Helping my alcoholic boyfriend.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: wa
Posts: 3
Helping my alcoholic boyfriend.
Hello all, thank you for taking time to read this.
I'm seeing a wonderful man. He's great to me, and my children.
He's funny, caring, and kind
But, he has a pretty severe drinking problem. It's not to the
point that he's abusive. Even when he's drunk he's wonderful to me, but it's
getting him in legal trouble. He's at the point that he wakes up, chugs a few beers,
Gets ready for the day, chugs a couple more, and so on.
He knows very well he has a problem, he feels terrible, and he really
Wants to stop. He's not sure where to begin though. I really
want to help him, and support him through this, but i'm not sure how. Any advice is very much appreciated.
I'm seeing a wonderful man. He's great to me, and my children.
He's funny, caring, and kind
But, he has a pretty severe drinking problem. It's not to the
point that he's abusive. Even when he's drunk he's wonderful to me, but it's
getting him in legal trouble. He's at the point that he wakes up, chugs a few beers,
Gets ready for the day, chugs a couple more, and so on.
He knows very well he has a problem, he feels terrible, and he really
Wants to stop. He's not sure where to begin though. I really
want to help him, and support him through this, but i'm not sure how. Any advice is very much appreciated.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
That is a very serious drinking problem.
Alcoholism is progressive. He will not get better, only worse unless he seeks recovery and stops drinking entirely.
There is nothing you can do but get help for yourself. Look for an AlAnon meeting in your area. It is for families and loved ones of alcoholics.
Alcoholism is progressive. He will not get better, only worse unless he seeks recovery and stops drinking entirely.
There is nothing you can do but get help for yourself. Look for an AlAnon meeting in your area. It is for families and loved ones of alcoholics.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Tampa, fl
Posts: 115
One thing that I need from my fiancé to stop drinking, is to stop suggesting we go places where there is alcohol.
If it is there, I will drink it. End of story.
Other than that, I think being reassured that he is loved and that he matters to you and your children is very important.
If it is there, I will drink it. End of story.
Other than that, I think being reassured that he is loved and that he matters to you and your children is very important.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,126
Does he admit he has a problem?
For many years I knew I had a problem, but for many years I just kept drinking despite the consequences.
Waking up and drinking is close to end stage alcoholism, at least it was for me.
I did it because the hangovers were just so crushing. I would wake up and pound coffee and chain smoke, but If I was not' working I would down a beer by noon. What I didn't know was that was my body's scream to stave off withdrawals.
What he needs might be a medically supervised detox, something that I never had the courage to seek, and I paid an oh so awful price for not doing it.
One thing those that love alcoholics have to learn is that they can't stop their loved one from drinking. The hardest thing for them to accept is that not being around the alcoholic might be the best support they can provide.
I pray for you, and him, and hope he has the courage to reach out for help.
For many years I knew I had a problem, but for many years I just kept drinking despite the consequences.
Waking up and drinking is close to end stage alcoholism, at least it was for me.
I did it because the hangovers were just so crushing. I would wake up and pound coffee and chain smoke, but If I was not' working I would down a beer by noon. What I didn't know was that was my body's scream to stave off withdrawals.
What he needs might be a medically supervised detox, something that I never had the courage to seek, and I paid an oh so awful price for not doing it.
One thing those that love alcoholics have to learn is that they can't stop their loved one from drinking. The hardest thing for them to accept is that not being around the alcoholic might be the best support they can provide.
I pray for you, and him, and hope he has the courage to reach out for help.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Hey Robin, Welcome to the Forum!! 
It's great that your bf want's to sort things out, as only he can make that decision, you unfortunately can't make that decision for him, but he needs to actually do something about it, drinking in the morning is a pretty serious thing, if he can't get through a day without beers in the morning, that's a dangerous progression to be on.
Is he willing to attend meetings? AA or other community groups? how about he joins this Forum to get some support and advice? either way he needs to do something to break the cycle, but it is him that needs to commit to some sort of change to get through this.
For yourself, Al-anon is a great resource for friends and family of alcoholics, as it's not an easy thing supporting an alcoholic, you may need support yourself.
SR is a great place for support and advice for both of you!!
It's great that your bf want's to sort things out, as only he can make that decision, you unfortunately can't make that decision for him, but he needs to actually do something about it, drinking in the morning is a pretty serious thing, if he can't get through a day without beers in the morning, that's a dangerous progression to be on.
Is he willing to attend meetings? AA or other community groups? how about he joins this Forum to get some support and advice? either way he needs to do something to break the cycle, but it is him that needs to commit to some sort of change to get through this.
For yourself, Al-anon is a great resource for friends and family of alcoholics, as it's not an easy thing supporting an alcoholic, you may need support yourself.
SR is a great place for support and advice for both of you!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
He could benefit from a 12 step group. Attending your first meeting is a hard thing to do. More importantly, you may find Al-Anon helpful for yourself. What that also does is show him that you're serious about y'all's relationship and his problem. When you're in a relationship with an alcoholic, his problems eventually becomes your problem.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: wa
Posts: 3
He knows very well that has a problem, and is actively seeking help. He is just trying to figure out where to get started. I know i can't make him stop, but there must be things i can do to make it easier. He knows he has my full support. I have promised to quit drinking, though it wasn't a frequent thing for me, to avoid putting that temptation out there.
Thanks for y'alls input so far!
Thanks for y'alls input so far!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Hi Robin,
Its good he recognizes the problem because a lot of people dont see it until things spiral down and down, and there is a crisis.
My husband was abusing drugs not alcohol, but I think from the way you described it he will need professional help for detox first. Talking to his family doctor might be a good first step, where he could ask questions and get referrals for outpatient programs, or counseling. Quitting is only part of the battle, staying quit, dealing with the emotions, cravings, finding new ways to cope with life and its problems have been big for my husband.
I think you might benefit from looking into the CRAFT program for yourself. Its called Community Reinforcement and Family Training. Two goals: Improve the quality of your life, and learn how to support, motivate, encourage sobriety in your significant other. Do a search on it if you want more info. There are books, counselors who can work with you, and there are also free local and online meetings for family at Smart recovery.
Its good he recognizes the problem because a lot of people dont see it until things spiral down and down, and there is a crisis.
My husband was abusing drugs not alcohol, but I think from the way you described it he will need professional help for detox first. Talking to his family doctor might be a good first step, where he could ask questions and get referrals for outpatient programs, or counseling. Quitting is only part of the battle, staying quit, dealing with the emotions, cravings, finding new ways to cope with life and its problems have been big for my husband.
I think you might benefit from looking into the CRAFT program for yourself. Its called Community Reinforcement and Family Training. Two goals: Improve the quality of your life, and learn how to support, motivate, encourage sobriety in your significant other. Do a search on it if you want more info. There are books, counselors who can work with you, and there are also free local and online meetings for family at Smart recovery.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
