I didn't even try to fight it! :-(
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Join Date: Aug 2008
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I didn't even try to fight it! :-(
I blew it! I hate myself right now! I had 10 days yesterday & was starting to feel better and went out to a bar last night and drank. I didn't even TRY to fight the craving....I just said "the heck with it" and drank! All that work down the drain. :-(
I left Friday morning for a trip with my father and kids. It was on an island so we didn't have cell service! I kept trying and trying to log on to SR for support but couldn't. (I had been getting on SR several times a day up to that point when I was at home and it really helped) I managed to NOT drink all weekend but the second I got home last night it was GO TIME! BTW, there weren't even any AA meetings that I could have gone to even though I don't use that program.
Being with my father makes me feel like I am 10 years old. He has a very short temper and I have to walk on egg shells the whole time I am around him. I only see him once a year if I am lucky (or not so lucky) because he lives in another country. He is a millionaire who thinks he can push everyone around. As much as I love him (because he's my father and wasn't always like this)...it is SO stressful to be around him! We planned this SHORT trip months ago so my kids could see their grandfather.
So...after watching people drinking for 3 days including my father....and having ZERO support system....and not "breathing" for 3 days for fear of pissing off my father....I threw 10 days of sobriety out the window. I was feeling SO much better too and gaining hope.
In addition, my husband (another support system) is out of town on a business trip for 15 days and couldn't go on the trip with us. He has NEVER been out of town and I miss him. I hate not having him at home. He's my best friend.
I know it sounds like I am making A LOT of excuses and trying to justify why I drank last night (and I drank A LOT). I know I could have come home and logged on to SR or visited a support group when I got home and had internet service....but I chose NOT to....almost like I felt like I "deserved it". I NEVER want this to happen again so I am reaching out to you guys for support and advice. Thanks so much for listening. It feels so good just to get that off my chest. Back to day 1.
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I left Friday morning for a trip with my father and kids. It was on an island so we didn't have cell service! I kept trying and trying to log on to SR for support but couldn't. (I had been getting on SR several times a day up to that point when I was at home and it really helped) I managed to NOT drink all weekend but the second I got home last night it was GO TIME! BTW, there weren't even any AA meetings that I could have gone to even though I don't use that program.
Being with my father makes me feel like I am 10 years old. He has a very short temper and I have to walk on egg shells the whole time I am around him. I only see him once a year if I am lucky (or not so lucky) because he lives in another country. He is a millionaire who thinks he can push everyone around. As much as I love him (because he's my father and wasn't always like this)...it is SO stressful to be around him! We planned this SHORT trip months ago so my kids could see their grandfather.
So...after watching people drinking for 3 days including my father....and having ZERO support system....and not "breathing" for 3 days for fear of pissing off my father....I threw 10 days of sobriety out the window. I was feeling SO much better too and gaining hope.
In addition, my husband (another support system) is out of town on a business trip for 15 days and couldn't go on the trip with us. He has NEVER been out of town and I miss him. I hate not having him at home. He's my best friend.
I know it sounds like I am making A LOT of excuses and trying to justify why I drank last night (and I drank A LOT). I know I could have come home and logged on to SR or visited a support group when I got home and had internet service....but I chose NOT to....almost like I felt like I "deserved it". I NEVER want this to happen again so I am reaching out to you guys for support and advice. Thanks so much for listening. It feels so good just to get that off my chest. Back to day 1.
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Join Date: May 2012
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Sorry to hear that Serenidad. Perhaps adding some local support like AA/NA would help? You may want to simply avoid attending events or trips where a lot of drinking will take place for a while too. Or take a copy of the big book along next time. Even if you don't do AA the stories are great reading and don't require cell service
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
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Hey Serenidad,
You need to really accept that you're now a non drinker and try to find something to be happy about other than alcohol, your last thread was all about Sobriety and unhappiness and that's something that needs to be worked through as you'll never stick to Sobriety if you always see alcohol as the solution and the giver of happiness
Support is always key too, but even without support, our resolve to be non drinkers from now on needs to shine through when we're up against it.
Go at it again, you can finally crack this, but you have to want it more than anything else!!
You need to really accept that you're now a non drinker and try to find something to be happy about other than alcohol, your last thread was all about Sobriety and unhappiness and that's something that needs to be worked through as you'll never stick to Sobriety if you always see alcohol as the solution and the giver of happiness
Support is always key too, but even without support, our resolve to be non drinkers from now on needs to shine through when we're up against it.
Go at it again, you can finally crack this, but you have to want it more than anything else!!
