Findingtheway

Hello everyone. So i managed to book some steady sober time under belt about 2 years ago...My employer really saw something was wrong before i did and went out of his way to help me. I went to see counselors/rehab for alcholism before i really knew what it was and what it was doing to me.

To say i'm grateful is an understatement.

Problem is the past 5 months or so...I've been hiding/sneaking drinks again...And although my work reviews/ feelings towards life has been MUCH better than when i was at my peak 2 years ago...It's starting to feel DANGEROUS to me again. Not to mention the en-invitable happened and my sister found me drunk just this past week. (Took the day off work...House was to myself...Totally pre-meditated looking back.)

So i'm on day 2 this morning...and the irrational thoughts are running rampant again...Wanting to charge off to the liquor store first thing this morning.

I came to the SR chat room this morning instead...For NOW it's stopped me. Anyways reaching out again....If anyone has any ideas/thoughts let me know.

I'm planning to go back to my old AA group tonight. (Haven't gone in awhile but this is starting to scare me again...Just the dis-jointed thinking etc...)

Thank you for reading. And thank you for this site...I just wish i had used it more in the past 5-6 months....

Findingtheway

FreeOwl

welcome!!

You're doing the right thing in coming here and getting back to AA.

"hiding / sneaking drinks" is a definite Big Red Light, in my view.

Stop the cycle now, while you still can.

Coldfusion

AA meetings and SoberRecovery keep me sober. It works if you work it!

least

Glad you're back on the wagon and going back to meetings. That should help you with the urges to drink. Get all the support you can.

Nuudawn

I too have been riding a similar crazy train bound for an inevitable crash and burn my friend. I need to get off....NOW. I feel a similar urgency in your post that is helpful to me today. Thank you.

Verte

Welcome to the forum and to Day2!

Lean on the fine folks here. I definitely have.

I'm somewhere around 3weeks sober and this forum has been my go-to log in through every moment during that time - the good and the bad.

Stay strong. You can do this. Stay committed to sobriety and to helping yourself remain there with all means possible.

resolute50

Sounds like you have a plan.
You know it's progressive and you'll just keep drink more and more.

Hi Nuudawn,
I hope to see you visit more often.

Findingtheway

Thanks to all for your posts of support. I'm glad I'm not alone nudawn...i sense the urgency in response. I hope reading my post helped you in some way.. I will support you all if you help me. We can do this.

Made It through the morning. Actively cleaning the house and my room now. Has helped me in the past.

Thank you sober recovery members.

Findingtheway

Stoogy

Welcome back, you are doing the right thing. SR is a godsend for me too if I'm having a tough day.
One day at a time.

Dee74

Welcome back FindingTheWay

Alcoholism is a bit like a weed...we can eradicate all visible traces of it from our garden, but if we stop tending the garden, it will come back worse than ever.

I'm glad you're back

D

Anna

I'm glad you posted and that you know it's time to do something to change the situation before it gets worse. We do understand how hard this is.

Croissant

FindingTheWay, thank you for posting. Please visit more often if you can. I find this site helps me to be vigilant about my commitment to sobriety. It's the generosity of people sharing the journey, including posts like yours, that help us all.

I've saved your post to remind me that I related to that dangerous feeling last time I drank. Also...the premeditated day off work....my downfall and my go to in active alcoholism. That "hmmm, what meetings / deadlines do I have on tomorrow" thought. Makes me angry just thinking about it - I used to be the healthy, no sick days person. How low my work ethic got, but I'd play the "oh but I work long hours" hero message in my head.

I hate this disease, I hate what we become...all the potential lost in days of nothingness.

Please hang around.

Be well.

Saving this too. Good analogy.

AlcoholFree66

Hi Findingtheway - I think Dee's post really hits the mark for me. I've got sober and then picked up again on a few occasions now and it really does just get worse. I can totally relate to the secrecy and deception too.