Mother using my past against me
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Cleveland
Posts: 40
Mother using my past against me
Okay, here it goes. I have done nothing but help my Mom since my Dad died. I have been nothing but a good boy over the past couple weeks. I have done alot of things wrong in the past. My Mom thinks she can still use this stuff against me. I am homeless right now staying in her house. Yesterday night, I found a Pump action shotgun next to the kitchen, after I specifically told her the guy living in her house had a gun. She told me, "No, he doesn't." She straight up lied to me, then threatened to kick me out of the house. She said your snooping around the house and trying to take things. She told me to mind my own business and severly scolded me. However, I didn't deserve this. I simply observed that there was a firearm by the door. I did however pick up some drinks Monday night. I feel super stressed out now like I'm going to be kicked out to the streets. I get a Social Security check for around $7,000 dollars because I was in the hospital so long. I plan on moving out & going to a DJ school either in New York or Chicago. The problem is, since she told me all this stuff about kicking me out. I feel super stressed out. I'm sick of her talking to me any way she wants to, and I have to take it and kiss her ass basically because I ****** up in the past. I have and am making up for these mistakes, and am not given any leeway. I hate to say this, but she's a hater, and haters are gonna hate I guess. I did nothing wrong to her last night, but maybe she's still peeved because I was drinking Monday night.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
It can be difficult living with parents, but the reality is it's your mum's house so she gets to make the rules.
Also not drinking for only 1 day usually doesn't tick the box of real change in most people's eyes, people need months/years of action to really be convinced that someone has changed.
The best way forward to win her over would be to keep your head down, focus on Sobreity and everything else will work itself out in time!!
Also not drinking for only 1 day usually doesn't tick the box of real change in most people's eyes, people need months/years of action to really be convinced that someone has changed.
The best way forward to win her over would be to keep your head down, focus on Sobreity and everything else will work itself out in time!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
Okay, here goes
You're staying in her house. If you don't like what she is saying to you, it's your prerogative to go and live someplace else. If you're going to stay, try to respect her rules, it's her house and she's doing you a solid by letting you stay there. If you're an adult she has no obligation to provide you with food, housing or clothes anymore, and you're probably cramping her style with her new boyfriend something fierce. Put yourself in her shoes for a moment.
Just because it's the past doesn't mean everyone has to give you a blank slate whenever you want. You did what you did and people have every right to "hold it against you" for as long as they like. It's your job to convince others that your past doesn't define you anymore, not their obligation to take your word for it.
(I hope I don't sound unsympathetic, as I am really exercising quite a bit of restraint)
You're staying in her house. If you don't like what she is saying to you, it's your prerogative to go and live someplace else. If you're going to stay, try to respect her rules, it's her house and she's doing you a solid by letting you stay there. If you're an adult she has no obligation to provide you with food, housing or clothes anymore, and you're probably cramping her style with her new boyfriend something fierce. Put yourself in her shoes for a moment.
Just because it's the past doesn't mean everyone has to give you a blank slate whenever you want. You did what you did and people have every right to "hold it against you" for as long as they like. It's your job to convince others that your past doesn't define you anymore, not their obligation to take your word for it.
(I hope I don't sound unsympathetic, as I am really exercising quite a bit of restraint)
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Are you looking to quit drinking? I see you've been a member here for over 2 years-maybe she is fed up with you drinking and the consequences. As others have said, her house her rules. I know when I lived at home my father was really strict but that was just the way it was. couldn't change him or blame him but I left as soon as possible 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 106
Originally Posted by Notmyrealname 
Okay, here goes
You're staying in her house. If you don't like what she is saying to you, it's your prerogative to go and live someplace else. If you're going to stay, try to respect her rules, it's her house and she's doing you a solid by letting you stay there. If you're an adult she has no obligation to provide you with food, housing or clothes anymore, and you're probably cramping her style with her new boyfriend something fierce. Put yourself in her shoes for a moment.
Just because it's the past doesn't mean everyone has to give you a blank slate whenever you want. You did what you did and people have every right to "hold it against you" for as long as they like. It's your job to convince others that your past doesn't define you anymore, not their obligation to take your word for it.
