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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: West Palm Beach
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HI. I am a mother of a 20 y/o addict who recently I found out has been using since the age of 14, He is the youngest of 3 (3 children in 3 years) February 2014 he came home from living basically on the streets of California to our home in Florida, and asked for help. He agreed to be Baker acted to get clean and after that enter a program and lived at a halfway house. See like all of you, my Son had been stealing from us and everyone else, had been arrested, we paid for the attorney fees which put us in the whole, went to jail, and I just couldn't have him living home because I am the caretaker of my 1 year old Grandson.
Anyways, 90 days clean, came to our house for dinner every Sunday night, enrolled for summer classes at local college, We gave him our car (now I have nothing to drive) we pay his insurance, we paid for his 1,000 dollar traffic violations, but he never took the check to DMV. paid for his food, bought him clothes, and of course this was expected of us. My children grew up in the Narcissistic era. Everyone kept saying don't get your hopes ups, typically addicts relapse, and I said NO He is really serious about this, I think he's good now. After that he relapsed and did heroine (New to his combo of opiates).
I cant' get past it, he doesn't talk to us because i fought with him over the fact he wanted us to pay his back rent at the halfway house and I said "You relapsed, did Heroine, and now you want me to pay your rent?" Maybe I was wrong for getting angry, but years of entitlement mad this beautiful child, a spoiled grown child. The doctors said his brain stopped developing when he was 14 and started his drug abuse. Everyone was always envious of our family, I had been and still am married to a great guy, we went on yearly vacations, lived in a gated community. Didn't matter. I was blind, blame myself as I have read is common. His birthday is next week, that's what lead me to this site, I didn't know what to get him for his 21st B'day that he couldn't resell, return, etc. I read a lot of nice ideas, Birthday party, books, journals, Heath care for a year was one I could consider, but I don't know the price. When he did reply to my many PM of Facebook, he said he didn't want anything since we (Me and my Husband) feel we have given him everything anyways, and it wasn't said in a sincere matter, it was sarcastic, trust me. Beside nothing is good enough, the car wasn't good enough, the food buying wasn't good enough, the clothes buying wasn't good enough the attorneys fees being paid wasn't good enough, the traffic violations being paid weren't good enough, paying his first tuition which he never attended wasn't good enough, buying him his iPhone wasn't good enough, paying his phone bill want good enough, Do I come across angry? Damn right I am, but at the same time tears are running down my face because I love this monster with all my heart, and just want to make it right, but I cant. I even got a tattoo on my forearm that says "Let It Go" I can't... Lifes a bitch. And that about covers it Probably said more than expected,, Sorry
Anyways, 90 days clean, came to our house for dinner every Sunday night, enrolled for summer classes at local college, We gave him our car (now I have nothing to drive) we pay his insurance, we paid for his 1,000 dollar traffic violations, but he never took the check to DMV. paid for his food, bought him clothes, and of course this was expected of us. My children grew up in the Narcissistic era. Everyone kept saying don't get your hopes ups, typically addicts relapse, and I said NO He is really serious about this, I think he's good now. After that he relapsed and did heroine (New to his combo of opiates).
