autumn2

Hello everyone, I have been reading on here a few nites.Most of you are simply amazing,full of knowledge about addiction. I myself am not the addict. Well,maybe I am who knows. It's my husband that brought me here. I googled what would snorting 8 percocets a day do to someone and whats the difference between hydro and opiate use. I then found this site.

I am no stanger to addiction. Been in a relationship since 89. First it was the drinking,told him I couldn't put up with that. Then it was the weed,couldn't handle how he wreaked of the smell after years of that. Then his dr started prescribing pain pills. Naive me was glad about that. At least he wouldn't be going around smelling like pot 24/7. Little did I know how it's no better walking around with a crushed pill hanging out of his nose is just as bad if not worse than wreaking of weed.Looking back to what these pills have done,weed is nothing in my opinion.

This morning he was out and was jonesing bad. I am an enabler that makes me just as pathetic. He gave me his two credit cards that have $3,000 available on them. He says today is going to be a rough day to put them up. He doesn't need them on him. So to keep the peace I gave him $130.00 to go buy some. I even offered the money,didn't give him time to ask. For the last 3 months his dr switched him to percs 7.5 120 a month. Those are gone in a week.

I do take 1 of whatever he's got a day. Either it be a perc or hydro. I have NEVER snorted. And never wanted to seek them. That's why I said i'm not the addict.

I guess i'm mostly just rambling now. My question would be how likely is it that an addict would hand over his credit cards? Does this mean he may still have a conscience? Also how much worser are percs than hydros if any?

If you have took the time to read all of this bless you. Thanks in advance for any and all replies.

Nuudawn

Only since you stated that you take one a day of whatever he has...I was wondering why you do?
Both percs and hydro's are painkillers right? Not sure which one is worse but do know they are pretty darn popular in the street trade...both highly addictive.
From what I read, there's a problem here right?

Is your question simply bout the credit card issue and whether he has a conscience? I don't think it's that black and white.

All in all..this must be very hard on you. Glad you are reaching out for support.

Mags1

Hi autumn, welcome to SR.

I know very little about drugs, except the prescribed ones I take.

I was a drinker and unfortunately it made me very sly, always planning my next drink if I wasn't drinking already. We addicts have usually an ulterior motive unless coming clean and giving up, then we still have our 'addictive voice' sometimes urging us on.

autumn2

[QUOTE=Nuudawn;4707090]Only since you stated that you take one a day of whatever he has...I was wondering why you do?
Both percs and hydro's are painkillers right? Not sure which one is worse but do know they are pretty darn popular in the street trade...both highly addictive.
From what I read, there's a problem here right?

Is your question simply bout the credit card issue and whether he has a conscience? I don't think it's that black and white.

All in all..this must be very hard on you. Glad you are reaching out for support.[/QUOTE


Yes there is definitely a problem. These pills have taken over his mind. Everythings great as long as he has them. It's when he runs out there is a problem. Checking his phone every few seconds. Pacing in and out of the house letting the back door slam. This gets on my nerves so bad I can't stand it. I end up smarting off and that's when all hell breaks loose.

I have accepted this for so long.Eight years he has been on the pills. Just recently I am just so sick of it. We were together 17 years before we had children. The same year our son was born was the same year he had a motorcycle accident and got on these pills. We just bought a home 3 years ago. All these years renting. Seems like just when we get our ducks in a row they change.

Maybe I'm looking for someone in my situation and would like to know how they handled it. I don't really know.

DisplacedGRITS

Hi autumn. Pills are a difficult issue because doctors prescribe them so how can they be bad? Right. I abused Ambien for over two years. I took as many as 7 (maybe more) a night with alcohol. I should have Heath Ledgered my ass out of this life several times.

So why did you offer him the money if he was trying to have you take his cards? Why bother offering the cards if the person is just gonna give you cash? You say it was to keep the peace but it's not helping him, if that's what y'all are trying to accomplish.

