wardy1990

This is my 13th day sober. My brothers birthday party is in 2 weeks. There's 20 people going and we are all going out for dinner. I would always drink in these situations to loosen up and have more confidence. I'm getting really anxious thinking about going sober. I'm honestly thinking of stoping antabuse now and having a few drinks just that night. But I know I'm going to regret it. I know it's a stupid thing to do but it's running through my head. They are all big drinkers and I'm going to find it really hard. But if I can get through this I can get through anything. It would be easier not to go but I can't do that to my brother. He would be gutted

ReadyAtLast

For me, it was easier to avoid situations like this very early on especially if they are all big drinkers. Can you speak with your brother privately and tell him of your struggles. Be honest. Getting sober has taught me that it is ok to put myself and my needs first. Your brother will get over you not going,after a few drinks he probably won't even notice you're not there.

Thinking of going and drinking is a really bad idea. What happens at the next birthday,Christmas, christening, wedding, BBQ,summer get together-will you drink then too? There will always be an upcoming event where drinking is involved.

wardy1990

I have to go. Life's to short to miss birthdays. I just have to man up and not drink. I was sober at his last birthday but that was only a few people. It's the fact there will be more people there, that's what I'm anxious about. I can do this. I know I can

Jsober

If you are going to go, I would at least have a heart to heart with your brother and let him know you will not be drinking. And if gets to hairy you will have to leave early.

Dee74

Life's also too short to **** it away Wardy.

You could take your brother out privately, just him and you for his birthday.
I'm sure he'd understand especially if you told him why.

This 'whole I have to go' stuff tho? Nah.

I used to say that too - and I'd really have intentions of being good...
but my inner addict was doing a jig cos it knew I was vulnerable.

Put an alkie like me in the middle of a party and I'd either drink, or be so miserable I'd go home and drink later.

Recovery's about tough choices Wardy - some of them really tough.
Thats the real manning up here.

You have two weeks to think about - really think about it, Wardy.

D

LadyBlue0527

Hi wardy 1990,

This is your post from another thread:

Well wardy, he's back and he's back with a vengeance. Somehow you have to find the resolve that you had at the end of the sentence.

I vote for asking your brother to do a separate outing with just the two of you. You don't need this temptation in your life this early on.

How badly do you want to stay sober? You can spend a lifetime finding reasons to drink but there has to come a point where you get real about it and get sick of feeling the way that you do. Are you there yet, and what's more important to you? Your brother's birthday party or your sobriety?

I would say that your sobriety is pretty important because you would have just did it, you wouldn't have come on here and posted about it.

You CAN get through this wardy, you've got to want sobriety first though.

doggonecarl

Not as gutted as you will be if you drink.

As Dee said, think about what brought you here to SR, and why you are seeking sobriety and what's really important.

LadyinBC

Re-read your first post and you will see that you are setting yourself up for a relapse. I'm not judging you, I use to put myself in these situations all the time. The outcome was never good.

When I stopped drinking and decided that I needed to stay sober, my motto had to become that no situation, event or person could be more important than my sobriety. Because if I don't have that then life really is going to be too short for me. I personally don't think I have another recovery in me, if I went back to it I would drink myself to death.

Please just give it some thought before you go. You matter, your sobriety matters.

Sasha4

You know something?

If you go, are with a bunch of heavy drinkers, don't drink yourself, you really might surprise yourself.

In the early days, I would dread things like you are describing.
However I did what I had to and went and did not drink.
It reinforced for me why I did not drink.
The drunk people I was with were super irritating.
Really irritating.
I could not wait to go home.
The jokes were not that funny.
They kept repeating themselves, were too touchy, overly emotional and no concept of personal space, breathed alcohol fumes on me.
I realised that I had made the right choice. giving up drink.


You are also looking too far ahead too.
I took it at day at a time.
Every morning, I woke up and said to myself today I am not drinking. Tomorrow I don't know, but today I'm not.
Whenever it got to tomorrow I never wanted to drink anyway.
Don't think so far ahead.

Birthdays are once a year.
If you have this drinking thing wrong, in that you have not got a problem with alcohol, you can drink as much as you like at his birthday next year and then every year after that.
So once a year, a meal, others drinking, your not. You can do that. You can totally pull this off.

I agree with Dee and everyone else about the quiet word or avoiding it too.

But I found that after everyone else is 4 drinks in, they do not give a chuff is your drinking with them or not.
They are too busy swaying, laughing at the joke they just told 7 times before and spraying drink all over you when shouting over the music.

I wish you the best xx

wardy1990

All the advise that has been given is helpful. And I really appreciate it from everyone. This is the support I need. I like the idea of taking my brother out one on one but he lives far away and is always working around Australia. I will continue to take my medication. I know it might sound weak but it's something I'm doing in the early stages of my recovery. I will go to the dinner but I will head home after the dinner. They can continue to go to the pub. My other brother doesn't drink so I can sit with him. I'm sure after dinner I won't want to continue with them anyway.

Last year when I stopped drinking I went to 2 birthdays and only lasted there 2-3 hours. They all did my head in haha. Talking to drunk people when sober is hard work.

I WILL do this and I will succeed and I will be back on here when I get home from the dinner and telling everyone I did it.

LadyinBC

If you do go, I would encourage you to at least have a plan in place in case you need to leave if you start feeling like you are going to give in. I don't go anywhere anymore unless I have a way of getting out of there ASAP if I need to.

wardy1990

I'll be driving so can leave when ever I want. Plus I'm on antabuse so I would have to be pretty stupid to have a drink and be sick at the restaurant.

scintillady

Keep taking the antabuse!! Just tell yourself that you will take it one more day, then the next day, etc. until it's the day before your brother's birthday and you have no choice but to abstain or make yourself horribly sick. You mentioned feeling weak for having to take it. Nothing could be farther from the truth. You realized you needed more help than you could manage on your own, and you took steps necessary to deal with it. use the tools you have to your advantage. LC

MIRecovery

The only thing we have to do is stay sober. The rest are choices either good or bad

wardy1990

Passed with flying colours

Dee74

I'm glad Wardy - congratulations

D

LadyinBC

That is absolutely awesome! So happy for you . Congrats!