can't go home
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: in the city by the bay
Posts: 605
can't go home
Because I wanted to drink. No booze in the house but I was near it (I mean to buy).
I was fine until I went to have a prescription filled. I have post-traumatic ADHD from a traumatic brain injury I incurred as a teen (hit by a truck on the first day of school). I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD until about 2 months ago. I have cognitive problems that fit ADHD except I wasn't hyperactive, but there is an "inattentive" type, and I have that type. The meds make me function close to how I was before my accident. When you have frontal lobe damage your organizational skills go out the window along with the much needed social filters. The meds wake up those areas (on me).
I went from hiding from/avoiding people because I seemed to always say the wrong thing/do the wrong thing and had extreme difficulty getting things done to actually being able to hold a conversation and I am slowly organizing the mess that was my home. It always looked clean but not if you looked in closets and in drawers.
Been having the script filled at Walgreens but saw the doctor on Wednesday and told him I quit drinking and the meds feel stronger. So he lessened the dose and prescribed me some booster pills to take on an as-needed basis.
Walgreens didn't have the second meds. They said it would take about a week. I went to CVS, another chain pharmacy. They said they didn't have the 2nd med but they wouldn't fill it anyhow because the signature was not the doctor's signature. The pharmacy tech said it in a rude tone of voice as if I had forged it.
I said it is the doctor's signature, I saw him sign it. She said, no it isn't, we have software and it can tell and that isn't the doctor's signature. I said are you implying I signed it? And she said in a very snide voice, no but the doctor didn't.
A woman behind me said "just have the doctor fax it in". The pharmacy tech said "he can't because it's a narcotic". She said "narcotic" in a loud, clear, moral high ground voice. She had caught the bad guy - me. I was obviously some sort of junkie forging scripts to get the good drugs, the ADHD meds. I was thinking, in my head, thanks for announcing that to everyone around.
I felt so embarrassed. I said okay I will just go back to Walgreens. As I was leaving, the manager, who saw none of what happened, gave me a smile and said how are you? And I said actually not good, I told him what happened and he gave me a coupon for $10. I called my husband, I said I can't go home. I want to buy a bottle of wine and go home and drink. I had my 4 yr old with me.
I went back to Walgreens, dropped off the prescription. I drove for a bit, parked at the side of the road and cried because I have no coping skills. The past was - get stressed = drink and repeat. Then I went to Costco and after took my daughter to Burger King where I sit now.
People were buying their Costco-sized huge bottles of vodka and rum and etc. When you quit drinking it feels like everyone drinks. Anyhow got lots of fruits and veggies at Costco and skin care items like facial cleanser. Who knew? I looked at it in utter disbelief...wait, I don't wash my face, I just pass out.
Ok I am home now. It's late. Happy I have this forum to vent.
I was fine until I went to have a prescription filled. I have post-traumatic ADHD from a traumatic brain injury I incurred as a teen (hit by a truck on the first day of school). I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD until about 2 months ago. I have cognitive problems that fit ADHD except I wasn't hyperactive, but there is an "inattentive" type, and I have that type. The meds make me function close to how I was before my accident. When you have frontal lobe damage your organizational skills go out the window along with the much needed social filters. The meds wake up those areas (on me).
I went from hiding from/avoiding people because I seemed to always say the wrong thing/do the wrong thing and had extreme difficulty getting things done to actually being able to hold a conversation and I am slowly organizing the mess that was my home. It always looked clean but not if you looked in closets and in drawers.
Been having the script filled at Walgreens but saw the doctor on Wednesday and told him I quit drinking and the meds feel stronger. So he lessened the dose and prescribed me some booster pills to take on an as-needed basis.
Walgreens didn't have the second meds. They said it would take about a week. I went to CVS, another chain pharmacy. They said they didn't have the 2nd med but they wouldn't fill it anyhow because the signature was not the doctor's signature. The pharmacy tech said it in a rude tone of voice as if I had forged it.
I said it is the doctor's signature, I saw him sign it. She said, no it isn't, we have software and it can tell and that isn't the doctor's signature. I said are you implying I signed it? And she said in a very snide voice, no but the doctor didn't.
A woman behind me said "just have the doctor fax it in". The pharmacy tech said "he can't because it's a narcotic". She said "narcotic" in a loud, clear, moral high ground voice. She had caught the bad guy - me. I was obviously some sort of junkie forging scripts to get the good drugs, the ADHD meds. I was thinking, in my head, thanks for announcing that to everyone around.
I felt so embarrassed. I said okay I will just go back to Walgreens. As I was leaving, the manager, who saw none of what happened, gave me a smile and said how are you? And I said actually not good, I told him what happened and he gave me a coupon for $10. I called my husband, I said I can't go home. I want to buy a bottle of wine and go home and drink. I had my 4 yr old with me.
I went back to Walgreens, dropped off the prescription. I drove for a bit, parked at the side of the road and cried because I have no coping skills. The past was - get stressed = drink and repeat. Then I went to Costco and after took my daughter to Burger King where I sit now.
People were buying their Costco-sized huge bottles of vodka and rum and etc. When you quit drinking it feels like everyone drinks. Anyhow got lots of fruits and veggies at Costco and skin care items like facial cleanser. Who knew? I looked at it in utter disbelief...wait, I don't wash my face, I just pass out.
Ok I am home now. It's late. Happy I have this forum to vent.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Welcome home soberjuly 
You are not alone in this.
Sobriety or your pharmacy experience. You did not do what you usually would have done!! Way to stay sober. This is huge.
Tomorrow is a new day.
You are not alone in this.
Sobriety or your pharmacy experience. You did not do what you usually would have done!! Way to stay sober. This is huge.Tomorrow is a new day.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by soberjuly 
I drove for a bit, parked at the side of the road and cried because I have no coping skills.
