OT--Why do some people say they are going to do things they have no intention of doin
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OT--Why do some people say they are going to do things they have no intention of doin
Why do some people say they are going to do things they have no intention of doing?
I can see it if they want to get something out of you, deplorable though that may be, but what about when they aren't?
(Note: names, locations, etc, have been changed.)
A co-worker, “Sue” found out I was going to Japan for a vacation. I don't know Sue well, but we have spoken to each other when we ran into each other at work. Sue, who’s been to Japan, said she would give me some tips about Japan, that she’d love to meet with me and chat about Japan. I emailed Sue about this one day. Sue responded, sure, what did my schedule look like? I emailed when I would be able to meet with her.
No response.
Two days later, Sue came by my office to ask to use a loaner office machine. I gave her one, and she said she would email me her schedule and we would get together. From my experience with her only short days ago, I was not holding my breath waiting for this to happen. And, of course, no response.
Why did she say all this if all she was doing was lying? I can see telling white lies sometimes, but to me this seems mean and dishonest, at the very least.
I guess I don’t need to tell you I’ll never believe another word out of her mouth.
I can see it if they want to get something out of you, deplorable though that may be, but what about when they aren't?
(Note: names, locations, etc, have been changed.)
A co-worker, “Sue” found out I was going to Japan for a vacation. I don't know Sue well, but we have spoken to each other when we ran into each other at work. Sue, who’s been to Japan, said she would give me some tips about Japan, that she’d love to meet with me and chat about Japan. I emailed Sue about this one day. Sue responded, sure, what did my schedule look like? I emailed when I would be able to meet with her.
No response.
Two days later, Sue came by my office to ask to use a loaner office machine. I gave her one, and she said she would email me her schedule and we would get together. From my experience with her only short days ago, I was not holding my breath waiting for this to happen. And, of course, no response.
Why did she say all this if all she was doing was lying? I can see telling white lies sometimes, but to me this seems mean and dishonest, at the very least.
I guess I don’t need to tell you I’ll never believe another word out of her mouth.
Last edited by kudzujean; 06-26-2014 at 01:29 PM. Reason: easier to read
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Sometimes we have to realize it isn't all about us.
She is offering to do you a favor. She is obviously busy as well. Why don't you email or call her again and express gratitude for her generosity and then try to pin her down to a time?
In the end, she may not have anything of value to you for your trip - or she may have awesome ideas. Any appointment-setting requires effort.
She is offering to do you a favor. She is obviously busy as well. Why don't you email or call her again and express gratitude for her generosity and then try to pin her down to a time?
In the end, she may not have anything of value to you for your trip - or she may have awesome ideas. Any appointment-setting requires effort.
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i think you are taking this WAY too seriously hon. some people just don't follow through very well. this is someone you barely know, who then barely knows you, thought she might have some travel advice....she did not offer to buy your house or be your maid of honor!!
next time your paths cross and if she mentions getting together, just smile and say thanks, but i think i'll be fine. it was nice of you to offer. and then let it go.
next time your paths cross and if she mentions getting together, just smile and say thanks, but i think i'll be fine. it was nice of you to offer. and then let it go.
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Did you read all my post? I emailed her once, no response.
She HAD to come by my office to borrow the office machine, so she brought it up again.
And SAID she'd send me her schedule. She didn't, of course.
Today is the last day we could get together before I go.
Generosity doesn't mean anything if all it is is just words. In this case, the words for sure don't match the actions.
She HAD to come by my office to borrow the office machine, so she brought it up again.
And SAID she'd send me her schedule. She didn't, of course.
Today is the last day we could get together before I go.
Generosity doesn't mean anything if all it is is just words. In this case, the words for sure don't match the actions.
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This made my abandonment issue kick like a Missouri mule.
and by someone who you admittedly don't know very well at all.
i believe the Universe has just handed you an opportunity for some self reflection and growth!
Have fun in Japan!
and by someone who you admittedly don't know very well at all.
i believe the Universe has just handed you an opportunity for some self reflection and growth!
Have fun in Japan!
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I think when people say things like, "let's get together sometime" it's just a form of small talk. Kind of like when someone asks, "how are you?" and the other person will respond with "doing well". It's very superficial, but part of life.
