quitforme79

Hi all! So I have 20 months sober , am immersed in AA and still think about drinking A LOT. I know that I am powerless. That I cannot drink safely. But I still miss it and fantasize about it. After all the hell it brought me, I continue to romance it now and again on an all too regular basis. I love my sober life but I am tired of thinking about it so much. Any suggestions? Thoughts? Experience? Hope? Thanks

PS I am not planning on picking up a drink...I just want the obsesssive thoughts to go away. If they stay with me for years how will I be able to avoid it forever? That's the fear...

LadyinBC

Well you are not the only one who thinks sometimes I do too. I would lying if I said I didn't miss it.

I don't really have any solution I try not to think about the "future" or "forever". I just get thru it one day at a time. Or I will find something to do to get my mind off it if the thoughts are getting really bad.

I good thing is, I don't have to act on these thoughts or cravings.

I have to say though, it is easier now than when I first quit. I probably haven't helped any, just know that you aren't alone in this. Believe me I understand.

OpioPhobe

Quitforme79 - As far as managing obsessive thoughts I have found that it is important to recognize what is under my conscious control and what isn't. What I choose to focus my attention on and how intently I focus that attention are really the only things that I feel in 'control' of. Fantasizing about using is absolutely under my conscious control, and I choose not do go there. It was easier once I realized that I was fantasizing about something that was no longer obtainable - i.e. I was fantasizing about what it was like to use the first time or during the 'honeymoon period'. I used to think that those fantasies were harmless because I could just do my using vicariously through them. The simple point of choosing not to indulge in fantasizing about it made a huge difference for me. It had a tremendous impact on reducing cravings.

If the thought of using just randomly pops into my head I start distracting myself. With those random thoughts I have found it important not to get mad at myself about them or it will cause anxiety and prolong it. I also think it is important not to fear the thoughts. It just seems like a waste of time / energy for me to spend on thinking about something that I am not going to act on. The closest way I can describe the process for dealing with random thoughts is that it is the same sensation that I have when meditating and the normal, inner dialogue in my mind quiets down.

BarbieKen

Hi,
I too am 20 months sober. Absolutely a drinking memory will hit me out of no where....I just know in my heart that I have tools now. First one, just acknowledge. For example, this weekend my family went to our Mexican restaurant. Been there lots of times since becoming sober. However, BAM, boy that margarita sure looked good at that persons table!
I just say the feelings out loud to my family (hubby & son..both sober too). I don't pretend, I have to express it. On a cruise in March, I was hit by those pretty drinks with an umbrella . Damn, life goes on doesn't it? I guess I'm just saying acknowledge and remove the shame or whatever is the negative feeling. Progress, not perfection.
Bobbi

Dee74

Hi Quit

those thoughts stayed with me a while too...but the more I built a sober life I was happy with, the less I wanted to escape it.

Eventually the thoughts faded and died.

If there's anything about your life you want to escape from then maybe its time to look at that?

do you feel stressed? or bored?
do you still feel 'not normal'? do you feel you're missing out on stuff?
do you resent the fact you can't drink?

If you can identify the things that make you dissatisfied and romancing the drink then maybe you can start to work on solutions that don't involve alcohol?

Give yourself some credit here too Quit- you may have thoughts but you stay sober - that's huge

D

Nuudawn

My friend...you know I love ya. 20 months...wow. Since drinking is so fresh in my wake...I am unable to understand the attraction or romance. I swear to God. I think back to even the "couple glasses" of wine I may have enjoyed at the end of the day. Believe me, there was nothing romantic or wonderful about them. When I see it in my mind's eye now..I almost see some little chain link from the stem of the glass..to my wrist. When I see that glass of wine...I see my obsession...my slavery to it. Sorry..I dunno if that's making any sense.

There is no romance....just a chain...like the ones wrapped around the feet of a slave. Perhaps now in your sobriety it looks like life with a glass of wine or martini in hands...looks larger or more colourful or urban or dramatic....
Oh good gosh no. It is mundane and small and narrow...so very, very narrow.

But here you are obsessing bout that slavery anyway. So yes, what is it...what are those "drinks" representative to you? What is missing...

Notimetoloose

Congratulations on 20 months, so awesome...
I wish that I could offer something, some little bit of advice that could stop the obsession.
I mean, I really wish I could because I am in the same frame of mind as you....I don't have 20 months, I have almost 9 months...
I keep searching through SR looking for something to snap me out of it...I don't think I am in danger of drinking. I feel like it's just drinking and yet I don't want the effects, the hangover, the actual drink, I don't want but I want something, something familiar like drinking....this probably sounds strange...it is hard to articulate...I need this obsession thingy to stop....every time it flashes through my mind that I would like a drink, I quickly shut the AV down. However it is exhausting....you are not alone!

Nuudawn

Hey buddy...perhaps the thinking of drinking is actually indicative of something that could and perhaps should be addressed otherwise. I have "codependently" fretting and obsessing over your recovery since you posted (wee joke...not really)... so Google came up with the following. Perhaps you need to treat the thinking rather than the drinking. Know what I mean?

