Romanticizing the Past
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Join Date: Nov 2012
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Romanticizing the Past
I had to run some errands on my lunch break at work today. This meant walking through what some would call a "rough part of town". Along the way I passed a guy smoking a joint outside a small body shop. Then ran into another gentleman stumbling along, drunkenly walking and weaving all over the sidewalk.
It got me to thinking how I spent some of my last days. Drunk on the train on a Monday afternoon. High walking down the street on a Tuesday morning. Just passing the time, really - it wasn't like I ever got anything DONE when I was intoxicated. I didn't get drunk and hire a roofing contractor, or get stoned and do my taxes. It was just a way to stumble through life, searching for that bliss that I once knew back when I was just 20 years old.
Thing is...I'm not 20 years old anymore. Back then, I didn't have to worry about taxes. I didn't have family members who were sick, or dying. I didn't have a full-time job, or large bills to pay. I didn't have health problems. I didn't have responsibilities to a company. Most importantly, I didn't know who I really was, or what I wanted out of life - and thus didn't have responsibilities to the man I wanted to be or the life I wanted to achieve.
When we over-romanticize the past, we are denying the fact that our lives have changed. As adults, our situations have changed drastically from when we first started using as teens or young adults. If you ever want to start drinking again so that you can experience those same feelings again, first see if you can run as fast as you could when you were a teen. Or jump as high. Check to see how many "get out of jail free" cards you have left.
Today, I have finally started to become the guy I want to be. And I have a responsibility to that guy. Events in the past always stay in the past. They can't be recreated. Do your best to remember that if you find yourself getting the itch - it won't be the same and you'll only hurt the great sober adult you've become!
It got me to thinking how I spent some of my last days. Drunk on the train on a Monday afternoon. High walking down the street on a Tuesday morning. Just passing the time, really - it wasn't like I ever got anything DONE when I was intoxicated. I didn't get drunk and hire a roofing contractor, or get stoned and do my taxes. It was just a way to stumble through life, searching for that bliss that I once knew back when I was just 20 years old.
Thing is...I'm not 20 years old anymore. Back then, I didn't have to worry about taxes. I didn't have family members who were sick, or dying. I didn't have a full-time job, or large bills to pay. I didn't have health problems. I didn't have responsibilities to a company. Most importantly, I didn't know who I really was, or what I wanted out of life - and thus didn't have responsibilities to the man I wanted to be or the life I wanted to achieve.
When we over-romanticize the past, we are denying the fact that our lives have changed. As adults, our situations have changed drastically from when we first started using as teens or young adults. If you ever want to start drinking again so that you can experience those same feelings again, first see if you can run as fast as you could when you were a teen. Or jump as high. Check to see how many "get out of jail free" cards you have left.
Today, I have finally started to become the guy I want to be. And I have a responsibility to that guy. Events in the past always stay in the past. They can't be recreated. Do your best to remember that if you find yourself getting the itch - it won't be the same and you'll only hurt the great sober adult you've become!
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
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Great post!! . . . someone around here has a great signature, I think it's Thepatman, it reads:
"The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life" - Muhammad Ali
"The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life" - Muhammad Ali
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
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Good post, BigS)
Though my drinking problems started somewhat later than my 20s, it's only now when I've started really rediscovering myself. Layer by layer peeling off all the BS I had believed in for so many years.
P.S. Though, I think that I am running faster and jumping higher now - hated sport when I was 20)
Though my drinking problems started somewhat later than my 20s, it's only now when I've started really rediscovering myself. Layer by layer peeling off all the BS I had believed in for so many years.
P.S. Though, I think that I am running faster and jumping higher now - hated sport when I was 20)
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I think as long as we keep focusing on the journey we are on, we'll be okay. Looking back at what happened and why is beneficial for awhile, but it's very important to keep focusing on the positives of each day.
Left the bottle behind 4/16/2015
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How often have I tried to recreate that feeling of freedom and elation when I first experienced "the buzz." I've known for most of my adult life that's what I've been trying to get back to but it's gone forever, along with my youth. More than half my life spent trying to recreate the impossible. Great post and very thought-provoking.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Engerland
Posts: 897
Yep,
Even at 54 i still sometimes wanna be the angry young 'rock and roll' hellraiser that i once was. LOL
In short, being grown up has it's drawbacks.
