The lake...
Mamahawk
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 4,034
The lake...
I grew up here. When I was little my parents bought this house here on the lake. It was my daddy's sanctuary. He bought a boat and named it after my mama and me. The house is just a few feet from the water and we grew up fishing, swimming, kneeboarding, tubing and riding jet skis. When I turned 20 and Vicodin came knocking, well it took a few years and my heart closed to this place. I never realized how numb I was. Walking down to the water I smell the pine trees in the air. The scent bringing back memories long ago lost in the mist and haze of Vicodin that constantly filled my head. I step into the water and feel the sharp cold spring my senses to life. I sit there in the sun and feel the warmth on my skin. Tears run down my face and I am thankful to heal here in this beautiful place. I hear the frogs and owls speak on the wind. Old friends from a life I barely remember say "welcome back my friend". Now I will let the hardest thing go. Daddy had two wishes. One to see me get well. But it never came to pass, for one day in October 2012, his other wish was granted. That when he died, it would be here in this place he loved so well. God let me die here while I am working on my piece of heaven he said. No one knew when he put on his overalls that day it was the end. Least of all me for he had said no more. 8 long months had passed without a word. I never saw him again. I know what I have to do to get and stay well. I have to give it up, the pain I hold. So daddy I will let the lake wash away my tears and I hope you can see , I hope you know, I did it daddy. I broke free.
Mamahawk
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 4,034
Thank you cleanin. I have been in tears. I am slowly taking each thing I hold in my heart and breaking free. What a journey. I'm just in awe of what's happening to me. I was stuck in the mud and All these forces cake together and I'm being pulled out. I just can't explain how I feel. I know my heart will still hurt but I will no longer hold these things. SR has been a blessing to me. So have you. You stayed with me thise first few days. Thank you for that
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Mama you are doing this because of YOU! No one else!
YOU made that choice!
YOU planned everything....making sure you had no way to get it....giving-up your car keys, your phone, your money, keeping yourself under house arrest!
YOU went searching for this site on the Internet to get support!
YOU are posting and keeping us near you!
YOU did all those things because YOU are serious about your recovery!
And YOU are the one who is making this successful.....NO-one else but YOU!
There is a saying about success in recovery.....We need to chase our recovery like we chased our drug of choice. Just watching you chase your recovery the way that you are shows me you are one determined woman! Just think what you can achieve in this life!
I'm sure your Daddy is proud of you!
YOU made that choice!
YOU planned everything....making sure you had no way to get it....giving-up your car keys, your phone, your money, keeping yourself under house arrest!
YOU went searching for this site on the Internet to get support!
YOU are posting and keeping us near you!
YOU did all those things because YOU are serious about your recovery!
And YOU are the one who is making this successful.....NO-one else but YOU!
There is a saying about success in recovery.....We need to chase our recovery like we chased our drug of choice. Just watching you chase your recovery the way that you are shows me you are one determined woman! Just think what you can achieve in this life!
I'm sure your Daddy is proud of you!
I'm sure your Dad is very proud of you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 409
You made me both smile and tear up this morning MamaHawk.
You see, I have been absent from the boards for a year ( or is it 2?) now.
I spent summers at our cottage on the lake. I took care of my dad for 3 years before his dementia got to the point of my having no choice but to place him at the VA home.
My dad just passed away, pretty suddenly, on the 6th of May this year.
I'm thankfully my sister mad I were there holding his hand in the last few hours of his life here on this plane....
Thank you MamaHawk, your post is helping me to heal. To grieve. To stay in recovery, one more day at a time.
You see, I have been absent from the boards for a year ( or is it 2?) now.
I spent summers at our cottage on the lake. I took care of my dad for 3 years before his dementia got to the point of my having no choice but to place him at the VA home.
My dad just passed away, pretty suddenly, on the 6th of May this year.
I'm thankfully my sister mad I were there holding his hand in the last few hours of his life here on this plane....
Thank you MamaHawk, your post is helping me to heal. To grieve. To stay in recovery, one more day at a time.
Mamahawk
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 4,034
Tuff I'm glad you were with your daddy to. I'm sorry about your daddy. It's something you never really get over. I'll be thinking of you. If my post helps you heal that makes my heart glad. Because that is what it's for. Letting go.
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