some of my story, scared to relapse , on day number 6
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Conway South Carolina
Posts: 24
some of my story, scared to relapse , on day number 6
Hello,
I wanted to write this because I feel like it is finally time that i open up and share my story. I am 25 year old female, and I have been an addict to oxycontin for 7 years. I never had to go to the streets to get my drug all i had to do was go to my mothers house. Thats where they were and i have spent ALOT, of money on those damn things. I have gone without many times and quit cold turkey many times but none by choice it was because i ran out of my half of the prescription. I finally realized that i did not have another withdrawel in me and there had to be more to life then this. I was on 15mg 4x a day for 5-6 days in the beginning of the month, then switched to 40mg 1-4x a day every single month.
The reason why i first got on these things was because i was given one and the feeling that it gave me was uncomparable. Not only was i freakin happy which was hard for me because lets face it my life was not a cake walk, but i had energy. I could do whatever i wanted to and feel great doing it. Watching movie's also became like a whole new experience to me, i dont know if that would make sense to anyone else. Also my relationship was very rocky and when i had the meds i didnt feel a damn thing, i am a big hearted person so i care alot and for the first time i was a straight B***, and didn't give a crap what was said to me or about me. I used these as a numbing to my life, not having to feel was the greatest thing in the world and if i would feel anything it was always euphoria.
Im on day 6 now, and i am scared to death of relapsing. I take care of my mother because none of her other kids will, she moved 1000 miles to where i was to have help. Im looking for support and to hear other peoples stories. Im scared that something will happen where i will feel and not want to .
I wanted to write this because I feel like it is finally time that i open up and share my story. I am 25 year old female, and I have been an addict to oxycontin for 7 years. I never had to go to the streets to get my drug all i had to do was go to my mothers house. Thats where they were and i have spent ALOT, of money on those damn things. I have gone without many times and quit cold turkey many times but none by choice it was because i ran out of my half of the prescription. I finally realized that i did not have another withdrawel in me and there had to be more to life then this. I was on 15mg 4x a day for 5-6 days in the beginning of the month, then switched to 40mg 1-4x a day every single month.
The reason why i first got on these things was because i was given one and the feeling that it gave me was uncomparable. Not only was i freakin happy which was hard for me because lets face it my life was not a cake walk, but i had energy. I could do whatever i wanted to and feel great doing it. Watching movie's also became like a whole new experience to me, i dont know if that would make sense to anyone else. Also my relationship was very rocky and when i had the meds i didnt feel a damn thing, i am a big hearted person so i care alot and for the first time i was a straight B***, and didn't give a crap what was said to me or about me. I used these as a numbing to my life, not having to feel was the greatest thing in the world and if i would feel anything it was always euphoria.
Im on day 6 now, and i am scared to death of relapsing. I take care of my mother because none of her other kids will, she moved 1000 miles to where i was to have help. Im looking for support and to hear other peoples stories. Im scared that something will happen where i will feel and not want to .
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi and welcome anewlife 
You'll find a ton of support and encouragement here
I'm an alcoholic but I think the principles the same - if you're prepared to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober, you won't relapse.
do you have any other support besides this site?
D
You'll find a ton of support and encouragement here
I'm an alcoholic but I think the principles the same - if you're prepared to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober, you won't relapse.
do you have any other support besides this site?
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Center of Mass
Posts: 622
Those drugs are powerful and they make you feel like everything is perfect. You've fallen into the same trap that many, including myself, have fallen into before. Opiates were my life for a number of years and during that time my career was in full throttle. But, as you know, you can only keep up the illusion for so long until it comes crashing in. You're on day 6 so I suspect the physical withdrawal is mostly over but from the sounds of it it's still calling. I don't know what resources you have available to you but I'd just like to say that there is a life after opiates, and it's 1000 times better than the illusion of well being they provide. Keep posting, be well, and hang in there.
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