1000neverenuf

Everything is slipping away. I want to sell my home because I am in debt and the only way out is to sell my home. And move back east to take care of my parents. I have always loved the west coast but I cannot get away from my connections here. I've tried NA, CA, AA, treatment centres (twice) and I always end up on the phone to the dealer.

Part of my brain says the only way I can accomplish this is to use more drugs in order to function. I don't want to use, it's a habit that's ingrained deeply (ten years) and I'm too old to be putting toxins in my body every single day, increasing my debt and losing respect from friends - can't hold a job, can't even keep a commitment to friends, let alone myself.

Should I move? Should I sell? Is this the right decision? Advice, please.

Dee74

I don't think anyone can really tell you what to do, 1000neverenuf.

If you're in debt and you want to move back east to look after your folks those are fine reasons.

I will say tho I don't think to move or not move is the real problem here.

The idea that you need drugs to function is a lie - but if you've reached the stage where that is plausible then it's not going to be easy for you, no matter where you are.

What are you going to do to change your life when you get back east?

Could you use some of the proceeds to go to rehab for a while and get yourself together?

D

Meraviglioso

A fresh start might be just the thing you need, but as Dee said, this is a decision only you can make. Constantly calling your dealer is a temptation that would be a good idea to distance yourself from. However, let's be honest, you could find a new dealer on the east coast and be back in the same situation.
Right now the only thing I CAN say with certainty is that using will not help this situation in any way, shape or form. You may get a short window of relief from thinking about it, but oh the price you will pay- you will find yourself worse off than before. More in debt from the money you spent for your drugs, your brain more fogged up and unable to evaluate your options for your debt and parents, more anxiety as you come down and more depressed because you used again.
Sometimes things get just so overwhelming. Debt to the point of having to sell your home is nothing to scoff at, but really, some days you just have to say "not today, I'm going back to bed and will think about this tomorrow" sleeping the whole day away is always better than using drugs or alcohol to escape the stress.

1000neverenuf

I am overwhelmed, and scared and no one knows how bad things are. Most of my friends have given up on me, because treatment didn't work. I will say that when I go back east it's the only time I get a bunch of clean time - not recovery, but clean time. That's a start. I have to leave where I am or nothing will improve. Day after day after day, progressively worse. Thank you both for answering my post so quick.

Dee74

Soundds like you've made your choice then 1000

I would encourage you to look at all your recovery options tho - even the ones you've tried before...we grow we change and we want different things at different points in our life...things that might not have worked before may work this time, if you have the willingness to stay clean and sober?

D

Meraviglioso

Give the treatments another try. Sometimes it is not that the treatment doesn't work but that the personal desire isn't there deep in your heart. You can do it, you can. I am only on day 3, but I really do look at it as a success that I made it this far. The thing that has helped me the most is the one day at a time motto. I really only think about getting through today. Thinking beyond that is too much. Certainly you have to think of your future in terms of your house and your move, but as for your sobriety, try to break it donw into smaller chunks of time. Think "I won't use (or call my dealer)" for the next hour. Then when you have gotten there, go for another hour. Or use smaller chunks of time if you need to. Even minutes. It is SO WORTH IT.

Nonsensical

A move and a fresh environment might help you get a new perspective, but I would caution against looking at it as the cure. Wherever you go the drugs and the drug addict will be there. They have to be dealt with.

Best of Luck on Your Journey. Rootin' for ya!

thatcat

Canadian here too... out east. ..... I think sometimes a fresh start can be great. If you do decide to sell and move, maybe have a plan in place for when you get home ... research things available at home - meetings, recovery options here, doctors, therapy options. Capital Health has lots of great programs and you can see a psychiatrist (all at no cost). Even if you don't move, getting a new plan together there and stepping into it can feel like a fresh start.

Best wishes!

Anna

A fresh start can help, for sure. But, you'd still need to do a lot of work I think, to be able to get sober and recover. But, moving could be useful.