what is going on in my life and although I have been talking on here the last couple of days and opening up, I have read so much on here. I don't want to give her this link!!!!! I know that is so very messed up as it is a huge asset and blessing to me. My issue is that I feel safe here. My name really is Wendy and really I do live in Oregon. Even with a different name, she would be able to peg me in a minute. I know it is selfish... but I want this place to be my recovery. I do meetings with alanon when I can but I work nights except have two days off.... I feel like I need to find another site for her to go to. I don't want to clam up and not be honest and truthful here, which is a part of my codie issue. I also worry about hurting her feelings. I need to find another site for her.

Mags1

Hi Wendy I understand you, I wouldn't want anyone to recognise me as I too am most frank about my life.

I haven't got any answers for you though, I'm sure someone will be along with some answers or suggestions.

jarp

Oh I feel for you. I also wouldnt want to give this site away - I am more truthful here than anywhere else in my life and I would want to keep it that way, I'd start to censor if I knew people knew about me being here.

I'm so sorry, I dont know what the answer is, but I can definitely empathise.

Are there any other sites like SR that you could direct her to?

I'd suggest being honest with her and saying that it is a safe place for you to be where you can feel free without having to consider the feelings of others that you care about very much - but I know my Mum would go bananas if I said to her.

CodeJob

My RAH just figured out this site is where I am on my iPad more than not. My story has enough details that yes he could figure it out. In your case Wendy, if you removed your state location (which I guess you could do?) it might help? I almost wonder if her being here for her own situation that she would not recognize your truths here? At least for awhile?

I have some passing concerns about it in my own case...

happybeingme

There are a million other places for her to go. Don't lose your support just so she has some. Do a bit of research instead and find her a handful to chose from. Asking for this site is like asking if she can join your al-anon group.
You aren't being selfish. This is your place

chicory

There are online Al-anon meetings too, Wendy, if she cannot find one near her.
I don't blame you, as I would feel the same. At least you can share some of your learned information which may help her.

best wishes for your nephew. If your Mom could find a coda meeting I hear they are great.. for substance abuse families, I believe.

readerbaby71

I would feel the same way. Find some other links for her, and if you still feel exposed, change your username and don't put a location in your profile. I gave the link to this site to a friend of mine whose husband is an alcoholic, but I'd tell her most of what I say here. My other family or friends or BF? No way. Hugs to you.

ladyscribbler

I've given this site link to strangers, newcomers at Alanon meetings, especially the ones who are younger and closer to my age, but I would NEVER give it to my mom. Ugh. No way. I don't blame you at all.

lillamy

You can also ask the Powers That Be to change your username. That way, it would be harder to find you...

RollTide

Take care of YOU! Don't give her your safe place!

WendyOR

She would know it was me under any user name. I promise. I used to blog, an we each have our own writing style. She would peg me in a heartbeat. Plus my story is a part of her story... she would know. I am going to find her somewhere else. A part of me is like, why do I have to find her anything, she is better at the computer than I am, but yet, I will find it as I try to be a kind and helpful person. Thanks for letting me know I am not the only one that would feel uncomfortable.

hopeful4

Wendy, it's totally normal to want your own safe place!! There is a lot of support out there for her, especially if she is computer literate!

Glad you are here and sorry you are going through this!

WendyOR

I called her and gave her a link to a different site. I don't even know if she will go. I tried to talk to her about my nephew, and codependency and she said she didn't want to talk about it right now. It is too painful. My mom has heart issues, and I didn't want to push the issue and wanted to respect her boundaries. So, I hope it keeps her steered away from here.

KidsR#1

How would someone go about changing their user name?

Thumper

Contact a moderator or admin. At the bottom right hand corner of your screen there will be a list of that mods/admins that are on-line.

ETA - you have to be on the forum page (not the thread page) to see that. Back up out of this thread to get that info.

CodeJob

Yes I write and my style really sticks out here almost as much as my life details.

Thumper

I totally understand.

I do not share this site with real life people. Nope.