What does it mean to live life on life term?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
To me, it means letting go of self-centered expectations of life, and accepting that life has ups, downs, and everyday middle-of-the-road lulls.
It means taking these all in stride and - rather than running from life or numbing its impact - LIVING it.
Sometimes we'll hurt, sometimes we'll rejoice, sometimes we'll just cruise along and Be. Life on life's terms is about being OK with all of that. It's about flowing along WITH the current of life instead of fighting it. It's about understanding that everything is transient and not trying to force life to be things or follow patterns or bring us outcomes that we want, but recognizing the value of the experiences no matter what they are.
It's about not burying our heads in a bottle and having the courage to LIVE.... come what may.
It means taking these all in stride and - rather than running from life or numbing its impact - LIVING it.
Sometimes we'll hurt, sometimes we'll rejoice, sometimes we'll just cruise along and Be. Life on life's terms is about being OK with all of that. It's about flowing along WITH the current of life instead of fighting it. It's about understanding that everything is transient and not trying to force life to be things or follow patterns or bring us outcomes that we want, but recognizing the value of the experiences no matter what they are.
It's about not burying our heads in a bottle and having the courage to LIVE.... come what may.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
You'll probably get as many different answers as there are people here on this one. To me it means accepting that some things are beyond my control. For example, I have no control over the weather, so I must adjust my life appropriately. If it rains, I wear a raincoat. If it's cold, I wear warm clothes. If it's hot, I stay inside or seek shade when i'm outside.
I also put the thoughts and actions of others on my list of life events that I cannot control. I can control my actions and my reactions to others, but I can no more control what a person thinks than I can control if it will rain or not.
I also put the thoughts and actions of others on my list of life events that I cannot control. I can control my actions and my reactions to others, but I can no more control what a person thinks than I can control if it will rain or not.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,462
To me, and I'm early in sobriety, it means whatever excuses you used to drink (it's raining, my car broke down, an argument, it's Friday, etc), you have to deal with sober now. It can be a rude awakening, especially early on. But it helps to realize we all go through it,
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
For me it mean's not escaping, no more running away, hiding from the feelings/emotions that we are supposed to feel as human beings, the ups the downs, face them head on and deal with them as they arise in life.
Living life as it happens, in the hear and now, in real time, not postponing or escaping from it with alcohol!!
Living life as it happens, in the hear and now, in real time, not postponing or escaping from it with alcohol!!
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
This is a hard lesson I am grappling with. My 28 yr old daughter has terminal cancer and is dieing. There is nothing I can do to save her but that does not mean there is nothing I can do..
First and foremost I can be there for her sober. I can take care of myself by going to meetings, talking with my sponsor, praying for guidance, and reaching out for support.
I do not have to like the situation but I have to except the situation
First and foremost I can be there for her sober. I can take care of myself by going to meetings, talking with my sponsor, praying for guidance, and reaching out for support.
I do not have to like the situation but I have to except the situation
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I'm so sorry to hear your situation MI..... I cannot imagine the depth of that grief....
And yet - you don't HAVE to accept it. You have a choice to resist and fight and run and numb and refuse to accept.
Yet, you're choosing to accept. You're choosing to give your daughter the best you that you can and make all you can of the time you have with her.
Good for you. Good for her. I wish you strength and comfort and as much peace as possible for you, she and your family.
And yet - you don't HAVE to accept it. You have a choice to resist and fight and run and numb and refuse to accept.
Yet, you're choosing to accept. You're choosing to give your daughter the best you that you can and make all you can of the time you have with her.
Good for you. Good for her. I wish you strength and comfort and as much peace as possible for you, she and your family.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
So sorry MIR. You’re a great power of example.
Just because I stopped drinking life continues, good and bad, and I need to accept things I can’t change even if I don’t like them. Good examples above.
