redrah419

My husband hid his opiate addiction from me. Only after he took his life on Valentines Day did I learn how much he had been hiding. I found him at his fathers house after he did not come home for 2 days. He had hung himself after taking a huge amount of oxycodone and oxymorphone, along with some other over the counter meds. He had been sick off and on; assuring me he did not know what was wrong and going to the doc. Of course, foolishly I believed him and thought he was truly ill for other causes the docs would find out. He was constantly moody, tired, and blame everything on being sick and stress at work. I also did not know he was not working a whole lot. He pretended to come home often. No one called from work, he was pretty high up, so I never knew. I noticed my credit card maxed out and started asking questions. Of course, nothing he said made much sense. I then began to notice a history of large and repetitive withdrawals. Again nothing he said added up. I was and still am heartbroken. I begged him for answers. I even confronted him about drugs as a possibility. Lies. Denial. He was emotionally distant from my heartache. Not normal for him. He told me he had a doc appt and then texted me the doc said he had ms. Of course I freaked and rushed home. He never came home after that. I called everywhere and filed a missing person report. 2 days later he texted me he would be home and loved me w all his heart. When he did not return, I drove to his fathers house and found his car. His father had seen him and left him at the house believing he would return to me. His dad came home, entered with me, and I found him there. He had passed already but I tried to recusitate him anyways. It seems so surreal.
I am left with 3 amazing kids, 10,9,7, ghat miss their Daddy and a broken heart. The saddness, anger, and loneliness comes in waves. I have learned his symptoms were most likely an opiate dependency, he had drained many of our finances, had accounts I knew nothing of, had asked his mom for 5000 that she never shared w me, and was not honest at work. He had sent an email to his parents about feeling like he had ruined his marriage and couldnt liv without me. He admitted to hiding things fro me, but didnt say what, and said he ruins everything due to being molested as a kid and he was tired of it. They never shared the email w me until 6 days after it was sent and he had not come home. I hate them for this. I dont doubt he loved me. I think he was ashamed of his addiction and the liar and person oxy made him into. We had insurance and I wonder if he was tired of feeling like a failure or let down and we were better off without him. He was the love of my life for 20 years. I feel lucky to know what love means , before the opiates took him from me of course.
Loving am addict is painful and draining. I also feel so alone and fear I will never know happiness again. I am 35 with 3 kids. Totally stressed. Totally heartbroken. Feel totally alone.

sugarbear1

you have my deepest condolences

hugs and love to you

Jupiters

wow. I am so very sorry for your loss. You have found a great site for support.
My deepest deepest condolences to you and your 3 kids.

needingabreak

I am so very sorry for what brings you here. What a terrible tragedy. There are many wonderful caring people here who will support you and help you understand as best they can.
Are you seeing a therapist at all?
MY cousin's husband took his life due to depression and she had two children 12 and 10. They were 8 and 10 when this happened. They were completely devastated.
Opiates are a very difficult drug to kick. I pray for peace and understanding for you and your children. God Bless you.

Tiredofdrugs

redrah419: So sorry to read of your loss!

My husband and I just learned of his cousins' 22 yro son taking his own life due to a drug addiction. They spent thousands on treatments, Attorney's and court fees trying to help him.

Drugs truly turn us into someone we truly don't know anymore.

Please seek help in dealing with all of this!

TOD

MythOfSisyphus

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I know nothing we say can make it better but you will get over this someday. Try to be strong for your kids. You are right- addiction is so terrible, and not just for the addict. When the addict dies his pain is at an end but it continues for those he or she leaves behind.

openmind121

I am so very sorry for all your pain I will be praying for you and your kids in this difficult time.