There's a lot going on here. I personally don't think that y'all have much of a chance of getting a handle on this alone. If y'all were friends or family of mine, i'd be asking him to enter treatment and you to get to a therapist ASAP. I don't know what your healthcare situation is, but there are lots of resources for addicts.

It's disconcerting that you are taking opiates for pleasure. I just don't think that that's a normal, healthy action to take. Why not stop? It's not just that it's not physically and mentally healthy. It sets up an atmosphere in your house that pill abuse is tolerated there.

I don't mean to come off harsh or like i'm putting you down. I'm not. I think it's really great that you've found this place and feel strong enough to post here. Sobriety is amazingly life changing and that's a scary prospect. I really hope y'all are able to get some help ASAP. It's a total upheaval of one's life but the benefits are AMAZING! Good luck and keep coming here!

OpioPhobe

Autumn - my advice would be to lead by example and to stop taking them yourself. Isn't it a little weird to tell him to stop doing something that you are doing yourself?

autumn2

Displaced,Thank you so much for your honesty. I think the reason I give him the money to go buy some is because I can't stand for him to act like a fool. Being around such a strong man go to pure weakness,shaking,pacing it's not a pretty site to see.

Last month we went on vacation with some family members. I told him to let me hold 35 of his pills to do him while on vacation. He refused,said he would have his pills to take with him. Day 2 on vacation he was out. Thank God the other family members were at Disney World that day. We were at the hotel and he started going into fits. Said he couldn't handle it. he was going out to find him something. Knowing no one in Orlando. I was remimding him he would end up soliciting an undercover and end up in jail.

So stupid me gets on the phone to a cab to come pick him up at the grocery store across from the hotel and take him to the nearest hospital. We just walked 2 miles to urgent care and they said they do not prescribe narocotics. It was crazy.

I think I done all that because I was embarassed about my family seeing how he was acting over a pill. I learned on this godsend site that I can't worry about stuff like that. That's him not me.

Zs for why I take one of what he has everyday. I don't know. I guess because I'm around it. Seeing him running around with all this energy and in a happy mood,I need some of that. Besides that's one less he will take.

I know it's messed up.

DisplacedGRITS

This beast that has ahold of us is horrible. It drives us to insanity, robs us orf our morality and buries us in guilt and pain. The terrible thing is that on some level when we are using, we have a feeling of happiness of sorts. It's an artificially manufactured happiness that we ride until it abruptly stops. Then, with no natural way to manufacture the necessary chemicals and deprived of the emotional maturity necessary to feel happy, we crash and run back to what we know works. The problem is, the more we use, the more effective our bodies become at utilizing the drugs and the more we need to catch that high. Eventually, we either get sober or we die addicts. There are very few who live in between those truths.

The family is going to find out about his addiction one way or the other. Either he finds himself in trouble (medical, mental, physical, legal) and can't hide it anymore, he dies, or he gets sober. Some people are able to get sober without the family ever even knowing there was a problem. I dare say more people get sober only to find out that the family has known all along and is happy for their newfound sobriety.

I don't think that protecting him is helping him. I don't think it's doing you any favors either. It's okay to be going through hard times. I find that since I've gotten sober, people treat me like the sober alcoholic I am, not the active alcoholic I was. There is a lot less shame in sobriety than there is in using. I'm constantly working on practicing honesty. Being honest let's me understand what's going on in my life. It makes clear what the consequences are of the actions I take in my life. You see, I am very gullible and a darn good liar so if I lie to myself, I live as a fool. Honesty has relieved me of so much stress and guilt. Honesty is one of my most valuable tools in sobriety.

I think it's good to come clean to the doctor. There are non-narcotic methods of pain management. I've seen an acupuncturist and I'll be darned but I got relief from my shoulder pain! Being free from pain don't do him any good if he's dead.

