liberated

So........... it's been 9 months now without the poison and my best friend asked me to come to some non alcoholic-related Holiday get togethers and I HESITATED and went into PANIC! It was the old reflex of- "would I get home in time to drink?" "How long would I have to be out before I could run to the safety of my drunken cave?". Good Grief? Of course I am going out, but was completely taken a back by this built in reaction that has come back- Anyone else?

Nuudawn

I think some neurological pathways die hard. Your post reminds me of something I experienced in another sobriety. I had attended a wedding and had been sober 4 or 5 months. On the Monday at work after the wedding a co-worked asked me a detail about the wedding (maybe it had to do with bride's dress, not sure). Whatever she asked me, I didn't recall. But I VIVIDLY remember beginning to say "I dunno, I was too drunk".
The thought stopped me in my tracks. I wasn't drunk at all. I just didn't remember the particular detail.
It really threw me for a loop..how quickly I was going to throw out the I was drunk excuse...wierder yet...in that moment...I really DID think I had been drunk.

A little different...but it was knee jerk and it felt like "my truth" in that moment. It wasn't but it was. Memories are stored via emotional kickers. You've had that one a long time. Sadly, I guess I was used to not remembering things at weddings and such...cuz I was hammered. Ugh.

Cathryn2001

My mind very occasionally springs back to the kind of thoughts that it generated while I was drinking. I'm always stunned when this happens. It freaks me out to think of the types of neural pathways that I'd carved out while drinking--constant thoughts of when I would get to drink, when people were going to "go away" so I could drink without an audience, whether or not there was enough beer in the house, etc.

Best thing when that happens is the follow-up thought . . . whew . . I don't need to worry about that anymore. Such a relief.

liberated

Thank you BOTH! It is SUCH a relief that those thoughts are just that THOUGHT not actions anymore. It was a giant slap in the face reminder, however and a resolve to stay the course. SO nice to be able to go anywhere I might want without worrying about the where/when of alcohol!

PurpleKnight

It takes time to not only break the old habits but our mind patterns, it'll come though, soon you'll be thinking I'm going to meet a friend and then home to bed to get up nice and early to do something else, because you won't have a hangover.

Hang in there, it'll come!!

trachemys

I think you're nuckin' futs. Just kidding, of course.

Here, read about my ride home today:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4761632

Dollyangel17

I have been sober for over a year now, and although I no longer hesitate to make plans, I often ponder how it used to be as I am driving home from an event completely sober that in my drinking days I likely wouldn't have gone for all those same reasons you mentioned.

I liked morning events because I could usually go and get back to safely do the bulk of my drinking without worry. Evening events...no way. Considering I started drinking in the morning, those were few and far between!