(I hope I don't sound unsympathetic, as I am really exercising quite a bit of restraint)
You're staying in her house. If you don't like what she is saying to you, it's your prerogative to go and live someplace else. If you're going to stay, try to respect her rules, it's her house and she's doing you a solid by letting you stay there. If you're an adult she has no obligation to provide you with food, housing or clothes anymore, and you're probably cramping her style with her new boyfriend something fierce. Put yourself in her shoes for a moment.
Just because it's the past doesn't mean everyone has to give you a blank slate whenever you want. You did what you did and people have every right to "hold it against you" for as long as they like. It's your job to convince others that your past doesn't define you anymore, not their obligation to take your word for it.
(I hope I don't sound unsympathetic, as I am really exercising quite a bit of restraint)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,431
I know I didn't get over my mom's drinking and relapsing easily.
It caused me personally a great deal of harm, so I wasn't about to just
keep giving her do-overs and trust.
When I became an alcoholic, my husband felt exactly the same thing about me.
Kept expecting me to do what I did drinking, brought it up often, and so on.
Only months and years of sobriety have cured that.
Seems to be how it works. People are hurt over and over, they don't just get over it.
Maybe that's how she feels.
Best thing you can do is be sober, be polite in her home,
and the F*&% out of there ASAP
Good luck with DJ school--but I must add that being a DJ may not be the
best choice of occupation for an alcoholic. Lots of alcohol in clubs.
What's your plan to deal with that?
It caused me personally a great deal of harm, so I wasn't about to just
keep giving her do-overs and trust.
When I became an alcoholic, my husband felt exactly the same thing about me.
Kept expecting me to do what I did drinking, brought it up often, and so on.
Only months and years of sobriety have cured that.
Seems to be how it works. People are hurt over and over, they don't just get over it.
Maybe that's how she feels.
Best thing you can do is be sober, be polite in her home,
and the F*&% out of there ASAP
Good luck with DJ school--but I must add that being a DJ may not be the
best choice of occupation for an alcoholic. Lots of alcohol in clubs.
What's your plan to deal with that?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: in the city by the bay
Posts: 605
Briefly went back and read some of your past posts and I don't usually do that but there were a lot of holes in understanding your post. What I see are a lot of addiction problems and a toxic home. Schizophrenia is not a mild personality disorder, it is a severe mental illness. I know, I grew up with a schizophrenic sister. You need to really understand about grandiose plans. 7k won't get you far in Chicago or NY. DJ school, becoming a DJ and etc probably won't find security for you. This idea that once I do this...this will happen. Well, you need to be ready and prepared for things not panning out how you imagine them in your mind.
I would love for everyone to follow their dreams like the Disney films all perpetuate but the reality is this: you come from a broken, dysfunctional home and you have a severe mental illness. To be realistic about things would be the best thing for you.
You live in Cleveland. Surely, there must be a club you could work at, or somewhere for you to follow your passion of becoming a DJ...but have some backup plans. Please.
You can see if there are any internships at local radio stations. If there are, they will probably be unpaid. You will probably need a regular job to support yourself.
Plus, you are 26-27? See, people cut you slack when you are in your 20s. You will be 30 before you know it and people will view you differently, expect more initiative and responsibility. Maybe wonder why you don't have more experience as a DJ.
I think most working DJs would tell you they never went anyplace to study, they just learned by working in some club.
And I do agree with the above poster that clubs are where there are plenty of drugs and alcohol. Not the best place to get clean and sober.
Ok, don't mean to sound harsh and I wish you luck but please, look into local options for DJ school. You know Cleveland and I know you don't get along with your mom but it's better than living on the streets. You need to get solidly on your feet before attempting to move to a new, bigger city.
I would love for everyone to follow their dreams like the Disney films all perpetuate but the reality is this: you come from a broken, dysfunctional home and you have a severe mental illness. To be realistic about things would be the best thing for you.
You live in Cleveland. Surely, there must be a club you could work at, or somewhere for you to follow your passion of becoming a DJ...but have some backup plans. Please.
You can see if there are any internships at local radio stations. If there are, they will probably be unpaid. You will probably need a regular job to support yourself.
Plus, you are 26-27? See, people cut you slack when you are in your 20s. You will be 30 before you know it and people will view you differently, expect more initiative and responsibility. Maybe wonder why you don't have more experience as a DJ.
