freedragonfly

Actually I do not have that many friends. Alcohol is partly what caused me to just lose touch with most people. I still have a couple though.

One friend was texting me last evening. I told her I was trying to quit drinking altogether. I also told her about my slip ups lately and that it has usually been two drinks per slip per day I slipped. She then told me she felt moderation is the key. I replied that I always overdo it. I also told her that alcohol is making a current medical condition worse even if its just two drinks.

So my point in this post is that I think I have to just not listen to her if she tells me moderation could work. She used to drink really heavily, then something changed and now she drinks in a more moderate way. So perhaps it works for her, who knows. I know for a fact moderation would never work for me. Sure, I could probably have just one or two drinks for the first few days. But then it would just sink into the pit of drinking more and more daily until it was back to being pretty bad.

I have no control over alcohol. If I drink, its almost always to excess. The only solution I see is complete abstinence.

This is really tough though and I'm struggling. I am motivated though.

HeadLump

I know I couldn't moderate - and I'm not sure I'd want to. On the few occasions where I knew I could only have one or two, I used to abstain (and make up for it later!)

I honestly think abstention is easier. I feel so free not having to think about how many I can have, the alcohol content, how long until the next one, etc etc. Accepting I can't drink has been a major part of my recovery.

I hope it is the same for you

freedragonfly

I do honestly think I cannot drink in moderation over the long term. I may be able to do a day or two of it but really my drinking would just increase and increase over time if I let myself drink.

My friend can think whatever she wants of course. But I know how I am with alcohol. Its always been to excess usually. Abstinence is the only way for me now.

Nuudawn

I am trying to claw my way back from my last "moderation" experiment. I lost my sobriety and I lost myself....again...in the process.
It started out slow enough....but eventually everything I was working on got lost in the process...including clarity and hope and positivity and progress.
I am not physically dependent on alcohol...but more times than not...even the "intention" of just having one...turns into a drunken mess.
My sober mind thinks..oh ya...I'll just pop in for one glass of wine.
Add alcohol.
All bets are off.
Alcohol is a poison that I have no certainty of once its in my bloodstream.
Despite my best intentions...and car keys in my purse.

freedragonfly

yes, so true. alcohol is poison to me too. Once I start drinking, I keep going until I feel so sick and like hell. Its no good. even lasts to the next morning with me throwing up my coffee from being hungover. I also really cannot have any alcohol with my medications. There are basically a ton of reasons I can't drink at all. one motivator for me is that drinking really ruins any sort of intimacy I seek. I keep trying to think of all the reasons for staying sober really. it helps to list them off in my mind or write them down. moderation would never work for me. I am an alcoholic for sure.

Mags1

Hi freedragonfly, I've just remembered the horrible times I was ill from drink the next morning and what excuse I could make to work. I really don't miss those times.

freedragonfly

yeah I was so used to feeling rotten every morning. got really used to it. even though its not been that long since my last drink, I really feel less sick now and its nice to be able to just drink my coffee without issues.

Anna

I think the bottom line is that it's really hard for others to understand addiction and the power it has over us. Be true to yourself and your beliefs and you'll be fine.

freedragonfly

that is true. its possible my friend doesn't really get that I can't drink in moderation over time. maybe she can, but I can't. everyone is unique.