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I agree with you, Choublak, but I can't understand this woman's saying something SO SPECIFIC, twice, within a short period of time.
To me that constitutes lying. Lesson learned. I won't trust that person any more.
To me that constitutes lying. Lesson learned. I won't trust that person any more.
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Are you sure you're not taking the whole thing a wee bit personally?
I don't think it's worth fretting over why she did it. Honestly, it's a waste of energy.
Her lack of follow-through is her problem only. People are unpredictable. Be the best you you can be and let the small stuff go.
I don't think it's worth fretting over why she did it. Honestly, it's a waste of energy.
Her lack of follow-through is her problem only. People are unpredictable. Be the best you you can be and let the small stuff go.
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Don't take it personally. Like the saying goes, "Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about." They're could be a million reasons why she didn't respond. Use this as an opportunity to reflect a bit on you, and the expectations you may be placing on others. And then move on. Enjoy Japan. How exciting!
I once pulled up to a stop light with the intention of making a right-hand turn. So I as I stopped, I looked to left while slowly pulling around the corner to the right. When I had fully stopped and looked to the right, there was a man standing at and glaring into my passenger window. I had pulled my car directly into his path. I looked right at him, mouthed the words "I'm sorry" and put my hand up waving apologetically. I meant it because I was wrong to not look both ways. He looked right at me, snarling, and screamed "B*T*H!!!!" Whoa. Old me would have immediately felt sorry for myself. Then I would have spent months dreaming of ways I could have had revenge right then and there. I would have been forever in "How dare he!" mode every time I pulled up to that same corner. New me realized that for a man to be that full of hate and rage at the drop of a hat, he must have travelled a path in life that I could never dream of nor want to. He was wrong to do that, and that's the end of it for me. Nothing more.
I once pulled up to a stop light with the intention of making a right-hand turn. So I as I stopped, I looked to left while slowly pulling around the corner to the right. When I had fully stopped and looked to the right, there was a man standing at and glaring into my passenger window. I had pulled my car directly into his path. I looked right at him, mouthed the words "I'm sorry" and put my hand up waving apologetically. I meant it because I was wrong to not look both ways. He looked right at me, snarling, and screamed "B*T*H!!!!" Whoa. Old me would have immediately felt sorry for myself. Then I would have spent months dreaming of ways I could have had revenge right then and there. I would have been forever in "How dare he!" mode every time I pulled up to that same corner. New me realized that for a man to be that full of hate and rage at the drop of a hat, he must have travelled a path in life that I could never dream of nor want to. He was wrong to do that, and that's the end of it for me. Nothing more.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
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I go through this on a regular basis with one of my brothers. He is always telling me he will be coming over to mow my grass (he has a riding mower and I only have a push mower). I have never asked him to do it, but I appreciate the offer. Usually he does not show up and I end up push mowing the lawn myself, which I don't mind doing. One time he actually did show up (several days after he said he would be here) while I was working on the lawn, and began to fuss at me for being hard-headed. I am not the type to ask for help if it is something I can do for myself, and I did not feel that I should remind him since I did not even ask to start with. Now I just take his offers with a grain of salt, and push mow my lawn when it needs it. If he shows up, great! If not, then at least my lawn is done.
My experience has been that if someone really wants to "help" you (whether it is with info about Japan, or mowing your grass) they won't need a reminder to do so. I don't think it is a matter of not intending to do what they say, I think that life just sometimes gets in the way. Do a Google search and let it go. Safe travels to you!
allysen, I had a similar experience backing out of a parking space at the grocery store. That woman went nuts! I just also mouthed "I'm sorry", then went on my way.
My experience has been that if someone really wants to "help" you (whether it is with info about Japan, or mowing your grass) they won't need a reminder to do so. I don't think it is a matter of not intending to do what they say, I think that life just sometimes gets in the way. Do a Google search and let it go. Safe travels to you!
allysen, I had a similar experience backing out of a parking space at the grocery store. That woman went nuts! I just also mouthed "I'm sorry", then went on my way.
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Most people get all caught up in their lives, their thoughts and neglect the responsibility of showing up when we promise to do so. Suggest calling her and making arrangements over the phone......e-mail is something we frequently overlook.
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