I think most working DJs would tell you they never went anyplace to study, they just learned by working in some club.
And I do agree with the above poster that clubs are where there are plenty of drugs and alcohol. Not the best place to get clean and sober.
Ok, don't mean to sound harsh and I wish you luck but please, look into local options for DJ school. You know Cleveland and I know you don't get along with your mom but it's better than living on the streets. You need to get solidly on your feet before attempting to move to a new, bigger city.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: long island ny
Posts: 64
as a mom of a substance abuser, i can only speak from what i know. after years of lying , stealing and scamming it would be very hard for me to ever trust my son again. it is actions that only would speak to me. you said you went out drinking, that would be cause for your moms reactions. she is repsonding to the behavior that she knows from you and it will take time to show her otherwise. i do live in ny and you mentioned you're looking to do a dj thing here. unemplyment is high, and that environment is not going to aid in your recovery. alcohol and mollies are very prevalent- i know this because that is where my son sold his drugs and spiraled out of control. please think carefully about this move, this big city can do great damage to a person without support of any kind, 7,000 does not get you far here. what happens if the dj thing doesn't pan out and you go through the money? what is your plan?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Originally Posted by soberjuly
Briefly went back and read some of your past posts and I don't usually do that but there were a lot of holes in understanding your post. What I see are a lot of addiction problems and a toxic home. Schizophrenia is not a mild personality disorder, it is a severe mental illness. I know, I grew up with a schizophrenic sister. You need to really understand about grandiose plans. 7k won't get you far in Chicago or NY. DJ school, becoming a DJ and etc probably won't find security for you. This idea that once I do this...this will happen. Well, you need to be ready and prepared for things not panning out how you imagine them in your mind.
I would love for everyone to follow their dreams like the Disney films all perpetuate but the reality is this: you come from a broken, dysfunctional home and you have a severe mental illness. To be realistic about things would be the best thing for you.
You live in Cleveland. Surely, there must be a club you could work at, or somewhere for you to follow your passion of becoming a DJ...but have some backup plans. Please.
You can see if there are any internships at local radio stations. If there are, they will probably be unpaid. You will probably need a regular job to support yourself.
Plus, you are 26-27? See, people cut you slack when you are in your 20s. You will be 30 before you know it and people will view you differently, expect more initiative and responsibility. Maybe wonder why you don't have more experience as a DJ.
I think most working DJs would tell you they never went anyplace to study, they just learned by working in some club.
And I do agree with the above poster that clubs are where there are plenty of drugs and alcohol. Not the best place to get clean and sober.
Ok, don't mean to sound harsh and I wish you luck but please, look into local options for DJ school. You know Cleveland and I know you don't get along with your mom but it's better than living on the streets. You need to get solidly on your feet before attempting to move to a new, bigger city.
I would love for everyone to follow their dreams like the Disney films all perpetuate but the reality is this: you come from a broken, dysfunctional home and you have a severe mental illness. To be realistic about things would be the best thing for you.
You live in Cleveland. Surely, there must be a club you could work at, or somewhere for you to follow your passion of becoming a DJ...but have some backup plans. Please.
You can see if there are any internships at local radio stations. If there are, they will probably be unpaid. You will probably need a regular job to support yourself.
Plus, you are 26-27? See, people cut you slack when you are in your 20s. You will be 30 before you know it and people will view you differently, expect more initiative and responsibility. Maybe wonder why you don't have more experience as a DJ.
I think most working DJs would tell you they never went anyplace to study, they just learned by working in some club.
And I do agree with the above poster that clubs are where there are plenty of drugs and alcohol. Not the best place to get clean and sober.
Ok, don't mean to sound harsh and I wish you luck but please, look into local options for DJ school. You know Cleveland and I know you don't get along with your mom but it's better than living on the streets. You need to get solidly on your feet before attempting to move to a new, bigger city.
Don't get me wrong, life is difficult at best most of the time. If I were you, I would sincerely take advantage of your mother's support and prove to her you are on the right track. There is nothing nice about being on the street and that much tougher to get yourself together.
Plenty of times I had to live in my vehicle or camp when I was your age due to life's circumstances. I always found a paying job and rarely had to ask for my parents help. When I did, I played by their rules (at 41, I still play by their rules when I ask for their help).
Best of luck to you!
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