BE WELL
Just because I stopped drinking life continues, good and bad, and I need to accept things I can’t change even if I don’t like them. Good examples above.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
to me it means to not try and arrange the show to my liking. accepts things for what they are and change what I can and accepting I am powerless over what I cant change and leave the outcome in Gods hands.
take what MIRecovery is going through:
it bothers me that I cant be there f2f to offer support and help out in any way I can. if I want to have peace and serenity I have to accept that I cant be there f2f, give it to God and be here for support.( but my liking would be I would be there and be able to cure the cancer)
prayers out for you and yours, MI.
take what MIRecovery is going through:
it bothers me that I cant be there f2f to offer support and help out in any way I can. if I want to have peace and serenity I have to accept that I cant be there f2f, give it to God and be here for support.( but my liking would be I would be there and be able to cure the cancer)
prayers out for you and yours, MI.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
my heart goes out to you mir it really does but this indeed is living life on lifes terms
when my son was dying i couldnt do anything for him his mum still is an active alcholic and was totaly useless with my son as it was all about her pain how she couldnt cope with my son dying etc
but for me i had no choice i had to nurse him every min of the day and just get on with it carrying around all my fears and heatache but putting my son first ahead of me
i was lucky i had a sponcer to turn to my son had nothing but me and his siblings
he had to face life on lifes terms that he would never see his 17th birthday he would never see us again, he wouldnt be able to have anything anymore and he didnt run off for a drink either
he was more concerned about me and his siblings in the end just amazing when i think of what a real sweet lad is really was and how brave he was in facing life on life terms
this is what we all must do each day when things dont go our way and we want to feel sorry for ourselves, we have to face the pain and grow from it
once again mir my heart goes out to you and i am glad you have the fellowship for help as they will help you i am sure of that
please pass on a simple hug from me to your child
when my son was dying i couldnt do anything for him his mum still is an active alcholic and was totaly useless with my son as it was all about her pain how she couldnt cope with my son dying etc
but for me i had no choice i had to nurse him every min of the day and just get on with it carrying around all my fears and heatache but putting my son first ahead of me
i was lucky i had a sponcer to turn to my son had nothing but me and his siblings
he had to face life on lifes terms that he would never see his 17th birthday he would never see us again, he wouldnt be able to have anything anymore and he didnt run off for a drink either
he was more concerned about me and his siblings in the end just amazing when i think of what a real sweet lad is really was and how brave he was in facing life on life terms
this is what we all must do each day when things dont go our way and we want to feel sorry for ourselves, we have to face the pain and grow from it
once again mir my heart goes out to you and i am glad you have the fellowship for help as they will help you i am sure of that
please pass on a simple hug from me to your child
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
We are never promised life will be a bowl of cherries in sobriety. Life happens both good and bad. What we are promised is living life on life's terms is so much better than treating the pain with alcohol.
I often wondered what if anything would make me drink again. I guess when I make it through this nightmare I will have my answer, NOTHING
I often wondered what if anything would make me drink again. I guess when I make it through this nightmare I will have my answer, NOTHING
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: East Coast, US
Posts: 73
The best way I heard it put in a meeting....
Your either entering a storm, in the middle of a storm, or leaving a storm.
I could really relate to that....I always expect my inflated, controlling and self centered views of life to be reality, which only led to frustration and....you guessed it.....boozing. I am slowly beginning to align my expectations with the reality of life...it isn't meant to be trouble free and all about me. There are storms and there is some calm....how I choose to navigate those waters is something I am realizing totally impacts my view of life and happiness....and getting this AV beast off of my shoulder.
Your either entering a storm, in the middle of a storm, or leaving a storm.
I could really relate to that....I always expect my inflated, controlling and self centered views of life to be reality, which only led to frustration and....you guessed it.....boozing. I am slowly beginning to align my expectations with the reality of life...it isn't meant to be trouble free and all about me. There are storms and there is some calm....how I choose to navigate those waters is something I am realizing totally impacts my view of life and happiness....and getting this AV beast off of my shoulder.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: nomad
Posts: 253
Third time, in the Christian world, there is a say kinda like yours, your either going into a valley or coming out of a valley. That applies not just to us Christians or addicts, it is true for everyone in life. I've learned a while ago, we all have are vices.
Recovered
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,129
Instead of life on MY terms. Today I have a clear notion of what is in my circle of control, what is in my circle of concern (but not control), and what is neither. Life happens and I can proact rather than react. I have changed my reaction to life.
Getting a new angle in terms of viewing life has really been a cornerstone of my new-found serenity. At the end of the day, I can only change ME and my attitudes.
Getting a new angle in terms of viewing life has really been a cornerstone of my new-found serenity. At the end of the day, I can only change ME and my attitudes.
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