Leaving behind your addiction actions is like ripping a bandage off a festering wound. It hurts but you gotta get out into that clean air to heal.

Verte

Yes. I second these sentiments offered above by DisplacedGRITS - DG, you just have a way with words.

Autumn - the situation in which you and your partner find yourselves reads like the 'Bonnie and Clyde' of addiction. This is problematic, as already are aware, and needs to be attended to. Posting here is definitely a great start to figuring out what you need.

Please stick around. SR has a lot to offer you.

Welcome to the forum!

autumn2

LeTheVerte, there is nothing for me to laugh about,but I have to admit after reading the bonnie and clyde I couldn't help but giggle. People have used that reference to us before along with Johnny and June. Since these pills come into our life though, I seriously think if my dh had a choice of using his two hands to save me from falling from a cliff, or being able to grab a handfull of pills he would let me fall to catch the pills

Verte

Awwww. Autumn. That must have been painful to realize. The collateral damage of a loved one's addiction.

'It takes one, to know one'. Rings true here. Everyday I realize the extent of what this means with addiction and the relationships in my life. Not easy to sift through, but I am very happy that I finally started somewhere, giving up the crutch/smokescreen/numbing/stalling agent...even if I do not understand 'what's up'.

I was not going to post my earlier response because I am currently experiencing repeated insomnia, sleep deprivation, and am a bit more impulsive and callous than usual. Despite this, I posted because one of the most painful realizations that finally kick-started this sober journey was that alcohol was eff'ing with my life, yet no one really ever said 'BOO.' I had to do it myself. Admit that something was wrong, that is. The journey would have happened regardless, I just wonder if a good smack up side the head might have helped. I do not know.

Don't get me wrong. It is my responsibility to get me where I need to go. But realizing that I live in an environment that makes it OK to mess up my life is a painful and lonely feeling. The opposite of what I was looking for with drinking.

So I threw Bonnie and Clyde in there for ya BOO!

Autumn, this forum is SO supportive. I cannot tell you enough how great it is that you are here and questioning things.

Mags1

Hi Autumn, I'll second what LaTheverte, says, this forum is so supportive, it has helped me enormously, wonderful people here with mountains of experience.

I love the terminology, BOO, fantastic. X

Verte

How are you doing today, Autumn? Hah ha ha Mags glad you could smile.

Hugs all around and hopes for insight and clarity.

autumn2

Thank you Mags and Verte. I'm also having bouts with insomnia. Will most likely read on this site for a few hours until I fall asleep.

Today was o.k. But,was also all about the pills.Discovered a lawnmower was missing. Dh says someone must have stole it. Yeah right,funny thing nothing ever goes missing when we are gone days at a time. Only when we are here.

I'm really tired of even worrying about his issues. I have my own. Bipolar,Shizophrenia,ptsd. I guess it's time for me to go back into my pollyanna state of mind and let him deal with his issues. He's a 48 yr old grown man.

I'm glad that you all are doing well in your recovery.Keep it up. It's something to be proud of.

autumn2

Displaced, today was dr day and he came clean.His appt was originally on the 10th. You have to bring your bottles in. If you are there a few days before your script is suppose to run out,you must have your pill count. He takes his up in about 10 days. Did not have the 44 that was suppose to be in it. He missed his appt.

Woke up this morning in a panic because the 8 pills that the $130 bought were gone. He calls dr office. Tells them he didn't like being on the Opiates. As soon as he took one wanted to take another. That he could feel he was addicted to them, that he flushed them. The receptionist said sorry you should have come to your appt and let dr flush them. We have 40 patients to see today. Sorry do what you have to do. Dr is going on vacation for a week.

Then he starts shaking uncontrolable,pacing. Tells me t go ahead and call the law. Tell them he hit me or something. He needed to be locked up or he would hurt somebody.

