drowning in anger
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: houston, tx
Posts: 2
drowning in anger
where do I start? I am new, i am 26, and married, my husband works, i cannot, i take care of our infant niece in our home while her mom works. i have been drinking 3 or more cocktails, or 10 shots every night for the past about 10 years. I have also been plagued, with stomach problems for years, recently i went to the DR, and did blood work and found out there is a problem with my liver (no surprise) I have to go in next week for more tests as we do not yet know what is wrong. I am so scared, I KNOW it is because of drinking. I have decided that I have to quit, problem is I just don't feel strong enough, I can't even get one day under my belt, I start out with the best of intentions, and then my husband comes home from work and i am instantly mad, for no reason, and i sit there fuming about nothing until i give up and make a drink, then I feel horrible that I am such a weak person, and just give in and drink the rest of the week too. I can't sleep sober, and I am always mad or depressed when I am sober, even my husband says I seem happier and more content with a few drinks in me. I feel so desperate, and alone. how do I get over being mad? i think I'm mad that i have to quit, does this make any sense to anyone else?...........sigh :sink
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: The Mohave Desert
Posts: 2,306
Hi Starz
Glad you came here....
What you are experiencing is very normal for someone with an addiction.
Believe me our primitive addictive brain will do anything to get what it wants, and that is a DRINK!
Anger is one of it's best excuses to tell us to just f**k it and just have a something to take the edge off. It is cunning, pwerful and baffling.
I used to get angry for silly stuff and then use that as an excuse to drink, finally it dawned on me what was happening and I had to learn to shut that demon up and take control over my life again.
Can you get to an AA meeting? That would be good, because it really helps to be around other's who are going through what you are.
Hang out here, read about alcohol in the alcohol forum, post and share.
Glad you came here....
What you are experiencing is very normal for someone with an addiction.
Believe me our primitive addictive brain will do anything to get what it wants, and that is a DRINK!
Anger is one of it's best excuses to tell us to just f**k it and just have a something to take the edge off. It is cunning, pwerful and baffling.
I used to get angry for silly stuff and then use that as an excuse to drink, finally it dawned on me what was happening and I had to learn to shut that demon up and take control over my life again.
Can you get to an AA meeting? That would be good, because it really helps to be around other's who are going through what you are.
Hang out here, read about alcohol in the alcohol forum, post and share.
Old and in the Way
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: High and Dry
Posts: 789
Starz - Welcome to SR from another alchie in the Bayou City. (There seem to be quite a few of us around. 
)
There are literally hundreds of AA meetings in Houston, which may help you get to the root of what's going on. Here is a search tool that I have found to be very helpful in locating them:
http://www.aahouston.org/meetings/searchform.php
Good luck. You've made a good start in coming here. Keep coming back.
Joe
)There are literally hundreds of AA meetings in Houston, which may help you get to the root of what's going on. Here is a search tool that I have found to be very helpful in locating them:
http://www.aahouston.org/meetings/searchform.php
Good luck. You've made a good start in coming here. Keep coming back.
Joe
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: houston, tx
Posts: 2
Thanks for the kind words, and the link, I will have to see if I can find a meeting to goto....my next q is, how do you occupy you mind so that you are not contantly thinking about it, and what do you do to get to sleep if you don't drink? seem like pills is probably a really bad way to go. :sleeping:
Old and in the Way
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: High and Dry
Posts: 789
Originally Posted by starzsway
how do you occupy you mind so that you are not contantly thinking about it, and what do you do to get to sleep if you don't drink? seem like pills is probably a really bad way to go. :sleeping:
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Calif.
Posts: 42
Hi ((starzsway))!! I'm glad you are here!
Just a suggestion - you need to get yourself to a meeting. And don't replace booze with pills. That's all you would be doing. Replacing one drug for another.
Taking the first step, and getting to a meeting will help. Or call your local AA office. The answers to all your questions are there!
Trust me - when I was new, I was full of questions!
Vivian
Just a suggestion - you need to get yourself to a meeting. And don't replace booze with pills. That's all you would be doing. Replacing one drug for another.
Taking the first step, and getting to a meeting will help. Or call your local AA office. The answers to all your questions are there!
Trust me - when I was new, I was full of questions!
Vivian
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,516
Hi Starz,
I also thought I could not sleep sober, in fact I was sure I couldn't. And, the truth is that most people have sleeping problems when they stop drinking. Eventually, in a matter of a month or so, your normal sleep patterns will return. They really will. I wouldn't suggest sleeping pills because that is just opening another door you don't want to go through.
It's normal to feel scared and angry. I felt that way too when I realized what I had to done to myself. You clearly need to take care of your health and you can stop drinking by taking it slowly and focusing on each day. Don't think long term. And hang around here for support.
Love, Anna
I also thought I could not sleep sober, in fact I was sure I couldn't. And, the truth is that most people have sleeping problems when they stop drinking. Eventually, in a matter of a month or so, your normal sleep patterns will return. They really will. I wouldn't suggest sleeping pills because that is just opening another door you don't want to go through.
