Lucidity9

I will try to make this as short as I can, for I've been talking about it very often, writing in my journal a ridiculous amount, about it. Almost a week ago, the stress of everything got the best of me and I completely broke down, bawling like a baby, saying how much I wanted to die, how worthless I was or felt. Truly, I don't remember it too clearly. But the day after, for the sake of myself, for the sake of my relationship, I decided to go to the hospital, at the advice of my fiance and our good friend. I stayed overnight at the mental health unit before I was taken to the mental health ward of another hospital. Being under lock and key, being made to talk about it with not just doctors but people, now people I consider friends, made me focus on the big picture. Death is not what I want. Heroin addiction is not what I want. It is so incredibly not worth it. For 3 nights and 4 days I stayed, and finally, after what felt like weeks, getting out was beautiful. The appreciation I have for my life, those around me, has gone up incredibly. Now I want to be sober, I want to go out, I want to explore and laugh and be okay, be happy, without dope being my first choice.
I know not relapsing will be hard. I know some nights will be hard and some days will be rocky. But I'm not willing to suffer and let others around me suffer as much over heroin. You cannot live a good life using, no matter how little, and no matter how much I want to convince myself that. Today marks five days without dope and I write it down, day five dope free, in my journal. It feels good. This is scary but I am not nearly as afraid and for the first in a long time I am proud of myself.
I know things will get better.

Mrrryah1

Glad you are hear. Stay strong. You can do this! Do you have a plan? Meetings or anything like that?

Lucidity9

Mrrryah1 I'm going to continue seeing my therapist and attend NA. If I feel like I am down again, I will go to an outpatient treatment. Thank you! I am glad you are here.

Dee74

Glad to hear from you again Lucidity
Sounds like you have the right attitude

D

PurpleKnight

You can do this!!

Weasel1966

Welcome to SR lucidity!!!

This is an awesome place and you will find much support and very caring people here.

Stay strong!

I am also in Portland ME! We are neighbors.

Ken