I cant' get past it, he doesn't talk to us because i fought with him over the fact he wanted us to pay his back rent at the halfway house and I said "You relapsed, did Heroine, and now you want me to pay your rent?" Maybe I was wrong for getting angry, but years of entitlement mad this beautiful child, a spoiled grown child. The doctors said his brain stopped developing when he was 14 and started his drug abuse. Everyone was always envious of our family, I had been and still am married to a great guy, we went on yearly vacations, lived in a gated community. Didn't matter. I was blind, blame myself as I have read is common. His birthday is next week, that's what lead me to this site, I didn't know what to get him for his 21st B'day that he couldn't resell, return, etc. I read a lot of nice ideas, Birthday party, books, journals, Heath care for a year was one I could consider, but I don't know the price. When he did reply to my many PM of Facebook, he said he didn't want anything since we (Me and my Husband) feel we have given him everything anyways, and it wasn't said in a sincere matter, it was sarcastic, trust me. Beside nothing is good enough, the car wasn't good enough, the food buying wasn't good enough, the clothes buying wasn't good enough the attorneys fees being paid wasn't good enough, the traffic violations being paid weren't good enough, paying his first tuition which he never attended wasn't good enough, buying him his iPhone wasn't good enough, paying his phone bill want good enough, Do I come across angry? Damn right I am, but at the same time tears are running down my face because I love this monster with all my heart, and just want to make it right, but I cant. I even got a tattoo on my forearm that says "Let It Go" I can't... Lifes a bitch. And that about covers it Probably said more than expected,, Sorry
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: West Palm Beach
Posts: 3
Thank you all for replying so quickly,, It makes me feel that people care.. As far as Al-Anon, I don't know if it's what I went to, but it was a bunch of moms talking about their husbands mostly, It was really hard for me to keep my mouth shut because of my personality, but I did. When I spoke of my issue, everyone said thanks for sharing, and that was it, doughnuts and coffee and of you go.. I guess I need to find one that deals with parents with children, not to make excuses, but I also don't have a car, and I watch my grandson. How do I go about finding a meeting close to me, and deals more with children? And Bimini, believe it or not, I don't think I've been there unless it was a cruise stop..LoL.. I'm 51 and went to Cardinal Newman HS My Dad worked in the kitchen to pay my tuition. P.S. I have no family left for support, My 24 y/o daughter doesn't want to hear it, and my 23 y/o Son sides with his brother. I am on antidepressants, anti anxiety, and my husband says I'm no better than my son, but if I don't take these drugs, I will kill myself, don't report me to the police on that,, they will take me away..Lol... Thank you everyone, maybe I have to give this Al-Anon another chance, and Bimini if I don't get him something what will he think of me? will he relapse because he has a ****** Mom? OMG my makeup is going to smear again from tears!
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum!! 
You'll find loads of support here on SR, it's important to get support for yourself looking in on your son's addiction!!
As mentioned we have a Friends and Family section which is worth checking out also!!
You'll find loads of support here on SR, it's important to get support for yourself looking in on your son's addiction!!
As mentioned we have a Friends and Family section which is worth checking out also!!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Detaching from his problems is the best thing you can do to find some peace in your own life.
You are not powerful enough to either make him relapse or to make him stop. This is his problem.
You really need some support for yourself. ALAnon and NarAnon are good places for that. They aren't there to solve your problems for you. They are there for you to speak your truth and then solve your own issues. You have some. You may not see that now, but you do. We all do - and anyone who believes they have any control over the actions of an addict could use the help to sort out their disordered thinking. Kids are usually welcome at Open meetings. Try several different meetings, they are each a little different depending on the group.
If you can't get to ALAnon, try some family counseling (without the addict) or at the very least, some personal counseling for yourself. It will help.
You are not powerful enough to either make him relapse or to make him stop. This is his problem.
You really need some support for yourself. ALAnon and NarAnon are good places for that. They aren't there to solve your problems for you. They are there for you to speak your truth and then solve your own issues. You have some. You may not see that now, but you do. We all do - and anyone who believes they have any control over the actions of an addict could use the help to sort out their disordered thinking. Kids are usually welcome at Open meetings. Try several different meetings, they are each a little different depending on the group.
If you can't get to ALAnon, try some family counseling (without the addict) or at the very least, some personal counseling for yourself. It will help.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: West Palm Beach
Posts: 3
Your words mean a lot, and I will continue to look for support on the forums.
Bimini...I'm printing out your first 2 lines, and keeping them in my pocket..Just tell me that is really true, and not something said to make us (me) feel better.. and I have to find a NarAnon for me and my husband.. sincere thanks, will keep you posted..
Bimini...I'm printing out your first 2 lines, and keeping them in my pocket..Just tell me that is really true, and not something said to make us (me) feel better.. and I have to find a NarAnon for me and my husband.. sincere thanks, will keep you posted..
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