Nowsthetime

Long story short: went out for hubby's bday and had a great time. On our way home I rode with another friend who kept telling me "how's it possible you are not drinking? You are not an alcoholic! The fact that you could just quit on your first try shows that you are not.". I reiterated that I am. That I have been arrested, hurt, missed out on things because I was drunk, etc.

Ok, so: I am angry! It's none of his business, he should be happy for me but instead he kept telling me that he is the same way. I wanted to tell him that perhaps he needs to quit too but I didn't I don't want it to turn into a contentious relationship. I am just frustrated. I want some support and credit for what I am doing. Does he need me to relapse to get that I am an alchy? I refuse!

Thanks for letting me vent.

FeelingGreat

Well if you're an alcoholic, what does that make your friends who drink as much as you used to? They tend to get threatened, although some of my friends were inspired to cut down too.

The say that a doctor's patient has a drinking problem if they drink more than the doctor.

suki44883

It sounds like he's afraid to lose his drinking buddy.

Maybe you should distance yourself from him, at least for a while.

HockeyGuy

The bottom line is, if you feel you're an alcoholic, then you are. It's not a label someone would apply to themselves lightly. I would say that nobody in my life truly understands how much of an alcohol problem I have, because I think one of the instincts of alcoholics is to be dishonest and try and display an outward perception that we don't really have a problem. In my case, I was honest with myself (eventually.. better late than never) and I am secure in my assessment that I am 100% an alcohol addict, regardless of what other people think. I wouldn't be frustrated with it if I were you.. some people just aren't willing to be honest with themselves about this kind of things.. if he accepts that you are an alcoholic then maybe he would be forced to look in the mirror.

Clementina

Consider the source. In my case, the source was an active alcoholic who has no desire to stop or moderate his drinking. I was the mirror that threatened his denial.

He tried to tell me that because Ive taken breaks (up to 4-6 weeks sober), that I've "proven" I am not an alcoholic. He then tried to tell me that my real problem was my antidepressants. Wtf?!?! THIS is the support I got from one of my loved ones. And yes, he has seen my ugliest of relapses.

This person, I suspect, sees his former drinking buddy evolving into a higher existence, and doesn't want to face that. Misery loves company, and self-inflicted misery avoids mirrors at all costs.

You are at a higher level of self-awareness, and progressing more each day. Upwards and onwards!

least

Pay no attention to your friend. It's likely that your abstinence shines a light on his drinking that he'd prefer not to look at.

Clementina

Janis

I went through something similar and the reasons ranged from the fact that they can't understand what my relationship to alcohol feels like or it was holding up a mirror to their own addiction or issues. Silly thing is I listened, initially, about maybe not really having a problem. Well a couple nasty relapses later which included drinking when waking up, while driving, on lunch and living a complete nightmare and I realized that only I could know that I'm an alcoholic and boy am I ever. I don't suggest going the same route as I did but I just wanted to let you know that I can relate and that was my story.

Overall, what I took away from these experiences is to be happy with what I have done because I've realized through lost friendships and strains on other relationships that no matter what anyone says about my drinking they cannot take away all the work I've put into myself and the progress that I've made.

Best of luck!

Mountainmanbob

you might suggest to this friend to read the AA Big Book
he apparently has no understanding of what it is to be alcoholic

may also explain to him that he may be in danger ??

MM

Lostinhk

I doubt your friend meant any harm, it may have been his way of saying something supportive, but in the end all you can do is reiterate the reasons you don't drink and if they're a true friend they'll understand.

Anna

This is a time to focus on what you know to be true.