pupkin

I'm looking at Day 30 tomorrow and feeling great. Also battling the voice constantly today.

As much experience as I have with this I still find it hard to comprehend how both those first two sentences can be true. Today I find myself with prime opportunity and no immdediate responsibilities, and no matter how many times I play the tape to the end, I still land on the thought, "One evening at home like old times, then back on the path tomorrow, nobody gets hurt."

Trying to do all the things I encourage others on SR to do, trying to ride the urge, etc, but the voice seems loaded for bear today. Feel like I'm throwing the kitchen sink at it but it won't go away. Last time this happened, a week or so ago, I came here and did a lot of reading, which saw me through.

Today reading posts doesn't seem to be making a dent. I almost didn't post this because, honestly, part of me doesn't want to be talked down. But here goes.

jaynie04

Congrats on posting here instead! Is there anyway you could do something out of the ordinary? Go to a park, a movie, a diner? I find that if I am able to break the rhythm of feeling lulled backwards, once I step away from it, it loses its power.

Sometimes just distancing ourselves from a familiar scenario gives us perspective. 30 days is great progress….just think how good you will feel tomorrow if you can get through tonight!

Thepatman

30 days is a lot of sacrifice and accomplishment.

Going back to day 1 would make you feel like crap tomorrow. Plus if your like me wouldn't enjoy the drink at all.

My party switch is broken for good. 20 years on on and off totally worn it down. Plus my liver is permanently pissed off at me. 😜

SigChiScooby

Just remember that if you drink again you will have to start the process all over again. That is NOT fun. 30 days is quite the accomplishment. I know you will make it!! We are stronger than the alcohol no matter what the voices try to tell us. Hang in there!

pupkin

Thanks all. True words from everybody. Need to zig and zag a bit and hopefully stay a step ahead of it til sleep time.

least

Congrats on thirty days sober! Don't give in now!

Hope2014

Don't do it
Think of how many days you will be sick for! And waking up tomorrow with regret instead of peace and happiness.....No no no

Hope2014

Sign up for the 24 hour club now and then your commitment is sealed!

heartsun

I am on day 27, I understand that "voice" in your head, but yell at it and tell it to take a hike! My biggest problem initially when I stopped drinking was getting out of my routine...mid day I'd start thinking about that bottle of wine after work, drive to store and home with my bottle of bubbly.
So when I stopped drinking driving home and driving past the store and not stopping for my cocktail was "odd", especially when the ramble in my head ...said....hey your doing good, stop for some wine.....well I know where that would leave me...not sober and starting all over. Same with you.....your smart you posted and reached out. This isn't a easy road, but there seems to be alot of nice people here who get it and are helpful. Besides...tomorrow is 30 days......way awesome!!!!

huntingtontx

You are doing great, and coming here talking is the best way to stay on track. We are all on this journey together, and we are here to support each other. I am proud of you.

Nuudawn

Hope you're hanging in there. You're building up some absolutely fantastic momentum with your almost month of sobriety!
As far as the BS you're AV is giving you bout having a good ole blast tonight and then back on the wagon tomorrow...
I think you know the score there...it's hogwash.
I am reminded of the old adage...

What makes you think you can do tomorrow...what you cannot do today?
Hope you are staying sober today.

AlcoholFree66

Hey Pupkin - do you want tomorrow to be Day 31 sober or an incredibly remorseful Day 1 sober? Ride that urge! Good on you for posting. Today is Day 33 for me. Unfortunately, last time I was at Day 17 sober - the 'opportunity arose' and I thought no one would know and I'd start again tomorrow. I gave in to the urge. The remorse I felt the next morning was hideous. That's when I realised it wasn't about hiding it from others but what drinking does for my self respect.

pupkin

Thanks very sincerely everybody. Happy to report that I stayed on track, woke up relieved about that today. Still feeling a touch wobbly in all honesty--day 30 after such a tough time yesterday sure feels like it deserves a "reward," but I know the score. You all are helping me keep my eye on the scoreboard, and I thank you for that. I think I'll be okay today. But will be very happy to look back on this extended moment of turbulence from smoother water. Thanks again all.

hokey

Way to go Pupkin!!!! So proud of you

Hey .... 30 days! That is AWESOME!!!!

wantmylifeback2

Congrats on 30 days!!! I'm really struggling today too. You're not alone. Hang in there!!

forabetterlife

Good for you pupkin! You made it through a horrible craving and each time you do that you get strength. This thread really helped me just now because, like you yesterday, my AV is screaming at me today. I have the same thoughts, if no one knows, and I have no responsibilities that it will disrupt, then why not? Because I HATE the way it makes me feel the next day, that's why. I guess we have to learn to get through uncomfortable, stressful, sad, happy, moments without alcohol.

pupkin

Well...wow. That was nerve-wracking. Past two days I've felt like a kid who learned how to ride a bike five minutes ago hitting loose gravel.

BUT...no skinned knees or elbows and today feels like hitting smoother pavement again. Thanks all for the encouragement and good wishes. Stubborn blockhead that I am I still default to skepticism that others can help. But you all did, and I appreciate it sincerely.

Nuudawn

Love the way you put that. So glad you didn't crash and go back to pouting in the sandbox wishing you could ride : )

Nice work.