needing support
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 3
needing support
Hi Everyone, Just needing some support. I got clean/sober for the first time 10 years ago, I was 22. I stayed clean for 6 years. Rarely ever thought about using, believed it was behind me forever. I started out in NA, but felt sad after leaving meeting. I felt like it was nothing but war stories, and no solution. I started going to AA and got highly involved with the, "Big Book thumpers". I followed what was in the the book, but never felt like I had a spiritual exp. I didn't feel the way I perceived other people were feeling. The month of my 6 year anniversary, I was diagnosed with Leukemia (AML). I was at the time on break from nursing school. There was pain, alot of pain in my throat, I could barely swallow my own saliva. I ended up being in the hospital the first time for 41 days. In them days I was happily accepting any narcotic they offered. Dilaudid and Ativan around the clock through my IV. I remember the day I came home, no hair, 30 lbs lighter, and with a not so good prognosis. My family all surrounding me, willing to do anything for me, and of course worried sick. What was I thinking?? Where am I going to get pills from? This continued for about another year. I received a Bone Marrow Transplant, my sister was a 100% match. It has been 4 years since diagnosis. I've had small relapses with tramadol and adderall. I would tell myself, no big deal its not oxy or Percocet. I recently put together a year and a half. Started my nursing career. Then I started taking phentermine 2 months ago, a week ago I started xanax. I want to stop, but need support. I have friends in both NA and AA. Two that are aware of my current situation. But I have to be honest I have no desire to go back to either fellowship. At some point I've just become so ashamed of being an addict. I was not always this way. I know I am 100% addict, but I try to hide it. Thanks for listening
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and welcome. This disease can change our healthy thinking process in a heartbeat or over a period of time. Most of us to regain sobriety have to do things we don’t want to, usually it’s the disease dictating to our minds which look like the softest easiest way.
At your point I needed to remind myself that I cannot drink in safety and if I do my life will become very unmanageable.
It’s hard to scare an alcoholic but thing of what happens to your nursing license if your discovered doing drugs.
Hang in there as sobriety is a far better path.
BE WELL
At your point I needed to remind myself that I cannot drink in safety and if I do my life will become very unmanageable.
It’s hard to scare an alcoholic but thing of what happens to your nursing license if your discovered doing drugs.
Hang in there as sobriety is a far better path.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,325
I'm not a big fellowship person, but I bet there is no reason to feel shame. I feel certain they would welcome you back. It worked for you before, it can work again. Dangerous road you are on especially with your career choice. Come on....give sobriety another go. Praying for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 3
thank you everyone for the quick response. I'm coming down on the phentermine. The xanax I've only been taking for one week. My dog has horrible anxiety with thunderstorms and fireworks so the vet prescribed her 40 two mg xanax with 3 refills!! She is 20 lbs! I have to flush the current prescription and call the pharmacy and have them discontinue the refills. It's the action of actually doing it thats the problem.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,785
Welcome LL. 
You've come to a very friendly and supportive place. I hope the support here can help you beat your addiction for good. 
Your vet prescribed 2 mg Xanax for a twenty lb dog?? I weigh 110 and only take half a mg! Is your vet sure of what s/he is doing??
You've come to a very friendly and supportive place. I hope the support here can help you beat your addiction for good. Your vet prescribed 2 mg Xanax for a twenty lb dog?? I weigh 110 and only take half a mg! Is your vet sure of what s/he is doing??
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 3
Least, I NEVER take my dog to the vet. The one time I took her I left with a bag full of prescriptions. I've tried everything natural before going this route. I figured I'd walk out with maybe five 0.5 xanax to last me the rest of the summer. I was shocked when I seen what he wrote for. He was a total douche. Although the most I gave her was 1 mg and it didn't seem to effect her much. I thought she would be knocked out.
Anyway, I just flushed all but 2 mg. I'm going to use the 2mg to wean down, although I'm not sure its necessary after only one week. I was going to have my Mom hold some for the dog, but I know I won't be comfortable with them in the house. My mom is easily manipulated. I'm guessing I should call the pharmacy and tell them to discontinue the refills
Anyway, I just flushed all but 2 mg. I'm going to use the 2mg to wean down, although I'm not sure its necessary after only one week. I was going to have my Mom hold some for the dog, but I know I won't be comfortable with them in the house. My mom is easily manipulated. I'm guessing I should call the pharmacy and tell them to discontinue the refills
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