It's normal to feel scared and angry. I felt that way too when I realized what I had to done to myself. You clearly need to take care of your health and you can stop drinking by taking it slowly and focusing on each day. Don't think long term. And hang around here for support.
Love, Anna
we're all mad here!
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: a padded room with bars
Posts: 1,681
Hi Starz
Don't quote me on this, but I think I remember reading that alcohol disrupts your REM cycle. That is why you may wake up tired. Personally, it also messed with my breathing, but then, I drank ALOT at the end.
51anna is right..... except it only took me a week to get some good quality sleep after I quit. I'd really suggest you not going the way of pills.... then you'll have another addiction to quit.
You are not a weak person..... its just that alcohol is extremely powerful.
You might want to look into why you get angry when your husband comes home...... maybe go into some counselling.
Don't quote me on this, but I think I remember reading that alcohol disrupts your REM cycle. That is why you may wake up tired. Personally, it also messed with my breathing, but then, I drank ALOT at the end.
51anna is right..... except it only took me a week to get some good quality sleep after I quit. I'd really suggest you not going the way of pills.... then you'll have another addiction to quit.
You are not a weak person..... its just that alcohol is extremely powerful.
You might want to look into why you get angry when your husband comes home...... maybe go into some counselling.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi and welcome!
Your certainly not alone! My life turned to miserable existence of lonliness, bitterness, anger, and was only "happy" when drinking toward the end to. I didn't think I could quit, I didn't think I could live with out my crutch to happiness, I couldn't be healthy, I was hungover and ill all the time, and when I was done, when I found the courage through the support I found here, I was able to quit. I've not had a drink since the day I came to SR. Eventually, I found the rooms of AA, which has given me a new direction in life. To finally have peace, serenity, friends, an no more impending doom is worth the effort and strength it takes to get sober. What have you got to loose at this point?.... much more, I assure you!
Your certainly not alone! My life turned to miserable existence of lonliness, bitterness, anger, and was only "happy" when drinking toward the end to. I didn't think I could quit, I didn't think I could live with out my crutch to happiness, I couldn't be healthy, I was hungover and ill all the time, and when I was done, when I found the courage through the support I found here, I was able to quit. I've not had a drink since the day I came to SR. Eventually, I found the rooms of AA, which has given me a new direction in life. To finally have peace, serenity, friends, an no more impending doom is worth the effort and strength it takes to get sober. What have you got to loose at this point?.... much more, I assure you!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: UK
Posts: 375
Hi Starzway, I'm Deg and I've been there too - lying in bed in a pool of sweat thinking that you're about to die any second isn't too nice. I think your first job is to get that appointment sorted next week and tell the Doc exactly how much you drink (she or he will know anyway by the state of your liver - so be honest) and tell them you want help to stop. I don't know what the system's like where you are but that should get things in motion.
You then need a plan of how to quit. AA spells out one plan that works for most of the long-term-sober here. There are many others that work just as well if the AA isn't for you. But having good support very close to you can't be a bad thing.
Come back and tell us how you're doing when you can.
Deg.
You then need a plan of how to quit. AA spells out one plan that works for most of the long-term-sober here. There are many others that work just as well if the AA isn't for you. But having good support very close to you can't be a bad thing.
Come back and tell us how you're doing when you can.
Deg.
knucklehead
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: earth
Posts: 694
starzsway, you have made a good start beginning this thread. you are now at the beginning of a new way of life. a life of knowing that you were able to take back your life. you have found a good good group of people here. i believe that you can stop drinking for one day. it wont be easy. drink pleanty of H20 breathe deeply empower your self. good luck
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
((((Strazsway)))) Good luck. I agree with Deg, you must be completly honest with your Dr. I'm glad you found your wat here.
(((Calz))) It looks as if you got it down. I see your post. Ask away..gif "Yes(1)")
Talia
(((Calz))) It looks as if you got it down. I see your post. Ask away.
Talia
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: western canada
Posts: 1,441
Originally Posted by calzac
how does this chat room work? how do I ask ?'s
Welcome to SR.
I see Muze's got you covered on the chat thing... haven't tried it myself yet on this board...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi Star
I'm Rowan, and I'm an alcoholic. I'm so glad you're here. You've made an important first step, and that's admitting that you need help.
I was 33 when I first got sober. I'm 36 now, divorced, two daughters. I have ten months sobriety this time around; previous to this I had two years sober. And I'm HAPPY. I never would have believed that I could be happy without pills or booze in my life. For me, I needed AA to get sober and to stay sober.
You have your whole life ahead of you; spare yourself the high cost of low living and join us in sobriety. Keep coming back! We look forward to hearing from you.
Rowan
I'm Rowan, and I'm an alcoholic. I'm so glad you're here. You've made an important first step, and that's admitting that you need help.
I was 33 when I first got sober. I'm 36 now, divorced, two daughters. I have ten months sobriety this time around; previous to this I had two years sober. And I'm HAPPY. I never would have believed that I could be happy without pills or booze in my life. For me, I needed AA to get sober and to stay sober.
You have your whole life ahead of you; spare yourself the high cost of low living and join us in sobriety. Keep coming back! We look forward to hearing from you.
Rowan
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