Obsessive Thinking Unhealthy worry is part of a broader problem called obsessive thinking. Obsessive thinking is an inability to gain control over recurrent, distressing thoughts, images. These thoughts and images are embedded in a complex network of feelings, sensations, and at times, behavioral rituals and routines. Brain imaging studies indicate that obsessive thinking is associated with a neurological dysfunction of unknown cause that forces thoughts into repetitive loops. Obsessive thinking is like a hamster wheel in your brain, with a parade of different animals entering and exiting over time.

Rumination Obsessive worry is focused on future outcomes. Rumination, another form of obsessive thinking, is the uncontrollable preoccupation with the past. Rumination is experienced as guilt, regret and anger, over perceived mistakes, losses, slights, actions taken or not taken, opportunities forever lost, with irreversible, catastrophic results. Rumination is accompanied by condemning, all-or-none criticism, and the overwhelming belief that if things had been different then existing and future misery could be avoided.

The Damage Done Obsessive thinking intensifies and prolongs distressing emotions. For example, worry reinforces anxious feelings – you literally scare yourself – which, in turn, only leads to more worry. The process can extend into anxious periods lasting hours, days or weeks, at times “spiraling” into panic attacks and emotional “spikes” of anger, guilt and shame. Obsessive thinking limits effective problem solving, and promotes procrastination, avoidance and withdrawal, only resulting in further problems. Obsessive thinking plays a prominent role mood disorders, including dysthymia, major depression, bipolar disorder, and is the defining symptom of Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Panic Disorder, and many other psychological conditions.

Attempts to Control Obsessive Thinking “Stopping” the Thoughts Obsessive thinking is difficult if not impossible to control. If you are prone to obsessive brain patterns, you’ve likely tried forcing the unwanted thoughts out of your mind. Despite its intuitive appeal, evidence shows that this strategy rarely works. In fact, research shows that attempts to “force away” obsessive thoughts may only intensify obsessive thinking.

Rituals Temporarily “Soothing”, “neutralizing” cognitive-behavioral routines often develop as natural attempt to control onslaught obsessive thinking. Research shows that such routines, or “rituals”, only serve to reinforce obsessive thinking.

Cognitive Behavior Therapy Understanding the Problem Cognitive-behavior therapy begins with the scientific understanding of obsessive thinking. The goal is to dispel misconceptions that may fuel the problem, and to equip you with the knowledge, to begin your recovery. Rather than frustrating you with the unrealistic goal of stopping the thoughts, cognitive-behavior therapy helps by weakening the connection between obsessive thinking and the rest of your waking life. In other words, faced with the reality that there is no on/off switch, CBT turns down the volume. The strategies are designed to minimize engagement in the obsessive process, reducing attention to its useless content, cutting off its fuel supply, and reducing the intensity and urgency of its call, while working to developing new, more effective sources of emotional reward. Cognitive Restructuring To step back from emotional thinking, engage a wise mind, that is at once informed by your feelings, and grounded by a healthy appreciation of objective observation and reason.

Acceptance-Mindfulness: An emotionally grounding starting point, is the emotionally sober determination of which elements of the problem can be effectively changed, and which are fixed and enduring enough to repel the best attempts at change. To change, requires courage, and emotional fortitude, to persist in practicing new ways of thinking and behaving, and to accept, that is, to adjust to immovable challenges, requires the same courage, fortitude, and persistent practice. Mindfulness is the experiential practice of acceptance – exercising the mental muscles needed to engage effective cognitive-affective-behavioral routines persistently over time.

Attention Shifting: This strategy simultaneously encourages the application of a balanced, reasonable alternative thought, and the practice of “letting go” of obsessive content. Rather than attempting to “stop” the obsessive process, it works by shifting your attention to a predetermined thought and/or action. For example, the statement “these are just thoughts, they are not helping but are only hurting me”, or “I don’t know what will happen in my future, but the probability of _________ [fill in the blank] occurring is slim”, followed by three deep breaths and return to the task at hand.

Relaxation: Practice exercises to let go, both physically, in your body, and emotionally, in your mind.

Repeated Exposure: Exposure for panic attacks, phobias and OCD is the most reliable treatment in the behavioral health field. It is used to “desensitize” (habituate) the person to feared, distressing situations, thoughts, feelings and sensations. Exposure is a “paradoxical” approach, where you go against instinct by “facing” (opening up to, accepting, surrendering to) the object or irrational distress.

Behavioral Activation: The ultimate goal of treating obsessive thoughts is to “get out of your head” and into your life. Behavioral activation is focused on just that – setting specific goals to engage in meaningful, healthy behaviors, as opportunities to practice attention shifting and application of other cognitive behavioral techniques.

quitforme79

Thank you so much ALL OF YOU!! This was a huge help to me. It really is great to know I am not alone...I feel scared about this some time. Like I know people are there for me but I fear no one will ever stay. HOLY abandonment issues haha I think Dee and Nuudawn are really onto something. It may be time to take closer look at what's really going on. I am avoiding or scared of something and I don't know exactly what. Dee it's great to see you back You too nuudawn. We gotta keep kicking this thing on a daily basis. All of us Love you guys and gals!

Nuudawn I totally do a lot of that obsessive thinking. I am dx with GAD so it makes sense. Thank you for finding this! xoxo