You drove for a bit, parked at the side of the road and cried. There are folks without a drinking problem who likely would have done that same damn thing. You ALSO asserted yourself to the manager...AFTER being mistreated. Again...awesome. You got a $10 coupon and you had a cry that probably relieved some toxins : )
I think you did amazing! A-may-ZING!
Realising my life
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
Originally Posted by Nuudawn
I disagree. Guess what you just did? You coped. You endured a very difficult situation where you felt judged, denied, doubted, embarrassed, shamed, singled out...I'm sure there are a couple more I'm missing here.
You drove for a bit, parked at the side of the road and cried. There are folks without a drinking problem who likely would have done that same damn thing. You ALSO asserted yourself to the manager...AFTER being mistreated. Again...awesome. You got a $10 coupon and you had a cry that probably relieved some toxins : )
I think you did amazing! A-may-ZING!
You drove for a bit, parked at the side of the road and cried. There are folks without a drinking problem who likely would have done that same damn thing. You ALSO asserted yourself to the manager...AFTER being mistreated. Again...awesome. You got a $10 coupon and you had a cry that probably relieved some toxins : )
I think you did amazing! A-may-ZING!
So proud for you
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Excellent words NuuDawn! I feel like having a good cry myself.
soberjuly - check out aasharon's Thread, Neferkamichael's (12:58am Sat. July 26th post) great flower for the today and listen to the video! Love it...it's 'Amazing'. Hugs.
Nefer's great flowers
soberjuly - check out aasharon's Thread, Neferkamichael's (12:58am Sat. July 26th post) great flower for the today and listen to the video! Love it...it's 'Amazing'. Hugs.
Nefer's great flowers
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
I'm really sorry for your crappy afternmoon.
but...I was going to say the same - you got through it. You coped!
You choose a new direction.
That's huge, and it's a win - way to go, soberjuly
D
but...I was going to say the same - you got through it. You coped!
You choose a new direction.
That's huge, and it's a win - way to go, soberjuly
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Earth
Posts: 164
SoberJuly you did great!!! Congrats on getting through that and NOT drinking Recovery is so hard because it requires us to come up with a whole new set of coping skills-- which is exactly what you are doing!!!
If it helps, what you just went through is NOT your fault and is NOTHING to do with you! Sad to say, it's because people abuse those meds that everyone, even people who take them as prescribed and for medically necessary purposes, get put through the wringer by pharmacists who deal with drug seeking behavior such as doctor shopping every day. The main difference between the people the pharmacists are trying to target, and people who choose alcohol as their poison, is the law.
Can you imagine what it would be like if everyone had to go through a pharmacist for a controlled amount of booze?!?! Buying alcohol would be a nightmare for everyone, and the pharmacists would be total a**holes!
Recovery is so hard because it requires us to come up with a whole new set of coping skills-- which is exactly what you are doing!!! If it helps, what you just went through is NOT your fault and is NOTHING to do with you! Sad to say, it's because people abuse those meds that everyone, even people who take them as prescribed and for medically necessary purposes, get put through the wringer by pharmacists who deal with drug seeking behavior such as doctor shopping every day. The main difference between the people the pharmacists are trying to target, and people who choose alcohol as their poison, is the law.
Can you imagine what it would be like if everyone had to go through a pharmacist for a controlled amount of booze?!?! Buying alcohol would be a nightmare for everyone, and the pharmacists would be total a**holes!
Last edited by Clementina; 07-26-2014 at 08:43 AM. Reason: grammar and clarity
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: in the city by the bay
Posts: 605
Thanks for all the nice and warm comments. I actually felt so embarrassed by the entire incident, I purposely didn't look at this thread again after posting what I wrote, until this morning. The words of support feel great! And what Nuudawn said, about how I actually did cope was eye-opening to me. I guess I did pull through it! I didn't think of it that way at all.
My main med is not popular with drug abusers. It is called Vyvanse and it is a slow-acting time-released Dexedrine. Not matter what a drug abuser does, they can't break the time-release so they can't get the high they are after.
However, the boosters he prescribed, the 2nd med that both pharmacies didn't have, is Dexedrine and that is a popular choice amongst drug users I guess. He prescribed me 10mg pills to take as needed if the Vyvanse has worn off by 5pm.
I actually, and I think this sounds awful, but I am not sure if I could have quit alcohol without the meds because I was constantly overwhelmed by life before. I take the meds and suddenly I can function. I am not wired, I am just functioning like other people. There are connections that will never be made naturally in my brain because of the brain damage I incurred. The meds just fire up the connections. I've also read that people with ADHD have a higher rate of alcoholism than the general public probably a result of being overwhelmed and the fact that our social filters are faulty. The meds have given me a new release on life.
Don't know if anyone is going to peruse this now old thread, but just wanted to say, what a great place this is.
My main med is not popular with drug abusers. It is called Vyvanse and it is a slow-acting time-released Dexedrine. Not matter what a drug abuser does, they can't break the time-release so they can't get the high they are after.
However, the boosters he prescribed, the 2nd med that both pharmacies didn't have, is Dexedrine and that is a popular choice amongst drug users I guess. He prescribed me 10mg pills to take as needed if the Vyvanse has worn off by 5pm.
I actually, and I think this sounds awful, but I am not sure if I could have quit alcohol without the meds because I was constantly overwhelmed by life before. I take the meds and suddenly I can function. I am not wired, I am just functioning like other people. There are connections that will never be made naturally in my brain because of the brain damage I incurred. The meds just fire up the connections. I've also read that people with ADHD have a higher rate of alcoholism than the general public probably a result of being overwhelmed and the fact that our social filters are faulty. The meds have given me a new release on life.
Don't know if anyone is going to peruse this now old thread, but just wanted to say, what a great place this is.
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