I said no I'm not going to do that. He ask me to call back to dr office. I said no.I told him I guess he would just have to sell everything he has and buy some. He says no he isn't going to do that. I then call and ask for advice on how to handle a situation with my dh. He has been prescribed these pills 8 yrs and is going through withdrawals. I don't know what to do and can't handle it. They tell me to bring him in.

He tells dr exactly the truth. Dr writes script for hydros 4 a day instead of percs. That's replacing apples with oranges,but oh well he's the dr. I have the pills put up.Giving him 4 a day as prescribed. don't know how long it will last that he will cooperate and not demand the whole bottle.

The nurse I talked to said withdrawal from percs is not life threanting. Don't need dr supervision. I'm sure alot of the scene he was makimg was a show. He perked right up when they told him to come in.

As for me. I took 1/2 a one. It's kind of ridiculous to want to give people advice to stay away from them and me to take them myself without any reason. That's the last half I plan to take. Was a pot smoker for 10 yrs and quit cold turkey,because it brought out paranoia and surfaced all my mental illnesses. Haven't touched the stuff in 12 yrs.

Congratulations on your recovery. You are an inspiration.

DisplacedGRITS

Autumn, I am so proud of you and your hubby. This is not easy ****! For me, coming clean to someone outside my family was absolutely terrifying. I remember checking myself into the ER and just being so ashamed. All these nurses checking in on me, the doctors...this was in Wisconsin and I checked myself into a hospital right off the highway on the first evening that we had significant snow. There were people coming in for real accidents and injuries and here I am, withdrawing from frickin booze.

I tell you, those nurses and assistants and doctors didn't treat my situation lightly at all. I think it helped that I came in voluntarily instead of via a drunken accident. These strangers said they were proud of me and I just couldn't believe the kindness and consideration a drunk like myself was shown.

I think your dh has taken quite a step forward in coming clean to his doctor. It's hard because once the cat's outta the bag, there's no putting it back in! I know that I have to come clean to every new physician I have (I've moved a few times). I have to tell a new doctor my situation right away. I'm an alcoholic, I've abused Ambien and I'm not to be trusted with any kind of narcotic for longer than a week. I have to be almost aggressively honest because if I minimize my addiction at all, I'll try to game the system to get what I think I want. Being sneaky hangs me every time!

I'm pulling you you two. The first few days are hard. I mean, hell a hard. The physical withdrawals are bad enough but add to that the emotional and mental whirlwind that kicks up. Lemme tell you, early sobriety is not the time to ruminate one one's past and try to figure out where it went around or what could have been done or how you're ever going to come to terms with it all. The past is the past and no amount of thinking can change it. In early sobriety, I always recommend that we aggressively practice living in the present. If we concentrate on making our today's the best we can, we find that we build a bank of yesterdays we can live with and we set ourselves up for amazing tomorrows.

Working on my todays has made such a difference. Practicing acceptance on a daily basis has freed me. I used to hide from mirrors. I mean, I would literally duck below mirrors in my house or just close my eyes when I passed one. If I had to brush my teeth, I got close to the mirror so all I could see was teeth. I hated the woman in the mirror. I loathed her, pitied her, was angry at her. All I saw was lost time, squandered opportunities, selfishness and weakness. That was hard to live with. I'm only 80 days sober, but today I can look myself in the mirror. It's easy in the morning. It's at night that I'm most content with. I can honestly say that I didn't lie to a single soul today. I did the best I could with what was asked of me today and I shared from my heart and my experiences in the hopes that I could help someone. I smiled at strangers, shook hands, spoke kindly and respectfully to children and even chased an ice cream truck. Nothing major happened today except for everything. And I'm just 80 days sober.

I believe we all have the capacity to recover and rediscover the joys, sorrows and wonders of life. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. We will keep finding each other and others like us, trudging the Road of Happy Destiny!

autumn2

Displaced, best of luck with everything. I'm so happy you've got out of the dark place you were in. Your positive attitude,compassion,and love for life is contagious. Thank you for your kind words to me.