Trouble is these days if i drink, i vomit and cant walk.
Not even to the shower in the hospital ward. I need to use a wheelchair....
Don't remember Jimmy Dean ever crapping his pants after a bender.
Perhaps like you say Sombrero, best to leave those delusions where they belong.....
Feels good to be available again.
G
Even at 54 i still sometimes wanna be the angry young 'rock and roll' hellraiser that i once was. LOL
In short, being grown up has it's drawbacks.
Trouble is these days if i drink, i vomit and cant walk.
Not even to the shower in the hospital ward. I need to use a wheelchair....
Don't remember Jimmy Dean ever crapping his pants after a bender.
Perhaps like you say Sombrero, best to leave those delusions where they belong.....
Feels good to be available again.
G
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Wales UK
Posts: 859
Great post.
John.
Oh and congratulations and all that, it's nice to be able to see some of the past as not as destructive without wanting to go through it all again and knowing how much safer and more comfortable this new life is.
John.
Oh and congratulations and all that, it's nice to be able to see some of the past as not as destructive without wanting to go through it all again and knowing how much safer and more comfortable this new life is.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Sobriety is the easier softer way
Originally Posted by bigsombrero 
Do your best to remember that if you find yourself getting the itch - it won't be the same and you'll only hurt the great sober adult you've become!
You have hit on a good point there. The adult that I have become in sobriety. And I will tell you this did not come easy. Yes you are right, we need not hurt ourselves or others any more.
Sobriety is the easier softer way for recovered drunks such as myself.
Mountainman
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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Great post BigS. Although I am not one bit surprised it came from you. I wanted to respond earlier today but got sidetracked.
What comes to mind is the cliche, ignorance is bliss. I also think that is why when some of us try to go back and relive the ideation of what was once can never be again. Perhaps over time you can drown or kill those brains cells but initially its devastating to relapse because we are equipped with knowledge of what we are doing.
On the athletic side, not sure I agree. I am 40yo and while I am no longer at the same level I was at 19 I am getting much stronger. I played basketball the other day and was able to dunk again:-)
What comes to mind is the cliche, ignorance is bliss. I also think that is why when some of us try to go back and relive the ideation of what was once can never be again. Perhaps over time you can drown or kill those brains cells but initially its devastating to relapse because we are equipped with knowledge of what we are doing.
On the athletic side, not sure I agree. I am 40yo and while I am no longer at the same level I was at 19 I am getting much stronger. I played basketball the other day and was able to dunk again:-)
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Join Date: Nov 2012
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Originally Posted by Nuudawn
Really love this post Sombrero..lots.
I know that sometimes...I long for the carefree cavorting of my youth when I didn't realize all the stuff I was SUPPOSED to be doing...
...like growing up.
I know that sometimes...I long for the carefree cavorting of my youth when I didn't realize all the stuff I was SUPPOSED to be doing...
...like growing up.
The only way it would have worked is if I'd have been able to build a time machine. And even then, I'm sure it wouldn't have done the trick. The mind is a funny thing, painting beautiful pictures that never existed...
After I quit weed, I resented everyone and everything. I'd been "forced to give up" and pouted like a spoiled child. When the fog cleared, I realized I'd been chasing ghosts for years.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
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I relate to a lot of your posts Big S and this one as well. It's odd, when I was out there drinking I was really trapped in the past for a long time. Like my "fun" years with drink and drugs were probably ages 19-25. I stayed out there for another 10 past that. Always trying to get back that feeling. Sometimes for just a moment but the misery was increasing 10 fold. I hated my life at the end and I could not see a way to live for what I have, rather I was discontent because I could not get back what I had. It's so much better today. I don't regret the past or wish to shut the door on it anymore. Am I a "responsible adult"? I don't know. But I am happy for what I've been able to do in the last 8 months and now I feel pretty hopeful about the rest of my life.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
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Originally Posted by bigsombrero
I realized I'd been chasing ghosts for years.
The group of buddies that take their buddy who has just tried to off himsel fin a drunken stupor to the skihill they had their legendary 80s partying days at...
Silly as the flick was...there was sad message there.
Hmmm...funny I'm only really pausing to reflect on that message fully now...
Maybe Whitesnake will be in the sequel
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