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Join Date: Aug 2007
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Hi Serenidad. I'm sorry for the pain you're in over this - but glad you wanted to talk about it.
I did the same thing a few times. I knew I couldn't touch it - I guess I just needed to prove it to myself a few times. I had to convince myself that it never made me happy or relaxed. It didn't ease my mind or make my troubles go way. All it did was make things more difficult and send my anxiety through the roof. It's easy to fall back on our old 'friend' - who intends to destroy us. You are wiser now - hold your head up and get back to business.
We know you can do this.
I'm sorry for the pain you're in over this - but glad you wanted to talk about it.I did the same thing a few times. I knew I couldn't touch it - I guess I just needed to prove it to myself a few times. I had to convince myself that it never made me happy or relaxed. It didn't ease my mind or make my troubles go way. All it did was make things more difficult and send my anxiety through the roof. It's easy to fall back on our old 'friend' - who intends to destroy us. You are wiser now - hold your head up and get back to business.
We know you can do this.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 383
Even though you drank it sounds as if you're not happy about it, so take heart and try not to make your decision to be sober be about how many days you went sober. We can get so caught up in "it's been x days since my last drink" that I feel this can actually work against us in sobriety, because we associate more time with greater stakes, when in fact we all have today, and today only.
There's a clinical difference between lapse and relapse too btw A lapse is what you had - a moment in which you decided to drink - the pros for drinking outweighed the cons against drinking momentarily. Now, it seems you're back on track, knowing you have a problem and resolved to stay sober. A relapse is when you say "aw heck with it" and give up sobriety for the foreseeable future - it doesn't sound like that's you...
Here's the rub: since lapsing is part of getting sober, what can you do in your steady progress of working towards sobriety to address what it is that caused you to decide to drink the other night? Really dig in there... If you can afford it, a counselor could help you sort that stuff out, as well as give you more suggestions on managing cravings when they kick in. Peer support like AA, this website and others are good too. Just like SR works for you by staying in touch, personally interacting with people for support can be exponentially powerful in helping you stay sober.
Don't hang your head - hang in there
There's a clinical difference between lapse and relapse too btw
A lapse is what you had - a moment in which you decided to drink - the pros for drinking outweighed the cons against drinking momentarily. Now, it seems you're back on track, knowing you have a problem and resolved to stay sober. A relapse is when you say "aw heck with it" and give up sobriety for the foreseeable future - it doesn't sound like that's you...Here's the rub: since lapsing is part of getting sober, what can you do in your steady progress of working towards sobriety to address what it is that caused you to decide to drink the other night? Really dig in there... If you can afford it, a counselor could help you sort that stuff out, as well as give you more suggestions on managing cravings when they kick in. Peer support like AA, this website and others are good too. Just like SR works for you by staying in touch, personally interacting with people for support can be exponentially powerful in helping you stay sober.
Don't hang your head - hang in there
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI 
Sorry to hear that Serenidad. Perhaps adding some local support like AA/NA would help? You may want to simply avoid attending events or trips where a lot of drinking will take place for a while too. Or take a copy of the big book along next time. Even if you don't do AA the stories are great reading and don't require cell service
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Originally Posted by Purpleknight
Hey Serenidad, You need to really accept that you're now a non drinker and try to find something to be happy about other than alcohol, your last thread was all about Sobriety and unhappiness and that's something that needs to be worked through as you'll never stick to Sobriety if you always see alcohol as the solution and the giver of happiness Support is always key too, but even without support, our resolve to be non drinkers from now on needs to shine through when we're up against it. Go at it again, you can finally crack this, but you have to want it more than anything else!!
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Originally Posted by Hevyn
Hi Serenidad. I'm sorry for the pain you're in over this - but glad you wanted to talk about it. I did the same thing a few times. I knew I couldn't touch it - I guess I just needed to prove it to myself a few times. I had to convince myself that it never made me happy or relaxed. It didn't ease my mind or make my troubles go way. All it did was make things more difficult and send my anxiety through the roof. It's easy to fall back on our old 'friend' - who intends to destroy us. You are wiser now - hold your head up and get back to business. We know you can do this.
I'm sorry for the pain you're in over this - but glad you wanted to talk about it. I did the same thing a few times. I knew I couldn't touch it - I guess I just needed to prove it to myself a few times. I had to convince myself that it never made me happy or relaxed. It didn't ease my mind or make my troubles go way. All it did was make things more difficult and send my anxiety through the roof. It's easy to fall back on our old 'friend' - who intends to destroy us. You are wiser now - hold your head up and get back to business. We know you can do this.Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
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Join Date: Aug 2003
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You can do this!
