TryingToLearn

Well last night was bad. AH has priced out an expensive toy and realized the payments were very high so somehow it all became my fault I don't have enough money and he started yelling at me about it and everything else that came into his mind. Called me many terrible names, said some terrible things and ranted on. I made my exit as soon as I could without escalating his temper but of course it left me upset and unable to sleep or think. And I know better to try to defend myself or talk to him because that just makes him crazier.

I've had it. I can't take any more of the yelling and verbal abuse and never having any loving, kind moments even when he's semi sober. I can't live like this. So I'm trying to think of how to extricate myself safely. And the thing that has me so upset is that I'm the one who has to leave my own home but I know in the end it's more important to have peace than this house I care about.

I don't know how you make it through all this craziness and hatefulness. Alcohol definitely loosens your tongue and some of the worst things can come out and do so much damage to the other person and there's no coming back.

And of course this morning, he's not apologetic in the least and truly I don't even know if he remembers.

I can't take this crazy life of verbal abuse any longer. I'm going to be online looking for housing today and hope to make my move soon. I was hoping to wait until I had more of a nest egg but I need peace and a room will suffice as long as it's quiet and stress free.

Thanks for listening. This board provides an important escape for me especially because you understand.

queenapple

This board is a godsend, for sure. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward. You can do it. I understand about the house; I truly love my house but know I might not be able to afford it if our separation becomes permanent. Sad when we get to the point where losing a house saddens us more than losing our spouse, but there it is.

TryingToLearn

Yes, it's the house. I could lose the AH and not blink an eye at this point but the house is a different story. After a point, when someone is so mean and cruel verbally, you lose caring or at least I have.

Brindie

TTL - I had that same feeling, but in the grand scheme of things, my sanity was way more important than the house, and in one week it'll be six months since I left and haven't looked back once. Funny though how we can't see what lies ahead, and we just have to place our trust in small steps at a time and the 'picture' will reveal itself to us in time. So here's a little story that just shows how the unexpected can unfold ... We are currently having the house, where AH lives, valued to sell. This is -so far - the only point of our divorce settlement AH is ready to agree on. The initial valuation showed up way under what I hoped for, and was getting ready to a teeny weeny place of my own .... when it occurred to me and my son in a lightbulb moment, that between us we could afford to buy out AH's half, and I get to move back in!!!!!!! Son has the option of a week to consider before I sign the agent's paperwork, and whatever he chooses to do, I will be happy. (It will mean he has to continue to rent for another 4-5 years.) So we never truly know what's around the corner .... sure there's something good for you!

TryingToLearn

Brindle, what wonderful news!!! I have to remember to remain hopeful.

Brindie

Not out of the woods yet but I can see the picnic tables! Ever hopeful as you say x

FeelingGreat

Hi TTL, now you've made up your mind to separate, things will start to happen. I'm not saying sit back and do nothing, but you have many options to choose from. Probably seeking legal advice would be the first one. If you go, he shouldn't be able to remain in place very long without compensating you.

If you do leave, the house situation should be temporary as unless one of you can afford to buy the other out, you will probably end up having to sell. At least this will lead to you getting your own place where he has no access.

Please take things carefully in case he escalates once he works out you're serious.