If you are facing a situation, as with your family visit, that you know will be too stressful, seriously consider staying away. Early recovery is very hard and I was so vulnerable. Make the choice to put your recovery first.
If you are facing a situation, as with your family visit, that you know will be too stressful, seriously consider staying away. Early recovery is very hard and I was so vulnerable. Make the choice to put your recovery first.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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10 days, all that work down the drain, not pleased with yourself, hmmmmmm
all that work was not down the drain. one day went down the drain, pick yourself back up and put that one day in the rear view mirror. some good advice up there. it's a learning process at times. use what you already know and continue moving forward
all that work was not down the drain. one day went down the drain, pick yourself back up and put that one day in the rear view mirror. some good advice up there. it's a learning process at times. use what you already know and continue moving forward
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Southern California
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Ya, it's not down the drain. You got 10 days. And you're back. Just keep going and don't sweat it. I had the same thing happen to me: on 3 different trips for the last 12 days with different family members, and I DID NOT DRINK, which was the miracle! But the SECOND I GOT HOME THE THOUGHTS STARTED COMING!! I was GOING to drink. Thankfully I did not, I don't know why. But what I learned is that I need to watch out as much for AFTER the event that might make me drink as much as the event or circumstances. Tricky this addiction thing!!!
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Originally Posted by LBrain
10 days, all that work down the drain, not pleased with yourself, hmmmmmm all that work was not down the drain. one day went down the drain, pick yourself back up and put that one day in the rear view mirror. some good advice up there. it's a learning process at times. use what you already know and continue moving forward
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Originally Posted by sobercalmwishes
Ya, it's not down the drain. You got 10 days. And you're back. Just keep going and don't sweat it. I had the same thing happen to me: on 3 different trips for the last 12 days with different family members, and I DID NOT DRINK, which was the miracle! But the SECOND I GOT HOME THE THOUGHTS STARTED COMING!! I was GOING to drink. Thankfully I did not, I don't know why. But what I learned is that I need to watch out as much for AFTER the event that might make me drink as much as the event or circumstances. Tricky this addiction thing!!!
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
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You did not lose your 10 days! You still have that experience with you!
When I was struggling to get sober, I identified a pattern in myself. I would stay sober for a few days (anywhere from 2 or 3, maybe all the way up to 10 ) kind of existing in a bubble -making life as easy for myself as possible - and then "real life" would butt into the picture with anything I considered a stressor, and many, many times I would make it through the stressor sober. Then I would be on a pink cloud the following day and stay sober also. Finally, all the adrenaline of "making it through" whatever the situation may have been would drain away, along with my resolve and I would drink. Then I would feel as though any sobriety I had gained was wasted, and use that as an excuse to keep drinking. Rinse, repeat a good 100 times before I got sober.
I now think of that pattern as "the day after the day after" syndrome, and watch for it just as carefully in sobriety as I did in the last months that I was drinking and plan to be as gentle with myself as possible for a day or two after a stressful situation that can't be avoided. I even made lists of things that I could do or not do, people that I could rely on for help, and "life hacks" to take the pressure off so I could relax and focus on staying sober.
Rooting for you!
Jomey
When I was struggling to get sober, I identified a pattern in myself. I would stay sober for a few days (anywhere from 2 or 3, maybe all the way up to 10 ) kind of existing in a bubble -making life as easy for myself as possible - and then "real life" would butt into the picture with anything I considered a stressor, and many, many times I would make it through the stressor sober. Then I would be on a pink cloud the following day and stay sober also. Finally, all the adrenaline of "making it through" whatever the situation may have been would drain away, along with my resolve and I would drink. Then I would feel as though any sobriety I had gained was wasted, and use that as an excuse to keep drinking. Rinse, repeat a good 100 times before I got sober.
I now think of that pattern as "the day after the day after" syndrome, and watch for it just as carefully in sobriety as I did in the last months that I was drinking and plan to be as gentle with myself as possible for a day or two after a stressful situation that can't be avoided. I even made lists of things that I could do or not do, people that I could rely on for help, and "life hacks" to take the pressure off so I could relax and focus on staying sober.
Rooting for you!
Jomey
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
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Families are a HUGE trigger. Sounds like your baby sobriety was overtaxed. Add more tools and maybe stay away from dear old dad until your stronger. I relapsed a few times trying to claw my way back in the sobriety saddle recently. It was the last one that really solidified that I wanted sobriety more than anything and I will do whatever it takes to protect this precious baby.
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